Getting upset

[debgreasby]

Really should stop going into first tri. Starting to get upset at all the NT scan/bloods posts.

"I wouldn't risk amnio etc coz i love my baby" - damn that hurts so bad. I loved my baby too, i still do. As a parent i did what was best for my child. I guess i just hate that they have their innocence. And i don't like to scare people with what i went through.

feeling crap.

 

[zoe87]

 

[hb1]

I think a lot of people would feel differently if this happened to them Deb This is the type of thing we all say about various life events without any experience.

I was talking about this with a pg friend recently - she said her friend had a severely disabled child who passed away at the age of 6. She went on to have a healthy baby. When expecting her 3rd baby she found out that he had the same condition as her 1st and she decided on a TFER - having gone through what she had already and having a little girl it wasn't fair on either of them to continue with the pregnancy.

I would never judge anyone for taking this decision - it is never one that would be taken lightly - you made the right decision for you and your family

hx

 

[bluesky]

 

[Mummy2Angel.]

 

[roonsma]

Deb, don't feel sad hun x

I came across a site about Edwards when i was looking up stuff about Down syndrome, from the little bit i read i know what a devastating thing it is.

I think you probably had little option but to have an amnio and i think i would have done the same in your situation.

People never dream they'd ever be in your shoes and your right they're lucky they still have pregnancy innocence.

Take care Deb xx

 

[Bluetomato]

I feel exactly the same, they say they wouldn't have an amnio etc, but they dont know what they would do if they were in that position as it hasn't happened to them. Like you said, you did what what best for your baby, dont ever let anyone make you think othewise x
Sending hugs x

 

[Vickieh1981]

Awww sweetie. You loved Charlie, we all know that.

I think that in their heads they are all saying that because they are thinking of downs and not terminating for that reason. Nobody really considers the more devestating chromosomal problems.

 

[PresqueVu]

Hi, I hope you don't mind me posting.

I came up high risk and decided to have the amnio, and whilst we were lucky we did go through that horrible period of wondering what our options were. It was the right decision despite the risk, and it sounds like it was for you too. Its so easy to make a judgement when its not you in that situation - and having the amnio in no ways means you don't care about your child.

 

[meow951]

Sorry if i upset you. I was one of the people who said that i wouldn't have an amnio but i meant that if everything looked ok and i don't have pregnancy innocence! I've already lost one baby.

Obviously what you did was the right thing to do for you. I just said it because it annoys me when people are very flippant about risks etc and perfect babies. If it came back that at the scan they thought there were problems then i probably would have it done to see if my baby would be in pain etc.

I didn't see anyone mean it in the way that you didn't love your baby because you had it done. It's more about mums to be feeling upset that people would terminate downs babies because they weren't perfect. From what little i understand Edwards syndrome is a much more serious condition and sometimes the decision to end the pregnancy is the best one when there are severe chromosomal problems.

Hugs x

 

[jenny25]

awww hun im sending you so much hugs and love , i barely go in first tri cause their is too many ups and downs in their tbh esp after the history we have , i know its a hard decision to make when it comes too it. my first son was disabled we didnt know the extent until he was born the doctors advised us to have a termination but i disagreed through my own choice i wanted to give our son a chance even though we lost him at 24 weeks he looked perfect too me even though his physical apperance was different x

 

[AP]

Debs, the girls above have wise words x

 

[lolly25]

x x

 

[Peril]

Hi Debs,

I know exactly what you mean. My last pregnancy (which was terminated in Feb @17 weeks) i was unable to have the NT scan at 12 weeks due to position of bubbs... had the blood tests, which came back indicating Edwards syndrome. I opted to have the amnio done, knowing what the probable consequences of having a baby with Edwards syndrome are. The amnio showed that the baby was actually a Triplody (every single pair of chromosomes was a triple, not a duo). The babys body was measuring 2 weeks small, altho the head was the correct size.

I would do exactly the same thing this time if the situation were the same. I am grateful that this time they were able to do the NT, which measures fine, and I have also had a letter today with the blood results indicating that i am not a high risk of chromosonal defects this time.

I have had people comment upon my decision, saying they could not have made that choice. I never thought i would as it was my third attempt and i was desperate to have it... but until you have been in that position facing those consequences its something that you really don't know what you would do.

In my opinion it would have been selfish to carry on with that pregnancy and it was better to find out sooner rather than later.

Big hugs we're all here for you xxx

 

[debgreasby]

Thanks Peril ... glad your results came back good this time

 

[Beadette]

Debs,

Hugs to you. I think any woman who has had to make that awful decision is incredibly brave and I think it's a very personal one. The decision you made was the right one for you. It's hard to imagine what it would feel like to be in that position and I don't expect its something that anyone would ever be flippant about.

You love Charlie with all your heart - we know that!

Lots of love to you hunny - and of course floaty kisses to Charlie xx x x x x x x x x

 

[mislaww]

Hugs, Deb.

No question how much you loved little Charlie. Having an amnio when there's a reason is an act of love, period.

As for the innocence...I hear you. The innocence over there stings.

Peril, so glad your test came back negative - after what you've been through, no one deserves it more. Deb, your negative test results are almost here, I know it.

 

[Perdita]

I can only hope that I have the strength to make the right decision if the situation ever arises. If my baby was sick or had a condition that they call 'incompatable with life' I hope I could make the choice to spare them any pain and end the pregnancy rather than bury my head in the sand and perhaps cause suffering after birth. That's why you have the amnio done, it gives you a definite answer thet the triple test can't so sometimes , as hard as it is, it is the best option.
Everyone is entitled to their opinions and we all think we know what we would do in a given situation but in reality it's what we hope we might do. Until you're there there is no way to tell. We can only do our best. Anyone who critices any choice you make should learn to keep their mouths shut! Their opinion is just that - their opinion and not their experience. They don't have to agree with the choice made but if they have any regard for other peoples feelings and lives they'll keep that opinion to themselves. 'I cannot agree with what you are saying but I will defend to the death your right to say it', the same goes for the difficult decisions too many of us have to make.
xxx

 

[Tulip]

Deb, I remember that week all too clearly. It was obvious that Charlie was very sick. I've not read the thread in first tri, but I do think most of it stems from innocence and of course the hope that they would never have to make that choice. The girls are right - most will automatically think of Downs. I'd never heard of Edwards until Charlie was diagnosed.

He was so poorly hon, and you were absolutely right to get that confirmed. And you were absolutely right to let him go. Ruby was suffering too - I still get visions of her fitting constantly on the screen, with her little brain completely unprotected and being attacked by the fluid. We both made our decision out of love for our babies. And you know what? Somewhere they are playing happily together without disability and without pain.

It's all very well and good thinking "I will/won't do such-and-such..." but I don't think anyone can judge us until they have faced the same choice.

 

[secretbaby]

I hate the term TFMR - .... people do not understand.... until I lost my son I am not sure I would have. We make the decisions we do out of love for our child - NO ONE wants a TFMR we do it out of love for the child and to avoid them suffering. My decision was slightly different - mine was to turn of Billy's ventilator, there was no choice let my son die slowly suffering or end his pain. It was the worse thing for me to have to do BUT the best for my son. I would have always said leave the ventilator on where there is life there is hope, but in Billys case not so - there was going to be no magic miracle - so we had no choice.

I am now high risk for downs, I won't have the amnio because billys problems were caused by my waters going early so I can't risk messing with the fluid. I hope to think this pregnancy I would again put the interests of my child before my own - and in not having the amnio I am doing this (i hope).

There are some things you can not understand until you have been through it - you can think you do - but in reality you can't. No one walks in your shoes but you. It is obvious from your posts how much you love Charlie, they are just in pregnancy ignorance (how I used to be).