Gender guilt

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by Jennifurball, Nov 18, 2011.

  1. Jennifurball

    Jennifurball Mother of 1 and a bump!

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    Can't think what best to call it but I am getting increasingly worried about my 'obsession' of my baby being a girl. I only have my girl name sorted, though not intentionally, I keep wanting to buy 'pink' things, and last night was the worst, I had THE most real dream ever that I was at my scan and they said it was a girl and I was over the moon.

    This may well be instinct but something tells me I could also be very wrong and the guilt I will feel if it is a boy will be terrible. It is like I am so excited thinking it is a girl and how over the moon I will be, I can't explain why it has to be a girl but I am racked with guilt that my little one is in there so innocent and could be a boy and I don't want to feel any disappointment whatsoever. I love my baby so so much whatever, I am just dreading the moment of being told and how I will react. It is only 9 days away now..

    I am actually nearly crying typing this. I hate myself.
     
  2. Star7890

    Star7890 New mummy

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    I thought I would be the same when she told us we were having a boy, but HONESTLY ive never been happier! Seeing his face on the screen, him sucking his thumb and moving about was so amazing and I cried all the way through!

    Now Ive NEVER been happier to be on team blue!

    No matter what that little baby is they are what you and your OH have created and whether they are a girl or a boy you will still be so in love with them its unbelievable x
     
  3. bumpin2012

    bumpin2012 Finally complete

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    I think you will be just fine if "she" is a "he" Some people have a preference for gender. It doesn't make you a bad mommy. Dont feel guilty about wanting a girl. He or she wont know either way, and if its a boy, you might need some time to adjust, but I have no doubt you will love a boy just as much. :hugs:

    It could very well be a girl too...they say some moms have a very strong instinct.
     
  4. nikki79

    nikki79 Well-Known Member

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    I was going to stay team yellow but asked yesterday at my scan, i do have to admit that i did feel a bit gutted when she said she'd seen boy bits during the scan.

    I thought it was a boy from the start, all my family thought it was a boy and to be honest i knew it was a boy so have no idea why i felt the way i did. OH was a bit quiet as he's always said he though he'd have daughters, he is the only boy at of 4 girls. I did cry last night at a text he sent me saying he's buzzing that it's boy and really happy.

    I'm now really pleased it's a boy, i can see myself with boys but i still felt gutted yesterday and fell bad for that as it took us soo long to conceive i didn't think i'd care!

    At the end of the day you'll love it either way.

    Nik
     
  5. Weege

    Weege Well-Known Member

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    With my first baby we really wanted a boy. when we were told it was a girl i cried lots and lots! even in the waiting room, and didnt look so great when i went to my consultant appointment afterwards lol.
    anyway, i still wasnt fussed and manged to convince myself it could be a boy, just hiding his bits.
    When she arrived, she was the most beautiful thing ive ever seen and knowing me and dh made her and she looked so much like dh, made me love her even more.
    so what im trying to say is dont beat yourself up about having a preference, but if its not the way you want it, you will seriously love the baby as soon as you see him/her :hugs:
     
  6. xloulabellex

    xloulabellex Mummy to 2 beautiful boys

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  7. babyv_s2012

    babyv_s2012 1st little princess

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    I feel like that! I'm convinced we're having a girl - ive only got a girl name picked out and all i can think about is the pink clothes and when shes older all of the girly things we will do together like manicures shopping and buying her her first piece of Tiffanys. I do feel really guilty though i told my mum and she said she felt the same with my brother she really wanted a girl and cried when he was born- but she said she soon got over it and loved him more than she thought was possible. 4 weeks til we find out :)
     
  8. Button#

    Button# Well-Known Member

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    I wanted a girl and was initially a little disappointed that it turned out I'm having a boy but very quickly afterwards I got used to idea of him being a little boy, having his own name and being able to call him by it was amazing. I'm now so excited about having him and I'm sure you will be too if it turns out your baby is a boy.
     
  9. Babyvoisey

    Babyvoisey Well-Known Member

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    I felt the same It didn't help all my pregnant friends are having girls but once I got my head round it being a boy u tend not to think about all things Girly anymore and u have a purpose to look at the boys section in shops! It'll be fine Hun! I can't wait for my little man to be here! He's Gunna be a spoilt mummys boy and I love that! I cant wait!!!! Xx
     
  10. Klaire79

    Klaire79 Well-Known Member

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    I really had no inclination as to what gender baby was had loads at work say girl, but my mum dreamt it was a boy and as soon as I walked into that hospital yesterday I had a strong feeling it was going to be a boy.
    I felt a pang of disappointment for my OH as he soooo wanted a little girl but as soon as we was told I quickly looked at him and he had a massive cheesy grin across his face!! He's over the moon and we were both grinning from ear to ear esp when they told us we have a beautiful baby 100% healthy but very naughty (he wouldnt stay still for the important bits) but decided to flash all his glory so much so we knew what we was looking at lol.
    Everyone must have a feeling and sway themselves to one way, but as I've been told all feeling and love that comes from holding your son or daughter for the first time, you'll be kicking yourself for ever feeling guilty! :)
     
  11. beanzz

    beanzz Mama to 2

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    Don't worry you'll love your LO no matter what team you join. A healthy baby is all that matters at the end of the day. :thumbup: You may feel a little disappointed but nothing stops you loving them.
     
  12. OriginalDoll

    OriginalDoll Gabby's Momi

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    My OH and I were hoping for a boy, I would always refer to the baby as "he." When we found out we were having a girl, yes there was slight feeling of "darn", but it soon passed. Now, I can't imagine us having a boy! Not now anyway :) A girl seems so fitting, we are both over joyed and can't wait to have and meet our little girl :)
     
  13. Wantapink1

    Wantapink1 Mum of 2 soon to be 3 x

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    I have 2 DS and am so wishing for a DD, I'm hoping I'm disappointed when I go for my gender scan in 18 days x
     
  14. no drama mama

    no drama mama Well-Known Member

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    I wanted a boy SO bad but after finding out it's a girl (especially after the abnormal NT scan debacle), I was surprised that I wasn't upset and actually really excited.

    But even if you are upset, it's OK. Really, it is :)
     
  15. Tilly87

    Tilly87 Team Blue

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    I know how you are feeling hun, i feel exactly the same apart from i hope my little one is a boy, i feel like i am obsessing and that i just won't feel the same excitement if i have another girl (we have 2 girls already) my scan is in 5days, hopefully once we see them little babies on screen everything is perfect and the gender won't matter x
     
  16. Jennifurball

    Jennifurball Mother of 1 and a bump!

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    I feel better for getting this out. I am starting to not be as bothered, health is the most important thing here, not gender. I am just super impatient and want to be organised and start calling baby by it's name, which is the main reason I want the gender scan.

    My clairvoyant said years ago I would have a girl at 28 (I'm 29, nearly 30 now but close enough!), my mum thinks it is a girl, I found the girl name so easily, it just felt right, but I am being silly. I need to prepare for a boy also, whatever surprise, it has to be a nice one so I am going to try and find a boys name this weekend that I love as much as Scarlett. :)
     
  17. Jennifurball

    Jennifurball Mother of 1 and a bump!

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    I have shortlisted the boys to Alfie or Oliver. :happydance:

    I can't find anymore that feel right. :coffee:
     
  18. kat2504

    kat2504 Well-Known Member

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    They are both nice boys names. I think Oliver goes particularly well with your two surnames too.
    don't worry too much about the "guilt" as it won't matter a bit next time you see your baby and especially not when it is born.
     
  19. dare2dream

    dare2dream pregnant after loss

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    iv been putting myself through the same thing... now its only 2 weeks before we find out for sure what the baby is and im trying to prepare myself for it not being the gender i hope for this time with my two sons i never minded what gender they was as id never wanted a little girl. this time around im terrified of feeling let down or dissapointed if its another boy. when in reality after what weve been through to have this baby together the only thing that matters is that he or she is healthy
     
  20. babyoneill

    babyoneill mother to Amber and Lexie and Jack

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    how did u do that name picture its adorable ? x
     

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