Going back to work full time - child aged 3y2m

[LankyDoodle]

Hi,

I wondered if I could get your advice/opinions/experiences.

I became a single parent, very unexpectedly, last October. We had moved from a beautiful 25 year old, heat efficient house in the July, to a rural cottage that needed some decorative work (new bathroom etc) and is on oil heating, costing soooo much to keep warm in winter. My ex had left us in January then we had counselling and he begged me to take him back in the April, gradually moving back in with us. Then on 31st October he told us he was leaving. Soon after he told me he'd started a relationship with a woman he was with before he met me 11 years ago.

Anyway, I get tax credits now which I didn't get when I was with him; this pays for the childcare and some extra. I also get child maintenance (bumped amount from his mum until daughter starts school) which amounts to £75 a week but will reduce to £37 when she starts school as MIL will stop contributing. I get £20 child benefit. My income is just under 12k a year for 4 days a week term time only, and after pension, nic and tax, I take home about £840 a month. I use my car an awful lot in my job in outreach education (about 300 miles some weeks) so bits fall off here and there, although I do get mileage pay and make a smallish profit from that, plus some tax relief. So I am taking home around 500 a week all told. After I pay childcare (c.£145 a week) and mortgage (£139 a week), it leaves under 250 to pay for bills, food, cats (which I was lumbered with when he left despite them being his), horse (again, it was a joint domestic "pet" and I was left with that... have tried to rehome but he is old so can't), car, clothes/haircuts, and small bits to the house when I can.

It just doesn't cover it and I have turned to using my credit card for some things for the moment! I am selling everything I can sell to clear that, and I am sensible with the card don't get me wrong.

I am a trained teacher but have been out of teaching too long to return easily, so I am looking at other options, but they don't pay a great deal more than I earn now and would be 5 days a week. So the other option I have is to get a full time job, for which I can take home another 400-500 a month, and for this year my tax credits wouldn't be hugely affected due to the lowish change in gross between april 13/14.

The trouble I am having is this: my daughter just turned 3 and she spends every other weekend friday night to weds morn, with her dad/stepmum. So I'd only see her every other weekend and obviously evening times. Her dad has the same issue I suppose as he works full time. My daughter starts school in Sept 2014, and it had always been both mine and my ex's wish for me to be there for her until then as much as I possibly could, but I never envisaged this happening.

I wish I had never moved as we had a perfect house, a slightly lower mortgage and cheaper bills.

Has anyone else had to do the same thing? How do you manage?

 

[Rags]

Hello, I so sorry this is so difficult for you, it is a really hard juggle to try and balance child and financial needs and I don't know if I can give any helpful advice, only tell you how my situation works. I was luckier than you in that I am a single mum by choice and while hoping and trying to conceive I spent time planning my finances, sold my flat (thankfully just before the property crash) and bought somewhere nicer, and cheaper, at the bottom of the market. It's very close to my family network who provide huge support to allow me to work. I am a freelance worker and try to do as little full time as I can get away with. When I know it's a costly time of year - car tax, tv license, building insurance all happen at the same time - I take on extra work. At the moment I'm on a killer contract hours wise, working 6 days a week for a few weeks. It's awful for my son and I hate doing it. In July I go part time on another job for a couple of months which will be much better for both of us. I didn't know about tax credits until after lo was born and although I get a little don't want to become dependent as the whole thing is changing and I'll probably lose them. My lo in 3 years 3 months but won't go to school till 2015 because of our school year in Scotland. I'm not planning on sending him to nursery until the year before.
So, my big question is... If your partner and you both made the decision to move and both wanted you to bring up lo even though you are no longer together doesn't that still stand? Things seem amicable between you, and he seems to be contributing reasonably but can he add a little more until lo is at school - when his child care contributions will go down anyway? Although you do 4 days now with all the driving you must be tired, adding another day and more commuting may mean you don't vet to enjoy the little time you do get with lo.
I'm sorry I don't have any answers, I feel for you and wish you the best