Guilt over youngest child

[MommaJJ]

I'm on baby number 5 (yes, I'm crazy), but my youngest is 2 and although I'm thrilled to be pregnant again I look at him and feel really guilty, I guess I feel he will be less of my baby I adore all of my children and they all get on so well, I just don't want this guilty feeling like I'm doing something terrible to my toddler? Anyone else?

 

[Ceejay123]

I feel like the worst Mummy in the world for the things Im about to write.. But I have no Mummy friends that would understand. I've told nobody this except my sister... and there are people I know on this site that will probably judge me for this.. but if my experiences can help another, I don't care.

I felt terrible when I was pregnant. I was in awful pain the whole way through with an irritable uterus and really poorly. I was on 8 codeine a day, signed off work and not allowed to drive. I didn't bond with my pregnancy at all and all I could think was that my LO would suffer (my other child was 2) We're so close that I just felt like I was pushing him out by being pregnant. With the pain I was in, pre eclampsia and blood pressure issues, I just blamed the baby inside of me. Guilt much ><

The minute my LO was born was an emergency. I was told had to have him NOW. He'd swallowed meconium and was very poorly _ I was also very poorly with risk of seizing due to incredibly high BP/Protein with Pre-E. He was born in about 30 seconds with 2 pushes and his Dad not in the room as it was too urgent. I couldn't hold him either as I was really ill.

He was taken to his Dad who held him in the corner of the room while he was wheezing. (Serious lung infection) I was taken to the bed to be worked over, and I immediately started crying. The midwives were concerned and my OH panicked - My sister understood. I was crying, sobbing my heart out because I felt so guilty for disliking this little baby throughout my whole pregnancy. Here he was, poorly as anything, about to be rushed to the NICU.. and all I had done for 6 months (found out late) was dislike and blame him for the pain I was in and the upset I feared his brother would feel. I sobbed in the labor suite about how terrible a Mum I was and how much I loved him instantly. The minute he was born I felt the same gush of love I had with his brother - He wasn't the 'thing' that was in the way any more - He was my second child.

I now love both of my children exactly the same. They are both my world, both my little Mummys boys. I was worried my 2 (now 3) year old wouldn't get enough mummy time/attention - but the truth is, the three of us now have the most amazing moments. He loves his brother - possibly more than he even loves me! The three of us have such a tight bond I couldn't have even imagined. The minute he was born I felt so stupid and guilty.. for feeling guilty.

It'll pass. I promise. x

 

[Amygdala]

Ceejay, thank you for sharing that! I've not been through anything similar but I understand why you felt that way. I'm glad to read that you got over it, both the resentment and the guilt. Pregnancy is hard sometimes.

MommaJJ, I feel the exact same thing. I already have two so they each have a sibling already and I feel like I'm having another baby for my own selfish reasons. But of course that's not the whole story. Of course they'll have to share me with another sibling but they'll also have another sibling to share their lives with. Someone else to have their back and be there, no matter what. Or at least that's my hope for them. Knowing that doesn't stop me feeling guilty for taking time away from them but I know that it's going to be ok. I felt the same when I had my second and of course now I absolutely couldn't imagine our family any other way.

 

[jenmcn1]

I feel the exact same way about my youngest (pregnant with #4). He is only 17 months so will be just 2 when baby is born.
I feel very torn already with 3 kids...and my little guy is just such a mamas boy...not sure what to do. I know that he will be different in 6-7 months from now...just makes me sad that he won't be my baby anymore

 

[MommaJJ]

Thanks for your replies ladies, I was really poorly with my last pregnancy and for the last 3 months was housebound, couldn't even take the other children to school (my grandad did it for me), all I used to do all day was feint due to low bp and very anaemic. I instantly loved my youngest as I did was all of my others but out of all of my children he's the biggest mummy's boy and I can't imagine him wanting to share me and as awful as it sounds I feel bad expecting him too, even though he will have to. I feel like such an awful mummy and it makes me cry when I see his doting face, thinking he will no longer be my baby.. (Bloody hormones, making me sob whilst I write this), I'm also afraid to have any negative feelings as I want this baby so nice and I don't want to 'jinx' myself into losing it. Stupid I know.

 

[vaniilla]

Guilt is a normal and hormonal part of pregnancy, I only have 1 child who will be close to six when lo is born and yet I've had days of crying in guilt that he will now have to share the attention he gets and I'm terrified of him feeling left out, but it's just hormones, once they're here I'm sure the doubt will go away.

 

[Inge]

my youngest is a total baby. He wants my cuddles all the time, wants his feet rubbed and legs rubbed and just wants attention. I think he will be abit shocked when I have a newer baby that needs to be held and cuddled. My youngest is 3 though so not much of a baby!

 

[KimmieHawkins]

I got pregnant with my second 10 months after my first. they are literally BFFs. don't worry. just include the 2 year old with feedings and changing etc.

 

[SCgirl]

My only child is still a baby- just turned 11mo- so I'm scared to death. They'll be between 18 and 19 months apart.
With DS, I was sick most of the time, developed pre-e and got put on bedrest at 30w, spent the last month actually in the hospital, almost died during delivery and could barely function the first few weeks of his life (which I actually hardly remember, and still feel guilty about).
I had plans of losing weight and getting healthier and letting him get older before having another baby... buuuut oops. Now I'm scared to death that something like that will happen again, and I won't be able to care for him like I should. I feel like I'm robbing him of his baby-hood...