Gender disapointment...

Discussion in 'Pregnancy Club' started by xloulabellex, Nov 15, 2011.

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  1. xloulabellex

    xloulabellex Mummy to 2 beautiful boys

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    (Don't know if this is the right forum to post on but I didn't know where else to post... Apologies if it isn't..)

    Don't judge or hate me on this post, I hate myself enough to be honest..

    I was dying for a little girl, I always wanted a little girl.. I always joked when I was younger "eww I don't want a BOY! if it's a boy, it's going back up!!!"

    Anyway, surprise surprise, i'm having a little boy.

    I was smiley during the gender scan, my OH cried he was so happy.. he is over the moon. I smiled at him. Held his hand. Smiled the 45 min drive home. Smiled whilst we were back at the flat, whilst he got ready to go to football.... the moment he stepped out the door, I burst into floods of tears.

    I curled up in a ball, and cried.

    I hate myself for being so selfish. But I hate boys clothes, I hate blue, I hate f*cking cars, trucks, trains, transformers... I love girlie stuff.

    I've tried so HARD to overcome it.. I finally admitted to my OH how I was feeling, he told me to stop being negative, and that he didn't really understand.. "it's our baby.. I don't care what it is, it's OURS.. you shouldn't either babe. Sorry but I don't understand, no." - he said that after I basically cried over the "boys toys" adverts on TV.

    I've tried .. and tried.. I've bought some boys clothes that weren't blue.. like little tigger ones, little green one with frogs on... i've started to make a scrap book for my little one.. stuck in pictures of scan photos, hoping i'll get over it and start getting excited. Putting little Harley's name on my signature on here, calling him Harley when I rub my belly.. FORCING myself to get over it.

    I'm not.

    Two of my friends are due baby girls, a few of my friends already have girls and post photos all over facebook of their babies in pink dresses and stuff "Going to take my little Poppy swimming today".. and bottom line? It's breaking my heart to read.

    Struggling so much. I WANT to get over this.. but i'm not sure I will..

    I'm so lost.

    Anyone else relate? Or am I just coming across as a selfish bitch who should be greatful for even being pregnant? (which I SHOULD be since I've had an eating disorder for years and didn't think I was even fertile so was amazing news to find i'm pregnant)
     
  2. Dragonfly

    Dragonfly Mother of 4

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    sounds like hormones are not helping here either. I cant relate though as I was happy with whatever I had . I did want a girl second time but was thrilled at a boy to. I think when you see your baby you will feel differently? maybe try and change your way of thinking and i dont mean to sound nasty but be more thankful.
     
  3. xloulabellex

    xloulabellex Mummy to 2 beautiful boys

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    Hopefully.

    I tried that, OH said to me to try and think of all the positives.. which I have tried, but doesn't seem to have made much difference to be honest. x
     
  4. success777

    success777 Member

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    Be thankful to your pregnant.i think this should help by thinking that there's so many women who's struggling to get pregnant.at least your healthy to get pregnant
     
  5. xloulabellex

    xloulabellex Mummy to 2 beautiful boys

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    I appreciate that, and like I said.. I KNOW I should be thankful, doesn't make things easier though does it.

    I AM thankful that i've got a little one..
     
  6. Andypanda6570

    Andypanda6570 3 Boys and an Angel Ava

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    I think that is a little harsh, but I do understand your point :hugs::hugs:
    I have 3 boys 20 17 and 11 and got pregnant accidentally at age 40 and yes I did want a girl and I would have been upset if I didn't get one and never in a million years did I ever think I would, It was a girl, my Ava :kiss::kiss:
    Sadly I lost her at 18 and half weeks, i gave birth to her in my home :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry: Next time I get pregnant if I do i don't care what my little peanut is as long as he/she is healthy. Your feelings are normal and don't be upset by them, but when you loss a baby after that gender goes out the window, your to busy worrying about keeping that little peanut safe.
    Good luck to you and don't feel bad for feeling your feelings..
    XOXOXOXO ANDREA :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
     
  7. xloulabellex

    xloulabellex Mummy to 2 beautiful boys

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    I have read your story actually *hugs* you are amazingly strong :)

    Thank you for the support and not making me feel even smaller.

    I appreciate what you/they are saying though.

    Good luck with your next pregnancy (if one occurs) sounds like you're an amazing mum already :) :hugs: xxx
     
  8. oldmamamia

    oldmamamia Well-Known Member

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    it took me about 2wks after my gender scan to stop crying and accept my baby was a boy, on one hand i felt so selfish that i felt so strongly about not wanting a boy, the baby was healthy thats all that mattered right but i couldnt help i soooo wanted a girl, hubby didnt understand and got really annoyed with me, i felt the disapointment all through my pregnancy although it did get better towards the end and of course the moment he was born i fell head over heals in love with him, but i do understand how you are feeling although many mums wont, i still look lovingly at the baby girls section when im shopping i cant help it but i wouldnt change charlie for the world, ive already got a son and daughter and now charlie so at least ive got my girl but i really would have loved another. hope you feel more positive soon xxx
     
  9. somebody

    somebody Well-Known Member

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    Its 50 / 50 what we deliver. Don't beat yourself up for what your feeling and don't push yourself too much to feel what other believe you should be.

    I believe that the day you deliver your little boy you will be hit with emotion and this will seem like a silly insignificant.

    Also not all girls like pink and doing girly things as they grow up, they get an attitiude at a very young age and are so bloody independant it can drive you up the wall. I have a 7 year old. My 4 year old son is the cuddly one who gonna marry mummy -I'm happy with that! LOL

    Please just chill out and enjoy your pregnancy. :flower:
     
  10. xloulabellex

    xloulabellex Mummy to 2 beautiful boys

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    Thank you for this, it's very reassuring and i'm glad you can relate (although, i'm NOT glad, if you get me lol!)

    Thank you for the words of support, just want it to hurry up so I can meet him and fall in love :) xxx
     
  11. xloulabellex

    xloulabellex Mummy to 2 beautiful boys

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    Haha thanks :) I hear boys are more affectionate so looking forward to that :)

    <3
     
  12. Dragonfly

    Dragonfly Mother of 4

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    I have 2 boys and they are truly wonderful. They love each other to. You can get nice stuff for boys to I see they do more and more now a days. I hunt them out the nice stuff :) my other half is glad as he dosnt have to lock them away he was so worried if it was a girl about her getting boyfriends in future lol mighty over protective.
     
  13. oldmamamia

    oldmamamia Well-Known Member

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    you will i promise x i joke to hubby that when he goes to work i dress charlie in a nice pink dress, not sure if he belives me but he doesnt find it funny in the slightest!
     
  14. xloulabellex

    xloulabellex Mummy to 2 beautiful boys

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    Haha bless him!

    On the plus - i'm still the only lady in my OHs life and don't have to fight for that twinkle in his eye right? haha
     
  15. xloulabellex

    xloulabellex Mummy to 2 beautiful boys

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    hahah aww! I joke with my OH that our little Harley will be the next Billy Elliott. He isn't impressed. LOL! x
     
  16. mrsf1234

    mrsf1234 Well-Known Member

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    its sounds dramatic but try and imagine how you would feel if the pregnancy ended. i'm sure you would be devastated and realise how much you love the little bump, blue or pink.

    and you never know what personality they will have. he may not be into cars and trucks or anything. my friends son is into painting and dancing and is veyr sensitive!!
    x
     
  17. xloulabellex

    xloulabellex Mummy to 2 beautiful boys

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    Yeh, I would be devastated.

    true, painting is always good :) x
     
  18. ravenmel

    ravenmel Mother of 2

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    Comments like this are not at all helpful.

    Anyway, it is a real thing, many women feel this way. Did you ever see the show '8 Boys and Wanting a Girl' (you can watch it on youtube or channel 4 online). The show was all about gender disappointment, and there are other forums about this kind of thing. I research it a lot when I was pregnant because I was really scared of having a boy. Before I got pregnant I didn't care about the gender and the out of nowhere this overwhelming desire to have a girl hit me. I'd get angry inside when everyone said "oh I bet it's a boy". My oh really wanted a boy like many men do. We ended up having a girl but I knew when I saw the baby I would have been happy boy or girl.

    My oh was like you smiled at the gender scan and stuff, but I know he was a bit disappointed that his dreams of having a boy had gone, don't get me wrong he loves our girl but his in to mountain climbing, motor bikes,cars, tattoos and football but has adapted well to pink, fairies and love hearts and you well adapt to team blue and love your baby boy more then anything just wait until you see him.
     
  19. xloulabellex

    xloulabellex Mummy to 2 beautiful boys

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    No I haven't, i'll look it up on YouTube.

    Thank you for this, I guess it must be harder for a bloke to adapt to pink so if he can.. I can.

    just want it to hurry up so I can meet him, and forget all of this.

    x
     
  20. 17thy

    17thy <3

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    Oh don't feel bad. I always wanted a little boy, and I had all the signs of a boy, carrying low, yada yada, the ultrasound tech even mentioned how low I was carrying. But alas she was a girl. I was still amazed and cried from happiness at seeing her move around on screen, but yeah, disappointed she wasn't a boy. Now I can't even imagine having a boy, wtf would I do!? lol. My husband was more disappointed than me, and he is head over heels with his little girl now haha. It really seems important to some people, but when they are out you are gonna be too busy falling in love with them to even notice whether they are a boy or girl. And of course you can always try again next time!
     
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