Goodbye, Auxano

[honeybunch2k7]

Im kind of numb right now. I lost another one. Now I get to deal with insensitive medical staff again. For example, they took the body away to be weighed never to return it. Yet they wonder why I do not want to deal with them. Dr was a d---. I wanted to SNAP.

I gave him a strong name, Auxano. It is old Greek meaning growing or increasing.

 

[LaceFace88]

So sorry hun. I lost my son at 20w 6 weeks ago today. Sending hugs your way during this terrible time. If you need to talk you can always pm me when your ready to talk til then lots of hugs xxxxxxx
Lacie

 

[honeybunch2k7]

Currently, Auxano's body is at the hospital's pathology lab. I try to deal with this hospital as little as possible because they always seem to upset me somehow. I've already encountered the standard judgmental doctor. Now, i'm going to have to hassle to get the autopsy report.

Anna's body was taken in by the coroner. The receptionist was nice. She called me, asked me some questions, and sent the autopsy report back to me. The coroner's office called and ask for the name, time of birth, and time of death. Time of birth and death were not the same for either Anna or Auxano. I'm going to have to chase after them to make sure they do it RIGHT. I really shouldn't have to, but I do.

I have a feeling I may have to fight with medical records to put a name on the report and correct inaccuracies. I have a good hunch they are not very...thorough.

People who haven't been through this don't understand that the baby doesn't die it is delivered. It takes at least 5 minutes for them to do. Auxano was born kicking, and he was was still moving and attempted to breathe even after the afterbirth was delivered. Anna lived for at least 15 minutes.


Everybody, let's hope I don't flip my lid dealing with pathology and medical records departments.

I thought Auxano was about 18 weeks, but the dr said he was probably older than that. We'll see what the report says.

 

[Emmasmom2]

I am so sorry for your loss. Losing your child is heartbreaking. I've lost my daughter 4 weeks ago and I have yet to come to terms with it. I've been dealing with loads of incompetent people in the weeks after her death which makes me bitter and angry. For the most part, I've been given the runaround by my insurance company/hospital/doctor's office. It's been a nightmare. So sorry...

 

[honeybunch2k7]

Having a name on the report may seem trivial, but it's important to me to acknowledge Auxano as a human being. I hate that the body has remained at the hospital. It's just one more thing they can screw up. This hospital has already hurt me in ways that cannot be mended.

When I close my eyes, I see his face.

I have that deflated/empty feeling again. I got used to feeling him squirm.

I thought Auxano was a good name. I think if he had lived, he would have been strong. He looked a lot like me.

Thinking about him is making my boobs sore.

 

[LaceFace88]

U said earlier that they took the body away soon as you has him. They didn't let you hold him after you gave birth? And I know exactly what u mean on all of my reports my son is baby doe and that pisses me off he was born alive and feel that he should have A birth certificate but they didn't do one for him. I don't understand why they didn't. He was alive for at least an hour trying to breathe my poor little Elijah it broke my heart still does everyday ��

 

[LaceFace88]

It is a beautiful name very unique for a very precious baby boy ��

 

[honeybunch2k7]

U said earlier that they took the body away soon as you has him. They didn't let you hold him after you gave birth? And I know exactly what u mean on all of my reports my son is baby doe and that pisses me off he was born alive and feel that he should have A birth certificate but they didn't do one for him. I don't understand why they didn't. He was alive for at least an hour trying to breathe my poor little Elijah it broke my heart still does everyday ��

This hospital is not big on things like mementos, pictures, things of that nature, unless you have a "real baby." That is straight from the head nurse.
I've had losses at 16,18, and nearly 20 weeks. I'm not sure when they magically become real in the eyes of the staff.

I had Taylor at the hospital, and I had Anna and Auxano at home. With Taylor I was never given the opportunity to see him. I pushed him out then they took me to get a d&C. I was in shock, and didn't think to ask until later. Nothing was offered to me, not pictures or holding the baby or anything. They didn't even tell me if Taylor was a boy or a girl. I spoke to the head nurse later, and he said you can't tell the gender at 16 weeks-complete bollocks!

That's why I can say what Anna and Auxano looked like, but I can't tell you who or what Taylor looked like aside from a few ultrasounds.

I would rather labor at home for 18 hours and spend time with my babies than deal with insensitive staff. They think I'm crazy, but what does it say about THEM when I'd rather labor and deliver at home on my own than be around them?


This time they took Auxano away under the guise of weighing him. I asked another nurse how much longer, and he came back and said the body was in pathology.

If they call my Auxano baby doe I might flip. I asked the stupid dr to call the coroner like someone did last time, but of course, he didn't.


More on the name Auxano

 

[LaceFace88]

Oh my god that is awful!!!! I completely understand why you labor at home I cannot imagine not having the time with my son that I did have. They gave me a memory. Box toom pictures for me and dressed him. A baby is a baby nk matter what age.but at all your children's ages they are pretty much dully formed they are just very tiny. I can't imagine how they can live with themselves while they are causing so much trams to women. Getting to see the baby hold him or her and have mementos are the only memories. That we have left. Policies at that hospital need to be changed that is completely unacceptable and barbaric. I am so so so sorry hunnie that you have to deal with such ignorant medical "professionals" no woman deserves to be treated that way and no baby. My son was born alive and I cannot imagine him passing anywhere but in my arms. He was pronounced he had no heartbeat but for at least and hour he was still trying to breathe. It broke my heart to watch him go but wanted him to be with me while he did with his mommy in her loving arms and not alone. I held him for six hrs until the lost possible moment until they had to transfer me to a different ward. I cannot imagine not having that time. Can you try and talk to the hospital president or policy committee and make a complaint??

 

[LaceFace88]

I just read the meaning it is beautiful and completely agree with you it is perfect for him. ��

 

[honeybunch2k7]

I talked to pathology, and they said by law they dont give names to "specimens." Auxano is not a specimen. This is crazy. This is why I wanted to deal with the coroner, not with the hospital.

 

[LaceFace88]

Specimen are you even serious!!!! How can they consider children specimens that is horrific. Where are you from. They at least had to put on my sons paperwork baby doe at least they acknowledge the fact he was a baby

 

[SabrinaKat]

I read through this with horror. Honeybunch - where do you live? If in the UK, I would get onto your local MP or in the USA, your local representative. How you are being treated is an absolute disgrace and you and your LLOs (lost little ones) deserve better. I am so very sorry that you are going through this, and...

1. Can you get someone in 'power' to do something?
2. Can you complain to anybody about this so-called hospital?
3. In the Uk, after three losses, you are entitled to help with recurrant miscarriage (I know much later than miscarriage, but....)

Please know that you and your little ones deserve a voice, please, please, please look into getting some proper legal advice. I had a terrible mc experience (I know not the same) and I complained loud and clear to all anyd everyone, and it was due to that I felt able to try again. Going to another hospital helped and I was monitored closely in my successful pregnancy, but it was bittersweet thinking of my losses..

best wishes and hugs,

 

[honeybunch2k7]

I live in Mississippi. It's funny, because there's a big "fetus is a human being" movement down here. I don't really understand.

Yes, they called my Auxano a specimen.

I have complained before years ago. I see not much has changed. I only go because I live in a rural-ish area, and the other hospital is 30 minutes away.

I guess it's time for another letter writing campaign.

 

[LaceFace88]

Its is completely horrific. I would write a leter to the governor or the news channels. What about the people incharge of that movement do they have an organization who is fighting for fetal rights?

 

[honeybunch2k7]

I think I will write to the governor. Last time I wrote to the hospital, which is how i got to speak to the head nurse.

I suppose I could start an online petition, or even a real one.

Right now I'm trying to take it easy. I almost faxed a very nasty letter to pathology. Technically, I didn't even release the body to pathology. I asked for Gary or Brian by name from the coroner's office because I knew the hospital would do something to f up.

 

[LaceFace88]

Ya of course take ya time you just went through alot. But when you are feeling better I would absolutely write to the governor. It can't hurt. Something needs to be done. It should be a mothers right to decided whether see sees the baby and spends time with him or her AT THE LEAST. And they need to be more sensitive on how they treat second trimester losses because in all reality they are babies they have bodies and souls they are human beings just because they didn't make it makes them no less human. Good luck with everything and pm if you need to vent
xoxoxoxo
Lacie