Had nephew over for dinner (rant - again)

[JASMAK]

I had my nephew over to play with my son (my nephew is 8, my son is almost 7) and things went pretty well. I have had him since 1:30, and it is just 6pm here now. Anyways, the kids have been getting along not too badly. I caught my nephew hitting Jasper's transformer with a hockey stick though...and he broke it, but that isn't too bad for this kid. I would say he has some behaviour issues. But, then we had dinner. I made spaghetti because I was going to make sweet and sour meatballs with rice (which my family likes) but my nephew, Evan, just whined and whined so much that I changed it to spaghetti...which isn't a big deal. But, the manners at the table were HORRIBLE. Seriously! He whined, complained about EVERYTHING. "Is this ALL I am getting?" "I don't want that!" "Don't you have a napkin?" "Where is my cookie?!" He must have belched at least three or four times...not excusing himself until I reminded him. He kept walking away from the table...which is a no-no in our home...my kids asked to be excused. He talked with his mouth full, never said one please or thank you. I kept reminding him with his manners, but then he started to do this whistling thing...because he wanted his cookie, but we were all still eating. Ugh...the complaining just went on and on and on!!! OK...and here is the worst...I was telling my son, Jasper how my baby in my tummy had hiccups, and then I said how Makena never really had hiccups, but Jasper always did...and then Evan said..."maybe because she has autism". WTF! My daughter was sitting RIGHT there! I am kind of annoyed at my sister...I mean really, does she not teach her son ANY manners. Both my kids are younger and are way more polite. The one thing I cannot stand is a rude kid. Drives me insane. I find that most of Jasper's friends (who are 6) usually forget a please or a thank you...but, if I gently remind them...they do so. Not my nephew...he just laughs in your face and gets more rude. What do you think? Should I mention this to my sister? And, if you think I should, what should I say? I tell you though, I don't think he will be back for dinner for awhile.

 

[dizzyisacow]

i wouldnt directly tell her your concerns. maybe go out with her to a restaurant somewhere public for dinner with the kids, and when her son does something rude correct him, if it was me i would definetely notice the difference in kids manners and with you correcting him she might get the hint.
or explain to him how its rude to do so and so, whilst she can hear. i wouldnt recommend this for someone who is a friend but she is your sister so i assume you have the kind of relationship where she wouldnt take offence.
and well done on teacing your children manners, i was never taught and then my mom miraculusly expected me to say thank you and please.
(i cant spell today its too early!)

 

[emilyjade]

yes i would say something i dont care of the age but when ur in someone elses house what says go's! shes your sister so i dont think she would mind and if she does just say something like i dont think its right saying infront of makena she has autism and thats hes teaching your children mad manner.
sounds like he does need his mummy to step up a gear tho, hope your all okay ! x

 

[sparkle_1979]

That would drive me crazy because im the same as you and can not stand rude children especially at a dinner table. It's a difficult one, but I'd make it clear that when he's in your home he goes by your rules and will not just leave the table and belch. I'd also ask your sister to talk to him about what he said to your daughter and tell her how it really upset you!
Actually I dont think I'd have the little horror over for dinner again! He sounds like a nightmare x

 

[sparkle_1979]

also kinda have the same problem going on with my family, but not to that extent because the children our not rude, but never ask to leave the table ect and also when staying their mum thinks Im mean for putting them to bed early as they dont have a bed time, but when at mine they go to bed when ruby does...My house, my rules

 

[NuKe]

imo, there is NO excuse for bad table manners! i was brought up to use knife and fork properly (no shovelling etc), no elbows on the table, you ask to be excused ("please may I leave the table?"), you don't chew with your mouth open etc etc and my daughter will be brought up the same way! no excuse!!!

 

[sparkle_1979]

I agree totally with you and it really surprises me how many people don't use basic manors, like waiting for everyone to sit down before starting eating...Also kids that just get up and leave a table really gets to me. I was always made to sit at the table to eat and TV turned off, though now if my husband is away I will have my dinner on the coffee table with the TV on, but it still feels weird lol

 

[marley2580]

I think with the table manners it's not fair to expect a child to know what they have to do in your house when they're not used to it. I teach my kids table manners but they don't have to excuse themselves before they leave the table, just say thank you. Everyone's expectations are different. I do expect a basic degree of politeness though, please and thank you etc, but I make a point of reminding them. I do think some of the other behaviour should be tackled with your sister though.

 

[Kitten]

Eurgh, there's nothing worse than the result of crap parenting! No offense to your sister but I can't believe he only does it when out of her sight iykwim? She needs to step it up. But I do agree with marley that it differs from house to house. I've never had to excuse myself from the table or anything like that but I don't think anyone would have ever accused me of having bad manners. Simple things like not talking with a full mouth, not belching, saying please and thankyou etc. you'd expect but it seems like he doesn't even have these basics.

 

[andbabymakes3]

I can't stand kids with bad table manners. My sisters kids are the same, they sit playing their Nintendo DS things whilst everyone is eating, they steal food from eachothers plates, they take bites out of the bread and put it back on the (communal) plate - they are just awful. To the point where the rest of the family wont go out to eat in public with them (unless it's McD's or something similar, where they can behave like chimps).

If it were me, I would say something to your sister - although I have said it to my sister and I may aswell talk to the wall. She thinks I'm the odd one for making them sit up straight, put their computers away, use a knife and fork... =o)

 

[JASMAK]

I can't stand kids with bad table manners. My sisters kids are the same, they sit playing their Nintendo DS things whilst everyone is eating, they steal food from eachothers plates, they take bites out of the bread and put it back on the (communal) plate - they are just awful. To the point where the rest of the family wont go out to eat in public with them (unless it's McD's or something similar, where they can behave like chimps).

If it were me, I would say something to your sister - although I have said it to my sister and I may aswell talk to the wall. She thinks I'm the odd one for making them sit up straight, put their computers away, use a knife and fork... =o)

Thanks everyone. I have spoken to my sister kindof vaguely in the past, but it is like talking to a wall with her. She does get her back up. My nephew will hit and punch...and I have spoken to her about it before, and she just gets mad at me! One time he kicked me so hard, I flew up against the wall. He doesn't seem to hit as much anymore (he is 8) but the manners are just terrible. I don't expect him to do everything...I know that we have stricter rules than my sister...but, he is over enough to know what most of them are, but it is the please, thankyous, and standing up on his chair that drove me the most crazy....oh, and can't forget the CONSTANT complaining...which is what he father does...so I know where he gets it from...but, it is just soooooo rude. I should have videotaped it! LOL! Anyways, hubby and I talked about it, and we agreed not to have him over for awhile. If the opportunity comes up to talk to my sister, we will...but, we are not going to bring directly to her attention as she is going through alot right now (possible divorce etc).