Three men were at the zoo chatting to an Octopus who said that he could play any musical instrument. One man said, 'Get lost! I bet you couldn't play this flute!' The Octopus took the flute and played it better than James Galway. 'Flippin' heck,' the second man said, 'Here, play this guitar.' The Octopus took hold of the guitar and played better than Jimi Hendrix and Eric Clapton combined. The men looked dumbstruck. Then the third man - a Scotsman, said, 'Aye, but I bet ye cannae play one a these,' and passed over a set of bagpipes. The Octopus stared at the bagpipes and turned them over and over peering intently into every part of them. He looked completely baffled. 'Ha,' said the Scotsman. 'I dinnae think ye could play it.' 'Play it? Play it?!' said the Octopus. 'I'm going to shag it when I work out how to get it's bloody pyjamas off!'