ha ha ha ha BOOM you're Pregnant

[helpme31]

Hello,

I am 30 year old woman who has gotten knocked up. I am not all to thrilled and all I can see is reasons not to have this child. The father is being a real piece of work and I am stuck to deal with my mood swings alone. Some days I am fine while others I am like WTF and why did this have to happen to me? I am truly at a road block and do not know what I should do. I feel alone and all I do is sleep and once I wake up I feel depressed or have low energy for the day. I cannot differentiate between the two... I am so lost and feeling lonely.

Any advice is will be read!

Thanks
30 Single and Pregnant

 

[tag74]

Well I think you're brave to write this. Especially within a group of woman desperately trying to get pregnant and who have been trying for a long time. I hope everyone can embrace you here.

1st, I think you're of a mature age, that you may find having a child a blessing regardless of an unsupportive father. I was a single mom for 11 years and it was an amazing experience. And I was 25 when I had mine.

2nd, you could bless another family with a child if you have the baby and decide to do adoption.

Either way, I hope you can find a silver lining in this. Coming from a mom who had a baby when I was really young and now getting older. I wouldn't trade having my children regardless of the early obstacles I had. Sometimes your children can teach you unconditional love and that being selfless is sometimes the best feeling in the world. It may feel far from the truth right now...but with the right support...you'd be surprised of its blessings.

Hang in there!

 

[Blu10]

I agree with pp the tone of your post may be offensive to some of the ladies here who have tried for a baby for a long time and/or experienced losses previously so you may get some negative responses.
Theres no doubt that having a child is life changing but for me I now wonder how boring it must have been prior to DS's arrival, hes the centre of my world! Being pregnant is a really scary time when you plan a pregnancy let alone when you dont and everyone has what have I done moments.
How far gone are you and do you have support from family/ friends?

 

[ArmyOfUs]

Being honest is so brave, and important especially in this situation. You have big decisions to make. I really don't have any advice except to ask yourself the big questions. Can I do this alone? Do I want to do this alone? You need to do what's best for you and baby and unfortunately can't rely on having the father in the picture. You should discuss your choice with him because even though he he unsupportive he is the father. I wish you the best of luck in your reflection and decision process.

Edit: I don't find this thread offensive at all. You are a woman asking for support. It makes me so sad that it seems so hard for women to support each other. This is actually the first trimester section of the forum. I think you are feeling low enough and shouldn't have to be told your feelings are offensive. Good luck!

 

[jenny873]

.

 

[maryanne1987]

I agree that the tone of this post could be seen as offensive, there are so many ladies here desperatly struggling to concieve, who are struggling with being in limbo not knowing if their babies are ok or who have recently suffered a loss. It is good to vent and of course be able to seek advice from others but may be a good idea to try thinking of others feelings and how your post may come across.
I really don't have any advice for you in your situation but I truely hope you feel better soon. Hopefully you have a good support network around you to help you through whatever you decide. Good luck!

 

[lilmisscaviar]

All I have to say is if you cannot do this for yourself, do it for your unborn child. He/she may change your life for the better!

 

[MyFavSurprise]

I am sorry you are having so much trouble right now with this. I agree with Blu10, no matter if you try for a baby or not it can be so hard to deal with the feelings. My son was concieved as a big surprise when I was 22 and the father turned out to be terrible and obsessive and stalked me. I had to quit my job and move and get a new car so i could hide because he lost his mind. I loved being pregnant though occasionally I had doubts due to the father.

I never for a minute regretted running from him and I raised my son alone for the last 4 years and I can't even tell you how amazing and rewarding it was...we have the most beautiful relationship and the day he was born I knew I would never be lonely again. I had second thoughts all the way through my 3rd trimester and considered adoption but I was adopted myself and had trouble with that..Not that I think it's wrong in any way because it gave me a chance that I wouldn't have had otherwise.

However with this pregnancy I am with a new and wonderful man that treats my son as his own and we tried for this baby and every day I have horrible mood swings and I am having an awful time accepting things...I know it's what I want but I can barely picture a baby through this and its very hard.

Sorry for the essay, but I wanted to let you know how normal what you're feeling is and maybe give you a little hope in this time.

 

[lilmisslilly]

I understand and appreciate that there are many ladies on here who have been trying for a long time and have suffered losses, nobody wants to offend or upset them as of course they have struggled and have had tough journeys and it is great that they have come to where they are now. However, it doesn't mean that your journey, your feelings and your struggles are any less tough than anyone else's. Everyone's situation is different and people's experiences and paths are so different. You feel like your struggling at the minute so and you need help and support so I really don't see why your post should of offend anyone.
Ok sorry rant over.

I think you just need to take your time and assess your own feelings, not the situation as situations change all the time. It's tough because the first trimester is rotten and can affect our moods and give us anxiety so that we may not think we clearly as we would normally. You may find as your pregnancy progresses that you feel differently. All I can say is don't rush into any decisions and make sure that you do what is best for you and not the father or anyone else.

Things probably aren't as bad as what they seem right now and it will get easier but i think you know what you want in your heart xx

 

[daniyaaq]

When I got pregnant with my first I was 19 and I could have written your post word for word. I got hit by terrible morning sickness just when I was processing the news. So my entire first trimester consisted of sleeping, depression, and head in toilet.

Like all ladies say, you need to be honest with yourself and decide what to do. Making that decision helped me get through the pregnancy and it was the same, the depression didn't go away till bub was born (luckily). But knowing what I'm planning helped and then just taking it 1 day at a time, things always work out, and beauty of doing it alone you have complete control

 

[oneill614]

I am 33 and single but am in a relationship with the father. I had no intention of having children until this pregnancy happened, so I know how you feel. I strongly considered not having the baby or adoption, but I am now very excited to be expecting and really happy.

During first trimester I was extremely exhausted and depressed for a few weeks. I felt I wouldn't be able to make it to the end and that I was destined to be that one woman whose exhaustion never subsided. But it did and I made it.

Get some support wherever you can. This board has been very helpful, and I reached out to my friend's sister who just had a baby. Find someone who has been pregnant recently and can listen. You don't need a man but you do need support.

 

[jessmke]

I am sorry that people are telling you that your post is offensive. This forum is for women who are pregnant in their first trimester, regardless of how long they have been trying or whether or not it was planned or whether or not they are happy about it. You are pregnant in your first trimester and came here for support, and hopefully people will be able to look past their own situations and offer support, just like other people offered support to them when they reached out.

I am sorry you are in this situation, my baby was planned and very wanted, and the first trimester has still been incredibly hard, I can't image doing this as an unplanned surprise. I've said many times that this is so hard, I don't know why anyone would do it more than once. I remember thinking about how many more weeks I had to go in the first tri and crying because I didn't know how I would cope with the sickness and exhaustion (and hormones!). Now that I am starting to feel better, I am starting to get much more excited about this little life inside of me. You have been through a huge shock, give yourself time to let things sink it. And if the baby's father is a jerk, then try to distance yourself from him and try to wrap your head around just you and the baby, and don't even have the father in the picture.

Good luck!

 

[sofat]

I am sorry you are having so much trouble right now with this.

 

[mummy2o]

You might actually be depressed and should see a doctor about that, as depression in pregnancy is pretty serious and they like to keep a close eye on you.

I'm sorry your in this situation. But life does throw us some shitty hands at time and its up to you how you want to play it out.

Do you want to continue this pregnancy? That's up to you to decide, but don't feel like you should make any rash decisions in the heat of the moment as you might end up regretting it.

If you do, do you want to keep the baby? That's also up to you to decide. I was a single mum at 21 to a lovely boy, who ended up having autism. He's the best mistake I've made. But you could also give the child up for adopting if you so wish to do so. I'm not really for or against adoption as some people thrive with being adopted and some hate it and to a degree resent life because of it.

 

[helpme31]

And I do feel selfish for even thinking of getting rid of it. I had miscarriages before and I felt some type of connection but this I cannot find the love. I really would givethis child to a couple if I knew the father would not pop up and try and take me to court over it!

Thank you I am praying about this as we speak and thank you

 

[helpme31]

And that is where I am at and because I suffer from depression I cannot tellif Iam depressed or sleepy and I do not want to hurt myself or the baby...

Thank You

 

[helpme31]

Thanks Well we were just f***** and now he left me looking F***** DUMB

Thanks

My family is supportive but after a long day at work i just want to be held by the man that helped me get here

 

[chezababy]

I think your feelings are very understandable. My baby was planned (and I've done it once before so should no better) but I still sit here thinking why on earth am I putting myself through it. The first tri for some people is all consuming, the sickness and tiredness take over you and it's a huge shock even when you expect it. It's scary to feel your body go through all of these things that you do not want. I can't imagine how much more scary it must be if you weren't expecting it. I think seeing a doctor about possible depression should be your first task. Are you in the UK? If you are contact your midwife and explain the situation to them. They will be able to offer more support (outside of the UK a doctor my be able to do the same). Don't do anything in a hurry. You have a bit of time to think things through. 9 months is actually a long time to get prepared if you decide you can do this. I'd give the father some time as he may come around but I wouldn't rely on his support when deciding what to do. I actually disagree with the other poster, this decision is yours not his. If he didn't want a baby he shouldn't have got you pregnant. It is now your turn to decide what YOU want. Please keep posting here. This section is for any mother in the first tri and not just those that's are worried about suffering a loss. However maybe if you could post some practical questions or explain a little more about what concerns you etc people can offer you more helpful advice.

 

[skyesmom]

sorry that you have to go through this :/ not an easy place to be. it sounds like you are going through a serious depression and you should talk about that to your doctor asap. it is as serious of a condition as your pregnancy is, and your hormones kicking in on top aren't a joke or to be underestimated either.
you're also at a higher risk for a PPD, no matter what your ultimate choice is (keeping, adoption..).

maybe your doctor can prescribe you a therapy or some mild antidepressants. i've been severely depressed for over a year, and it comes back occasionally and one thing i've learned is NOT to make important choices while depressed, as my depression literally cuts me off my own self and my own feelings and i'd end up making a wrong choice in 99% of the cases. there were days where i was so indifferent to everything and anything around me that I could have left the OH (the BEST man on earth i'd give my life for anytime when i'm my normal self) in a blink of an eye. or as a matter of fact, cut any personal contact with anyone beside me (parents, friends, colleagues...).
so when this kind of a black cloud takes me, i decide NOT to act upon it as much as i can. nor to make important decisions. i seek help from my therapist (i'm unmedicated) or talk to the people close to me and let them know how i feel and what phase i'm in and that also helps.

keeping my fingers crossed for you and your baby!

 

[lewood88]

I dont find ur post offensive infact i find it very real to what alot of ppl feel but never have the gutts to say it, dd1 wasnt planned at all and was with a guy i was seeing as soon as i said im pregnant he done a runner and left me all alone, i did not know what to do i was 23 at the time, i had a rough pregnancy and me too couldnt bond with my bump, but when i had dd i fell in love i wudnt trade her for the world, we dont need men to raise a child we are strong enough to get on with it