1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be instantly removed. 2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away. 3. Avoid arguments with the wife about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink. 4. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button. 5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough. 6. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget all about the toothache. 7. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. 8. Some people are like slinkies ...They're not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.