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(Don't know if this is the right forum to post on but I didn't know where else to post... Apologies if it isn't..)
Don't judge or hate me on this post, I hate myself enough to be honest..
I was dying for a little girl, I always wanted a little girl.. I always joked when I was younger "eww I don't want a BOY! if it's a boy, it's going back up!!!"
Anyway, surprise surprise, i'm having a little boy.
I was smiley during the gender scan, my OH cried he was so happy.. he is over the moon. I smiled at him. Held his hand. Smiled the 45 min drive home. Smiled whilst we were back at the flat, whilst he got ready to go to football.... the moment he stepped out the door, I burst into floods of tears.
I curled up in a ball, and cried.
I hate myself for being so selfish. But I hate boys clothes, I hate blue, I hate f*cking cars, trucks, trains, transformers... I love girlie stuff.
I've tried so HARD to overcome it.. I finally admitted to my OH how I was feeling, he told me to stop being negative, and that he didn't really understand.. "it's our baby.. I don't care what it is, it's OURS.. you shouldn't either babe. Sorry but I don't understand, no." - he said that after I basically cried over the "boys toys" adverts on TV.
I've tried .. and tried.. I've bought some boys clothes that weren't blue.. like little tigger ones, little green one with frogs on... i've started to make a scrap book for my little one.. stuck in pictures of scan photos, hoping i'll get over it and start getting excited. Putting little Harley's name on my signature on here, calling him Harley when I rub my belly.. FORCING myself to get over it.
I'm not.
Two of my friends are due baby girls, a few of my friends already have girls and post photos all over facebook of their babies in pink dresses and stuff "Going to take my little Poppy swimming today".. and bottom line? It's breaking my heart to read.
Struggling so much. I WANT to get over this.. but i'm not sure I will..
I'm so lost.
Anyone else relate? Or am I just coming across as a selfish bitch who should be greatful for even being pregnant? (which I SHOULD be since I've had an eating disorder for years and didn't think I was even fertile so was amazing news to find i'm pregnant)
Don't judge or hate me on this post, I hate myself enough to be honest..
I was dying for a little girl, I always wanted a little girl.. I always joked when I was younger "eww I don't want a BOY! if it's a boy, it's going back up!!!"
Anyway, surprise surprise, i'm having a little boy.
I was smiley during the gender scan, my OH cried he was so happy.. he is over the moon. I smiled at him. Held his hand. Smiled the 45 min drive home. Smiled whilst we were back at the flat, whilst he got ready to go to football.... the moment he stepped out the door, I burst into floods of tears.
I curled up in a ball, and cried.
I hate myself for being so selfish. But I hate boys clothes, I hate blue, I hate f*cking cars, trucks, trains, transformers... I love girlie stuff.
I've tried so HARD to overcome it.. I finally admitted to my OH how I was feeling, he told me to stop being negative, and that he didn't really understand.. "it's our baby.. I don't care what it is, it's OURS.. you shouldn't either babe. Sorry but I don't understand, no." - he said that after I basically cried over the "boys toys" adverts on TV.
I've tried .. and tried.. I've bought some boys clothes that weren't blue.. like little tigger ones, little green one with frogs on... i've started to make a scrap book for my little one.. stuck in pictures of scan photos, hoping i'll get over it and start getting excited. Putting little Harley's name on my signature on here, calling him Harley when I rub my belly.. FORCING myself to get over it.
I'm not.
Two of my friends are due baby girls, a few of my friends already have girls and post photos all over facebook of their babies in pink dresses and stuff "Going to take my little Poppy swimming today".. and bottom line? It's breaking my heart to read.
Struggling so much. I WANT to get over this.. but i'm not sure I will..
I'm so lost.
Anyone else relate? Or am I just coming across as a selfish bitch who should be greatful for even being pregnant? (which I SHOULD be since I've had an eating disorder for years and didn't think I was even fertile so was amazing news to find i'm pregnant)