Happy to be pregnant but frustrated today

[Viperbunny]

Hi all,
I'm about 4 weeks 5 days pregnant after losing my daughter Amelia 7 months ago. I am very happy to be pregnant, but I'm having a rough day. I was in all my regular cloths until I delivered (at 29 weeks) as I am overweight and the doctor told me not to gain weight. This time around I just feel huge, like the little bit of a belly I had before is bulging right out. I expected to show early, but 4 weeks? I am already fat, and I wanted a baby belly so bad last time, but now everything feels tight and my boobs feel like they are HUGE. They were big to begin with but I feel like they really out there. Twins do run in my family, but I don't have a scan until May 10th, which is an eternity.

I want this baby so badly, and am so happy to be pregnant, but I just want to cry. My husband is super supportive, but he doesn't seem to understand that I am self conscious, especially since only a few people know and none of them are family. I have no one to share these feelings with. We want to wait until after I get amnio results, which is around 17 weeks. I have no clue how to wait that long. Part of me doesn't want anyone to know and part of me wants to tell everyone. But I can't do it to them or to me. Everyone was so excited the first time, and when my daughter died it took a huge toll on us all. I don't need my mother (the drama queen) to ask me if this pregnancy feels different. Of course it does, every pregnancy is from what I hear.

I get so flustered so easily. We decided to go out with a friend tonight, but what should have been something that was few hours, it's turning into an all night thing. I suggest going to one event, and now my husband wants to do both, which would be fine if I wouldn't be stuck there all night. He claims we can leave whenever, but I feel horrible doing that to him when he is having a good time. He won't leave me behind either, as he feels to guilty. So now I am trying to figure out how upset he would really be, since he won't tell me now, but I know he will complain about it later.

Sorry, ranting. It's just been a rough day

 

[Cheska]

Viperbunny sorry your having a rough time. It's probably just bloating that nobody else will notice. I hope you start to feel better soon

I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my little one at 29 weeks last year. Just done a test and

Maybe we could share this exciting scary journey.

 

[Viperbunny]

Thanks for the support, sorry for your loss, and congrats on your BFP! It would be great to have someone to share this with Last pregnancy I thought my college roommate was going to be my pregnancy buddy, and at 5 months she found out her baby was not going to live long after birth. I felt so bad for her, I didn't want to burden her. When things started going downhill with my pregnancy I didn't know what to do.

How are you feeling about your pregnancy? I know it's a good thing, but I know how scary it can be. My daughter died from complications of a genetic disorder, something they told me was random and rare, so my chances of it happening again are extremely, extremely rare, but I can't help but be nervous. It was rare the first time, but it happened, and that is always in the back of my mind, and why I have chosen not to share the news with my family yet. Are you planning on waiting to tell people or are you going to share your news?

 

[Cheska]

I'm so excited (we have been trying since last august) but also very nervous.

My LO suffered from IUGR due to either my high blood pressure, blood pressure meds or both. Have been told it's very likely to happen again but I am under a fantastic consultant at a much more specialist hospital who hope to get me further down the line with a reasonable weight to be able to deliver baby.
I started taking baby aspirin as soon as I found out. At the moment I just feel worried that I'm going to wake up in a puddle of blood and it all be over

Dh has told my mum without us talking first. He said he wanted somebody else to support me and go to appointments seen as there will probably be a lot.
Going to tell my managers at work so they can look after me and not let me lift a thing.
Don't want to tell anyone else for as long as poss. Have worked out with our holidays might be able to keep it from the inlaws until about 16weeks

What about you? Have you seen doctor or midwife yet? Had anything done?

 

[Viperbunny]

Hi,
Sorry, I didn't see this until this afternoon. I have my first appointment May 10th. I may call tomorrow though since my morning sickness is so bad I can't keep much down. I went in for a blood test in the beginning to confirm, as the doctor though that it was early because of the date of my last period, but it came back positive.

It's so hard for me to keep this too myself. My LO also suffered IUGR, but they think that was because of the triosmy 18. I had gestational diabetes (I am overweight) and they said that will happen again. I am trying to avoid lots of sugar, but gingerale and believe it or not, ice cream have been the only things I can keep down (and I have been experimenting with everything).

I caved and told my sister, my hubby told his father (his parents are divorced). A few friends know and my husband's bosses know (since he will be taking time for my appointments). I hate keeping this a secret, and I am so sick it is getting hard to hide. I was sick last pregnancy, but not sick. Twins run in my family (my sister was supposed to be a set of twins, and my mother miscarried one). I would love it, but at the same time I don't want this to be any more high risk than it already is.

My issue is that some people are positive about this, some negative. In 7 months I lost my daughter, my maternal grandfather, and three other family members. We did nothing but mourn for over 6 months, so I am ready for happiness. While people don't have the guts to say anything to me, they respond to my husband, "wow, really, that's so soon." My therapist agreed with us when we decided to try again because I have bad endometrious. So bad that before I knew I was pregnant with my daughter the doctors told me to get pregnant or have a hysterectomy. WE are ready and I don't care what everyone else thinks, but I want my hubby to be able to have the support he needs too. His Dad has been great. He is worried, but he gave my husband the support he needed.

My husband's mother and my mother are a different story. My mom was always a little dippy but she has gone off the deep end since her dad died. I understand, he was my grandfather and one of the best people I have ever had the privilege of knowing, but he wouldn't want this. She has been clingy to my sister and I and has been so negative about everything lately. She had shoulder surgery and she claims she thought she was done with life and would die on the table. She won't get help, sees a therapist only occasionally and refers to my daughter as "her baby." I am not ready to tell her because I don't need the insensitivity. Also, she will want to move in with me, even though I am a married woman who lives a state away. I WILL NOT have this. Plus she will surely ask me if I feel different this time around. I don't want her BS. My hubby and I have a trip to Alaska planned for June (if my doctor okays it). We planned it after we lost our daughter months ago and didn't expect to be pregnant again so soon. We will wait at least until then because she will drive me nuts if I tell her.

My husband's mother is, well, mean. She seems to be the only one to not understand we are busy people. He talked with her during the week, but we don't go over much even though she lives 10 minutes away. She isn't very nice and constantly tries to tell us how to live our lives. A few weeks ago she got into an argument over thank you cards. We thanked everyone in person for the support and contributions to the NICU (we asked for donations instead of flowers). We thanked everyone in person and while I know most people send thank you cards, this was too painful to relive. She said she would do it, we said no. That we thanked people and if they were not happy with us they don't have to support us in the future, that it was too sensitive a topic and that was it. The next day she sends an email to my husband in a cold, professional tone that my husband was obviously too busy for her and that she is done with him. All she wants is updates on what she called "major life events." This happened the day I found out I was pregnant. I am having a hard time taking the high ground because I would love to tell her, "hey, I'm pregnant and guess who is going to be very limited in this?" I wouldn't do that to my husband, but man, I am sick of her bull. She does this manipulative stuff all the time and I am beyond done.

It would be easier just to tell people so we didn't have to hide everything, but I promised to wait until after we get back from our trip. Sorry for the long rant. It's just so hard. I am so excited about this baby. I want this so much and I can't wait until December. I am not ashamed to be pregnant, nor do I care what others think of me. They didn't go through what we did, and they are not us. I just want to be able to be happy out int the open without fear of slipping up and telling everyone.