got told off by the midwife for asking the sex!!

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by icy1975, Mar 26, 2010.

  1. icy1975

    icy1975 Lucy's mummy, aka Sarah

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    We had a great 20ish week scan this afternoon, the sonographer was lovely and spent ages getting baby into position and even let us go for a walk and come back to make sure she saw everything perfectly.

    However when we went in to see the midwife the first thing she said was 'oh no, you haven't found out the sex have you?' and we had, so told her this, she then went into a mini rant for 10 minutes about how we've ruined the surprise we'd have got at the birth and she doesnt understand why people find out the sex at their scan and that finding out the sex was stupid because as long as the baby was fed, watered and looked after it really didn't matter if it had a pink or blue room. I was shocked at this and just said 'well I can see it from both sides, I can understand why some people want to wait to find out but we really wanted to know' to which she responded that she couldn't see it from both sides and that we really didn't need to know until baby arrived.

    I can totally understand why some people don't want to know the sex but we did, and I'm sorry but the midwife is there to give medical advice not give us her personal opinion on the choices we've made, it really felt like she was telling me I'd done something to harm my baby in finding out the sex!!

    Both me and my husband we're really quite upset at her rant and it put a bit of a dampner on things, although we're both still really really excited that we're having a baby girl, I just don't want to have to see this particular midwife again :nope:

    Sorry for the mini rant about erm the mini rant but just wondering if anyone else has had an extremly opinionated midwife and if they've done anything about it?
     
  2. GossipGirl

    GossipGirl 2 yr old & preg again!

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    OMG I can't believe your midwife would give her opinion so openly on something that is totally up to you and your husband!

    I just read your post out to my boyfriend and he couldn't believe it either, shocking!
     
  3. isolabella

    isolabella Well-Known Member

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    What a complete cow. What is it with Midwives and medical staff in general thinking that their "opinion" about these things are more valid than yours and worth voicing. It's got nothing to do with them. For God's sake don't tell her any names you've got planned!! I am waiting for the day I have a positive experience at clinic or the midwife.
    Hugs to you hun and your OH, sod the lot of them don't let them ruin the day, just remember the scan x
     
  4. nicholatmn

    nicholatmn Guest

    OMG, I really don't think that was professional at all. :(
     
  5. xemmax

    xemmax mummy in love

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    wow!! you should have asked her whether that was her professional opinion! what a dufus, ignore her and congratulations!
     
  6. Noirin

    Noirin Well-Known Member

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    fair play to u and ur husband keepin a cool head...i would prob have lost it and told her were to stick her opinion....sorry for ur expierence but try to forget about it...your havin a lil baby girl congrats !! i cannot wait to find out wat im havin as im still kinda not beliving theres some1 growin in there lol so i think once i know wat it is and can give him/her a name i'll be able to believe its a lil person and think will help hubby to bond more too...as you said its totaly a personal choice and 1 me and hubby have decided on and we dont think its ruined the surprise at all simply we got the surprise earlier :) congrats and again and best of luck to u hubby and ut lil girl :) xxx
     
  7. KEmery08

    KEmery08 Well-Known Member

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    I would have been so annoyed! What right does she have to give you input on something that has absolutely NOTHING to do with her?!!
     
  8. kmac625

    kmac625 Mom to baby Clara

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    I would complain about her to someone. What she did is totally unprofessional and uncalled for. My midwife told me at the appointment a few weeks before my scan that if we wanted to know the sex to decide before the scan. She didn't offer any opinion on what we should do, just that it was up to us to decide. I'm in shock over how yours treated you. I hope you can switch to another mw because I wouldn't want her at a my delivery!
     
  9. quaizer

    quaizer Mom of 3 NTNP

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    Cheeky cow!! She's paid to take care of your anti-natal care not give an opinion on YOUR personal choices. How my moods have been just lately, I think I may have nutted her!

    Sorry had to pop over for a rant on this thread, it really got my dander up! Good luck for the rest of your pregnancy! xx
     
  10. mommy2bej

    mommy2bej My eggo is preggo! 2ndTRI

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    wow your midwife sounds like my OH's dad. I love my midwife shes really nice.. I just don't like my gyno.. he seems a bit cold and im a very warm person so i try to make people feel comfortable around me and he seems immune..
     
  11. eightambliss

    eightambliss TTC #1!

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    That's awful! It's your business if you want to know the sex, not hers! I would switch it if were possible! And I'd want to know the sex too, cause I'm like that. Seriously, it doesn't affect her, so she doesn't need to worry about it....:wacko:
     
  12. NeyNey

    NeyNey Love My IVF Munchkin

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    I'm too opinionated for my own good in cases like that. i would have told her, "Well thanks for your opinion...but we're excited today, so i think you've raved on enough thanks"

    :hugs:
    Congratulations on ur little girl btw :)
     
  13. rainbows_x

    rainbows_x Mummy.

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    Bloody hell, she must have some nerve talking to you like that!
    How rude! If it was me I would of bloody smacked her! :haha:
    Maybe try changing midwfie, becuase you really do not want people like that making happy news seem like something bad.
    :hugs:
     
  14. bunnyg82

    bunnyg82 Mum to 2 gorgeous boys

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    Oh my god, what an absolute twat of a woman. How dare she be so unprofessional. I think I would have absolutely flipped if it was me. It really pisses me off that people in general think they aer entitled to make an opinion on your personal decisions, but for a medical professional to do it it's just out of order.

    I definitely can see it from both sides and totally think it's personal choice - some people want to wait and that's fine, but for me and my hubby it was totally the right decision and I am absolutely deligted knowing I am having a little boy. It doesn't mean I am any less excited to meet him at the birth, I can't wait! x
     
  15. binxyboo

    binxyboo Well-Known Member

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    I think that is totally unprofessional.
    There are many reasons people do and don't find out about the sex.
    I fouind out, and it wasn't so I could have a blue or pink room (It will be gender neutral anyway!!)
    I wanted to know so that we could bond better with baby and start calling him by the name we had chosen. I hated referring to him as 'It' and hubby felt that 'It' was a non-entity - not a little person!!

    She had no right to tell you what she did.
    If it were me, I would complain.

    (And grats on the pink one :pink: )
     
  16. Cat lady

    Cat lady Well-Known Member

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    First of all HUGE congrats on your little girl! How very exciting! We are having a little boy and we are doing the blue thing. We felt we wanted to be prepared and it was a surprise at the scan, we can now call our little boy by his name and call him a him and not an it!!!

    Secondly, your MW doesnt sound like the type of person you need at the birth of your little girl, standing there making judgements! I think MW's need to be non-opinionated on this type of thing, just because something is their preference doesnt mean it has any actual medical impact on you or your child. That is the most important thing! If you dont like her, try and avoid her, is there a MW you do like? Most of the them have one day a week where they always work, you can try and catch the midwive you do like on that day!
    Good luck
    xxx
     
  17. steff23

    steff23 1st time mum-to-be

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    i am actually speechless at this! It doesnt cause any harm if you find the sex out or not before the birth. I have my 20wk scan on 1st April and we are def going to find out the sex of our little one just so i feel like i am more prepared with the arrival.

    Like some of the other girls have said previously it is totally down to the individuals if they feel it appropriate to find out or not. It doesnt mean you have done something wrong if you do and she shouldnt of spoken to you like that. If you really feel like you dont want to go back and see her maybe you could see the doctor and ask to see another MW or ask the receptionist if there is another MWn at your sergery you could see.

    Hope she hasnt put a downer on it too much & congratz on your little girl x
     
  18. rachxbaby1x

    rachxbaby1x Well-Known Member

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    OMG I cant believe ur mw said all that to u! Thats so out of order!!!! Im in complete shock, dont know how u must feel hunni, im sorry u had a bad time :(
    Perhaps change mw?? xxxxxxxxxxx
     
  19. Delamere19

    Delamere19 Mummy to 2 gorgeous boys!

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    Honestly I find these so called "professionals" unreal! Who do they think they are telling you that you shouldnt have found out!??

    Just ignore her and enjoy this time. Huge congratualtions to you hun xx
     
  20. babythinkpink

    babythinkpink Mum to 5!

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    How rude, I think i would have been tempted to remind her just who was having the baby!!

    We need to know for lots of reasons!

    Anyway all personal preference and up to you and dh and no one else, it was just rude saying what she did, and i thought they had to keep their opinions to themselves? Great having her at the birth when you want pain relief but she decides your better off without it, no thanks!!

    Congrats on your little girl :cloud9:

    :hugs:
     

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