Hating myself so much right now.

[Pearls18]

It's been a few months since we found out we are having our second boy (and most likely our last child) I have been plodding on fine, pregnancy has been very straight forward *touch wood* and I've been relatively excited (although being pretty busy it hasn't been the fore front of my mind but that's just the fact it's our second I think, nothing else) I am now on maternity leave though and have too much time to think. The fact I'm not having a daughter is obsessing nearly every thought, I'm Christmas shopping for DS and I keep seeing all the girl things il never get to buy, I was at a wedding watching the mother of a bride and realised that would never be me, I'm resenting anyone I know with a daughter. Worst of all, I'm feeling punished, punished?! I have a gorgeous boy and I am blessed with a so far healthy pregnancy and should be praying for the safe arrival of our second child, not feeling like I am some how being punished. I am absolutely hating myself right now, I have no one to talk to about it, DH just doesn't understand, I know my mum understands too well she has pretty much said she'd feel the same so that is not really a help. I'm so scared to have a new born again, but I'm scared I'm going to resent him, I just keep thinking if it was a girl everything would be perfect, I could manage anything. I know this isn't true, but it doesn't stop me thinking it. I always managed my gender disappointment because as much as I wanted a girl it was never a case of not wanting another boy, but I'm obsessing more and more about having a girl I think I am forgetting this

 

[MonyMony]

Go easy on yourself. It's hard to let go of dreams. It may be you'll just have to wait until you have your baby in your arms to be done with mourning what you thought you'd have. I have a good friend who was one of four girls and she always assumed she'd have daughters herself. But she had two boys and by the time I knew her, she absolutely couldn't imagine her life turning out any other way.

It's also possible that a little girl will come into your life unexpectedly in the future. I have big age gaps between my kids and after each, I swore I was done and I'd never have any more. I couldn't have been more positive (or militant about it) since the reasons, financial and practical, seemed immutable at the time. But surprises happen, or we change our minds, especially over years. Or, a good friend or family member will have a little girl that will become like your adopted daughter. Or you actually might adopt a daughter!

So I guess all I'm saying is that however badly you feel now, it certainly won't last forever, and you could feel very differently a month from now, a year from now, five years from now.

One little tip: anytime I felt the need to buy cute baby girl things, I did. And then I would save them to give to friends for their showers, or I would donate them to various children's charities.

 

[Misscalais]

How long till bubby is due? I'm sure you won't resent him after all who could ever resent a cute squishy newborn that you created inside their body? that's the way you need to think of it we've just started to do some chrissy shopping too and because my boys are only 14 mths apart and they like almost the exact same things I have to double up on most gifts. So I understand how you feel with that, I have a niece and a god daughter though so I still get to experience buying girly things. I'm 10 weeks with our third bub and holding onto the hope that this will be our girl. I'd love to give my niece a girl friend to play with she has one brother and her only cousins ATM are my two boys.
Don't be too hard on yourself GD can be so hard to cope with.
I know for me once my DS2 was placed in my arms it was instant love and all I wanted to do want cuddle and protect him, DS1 has a bestie for life and I'm just hoping I get really good daughter in laws
I don't know how ill react yet if I get told told boy again. Ill love baby regardless but I've got my heart set on a girl so bad.

 

[lau86]

I still struggle a bit too from time to time. I expected that at some point I would have a daughter, now It may not happen. It's a big thing and takes some adjusting. I think I torture myself with ideas of being mother of the bride, taking a little girl to ballet lessons, shopping for girly clothes etc. I don't know why I do it, it doesn't help.
I've found the tactic is to just IGNORE- walk straight past the baby girl clothes etc. my hormones can't handle it right now. When this baby is here he will be adored, that's what I'm trying to focus on.
There are loads of positives- I know quite a few boys who get on much better with their mums, in reality being mother of the bride or groom is one day etc. I think I just need to take one day at a time and be more rational about it.

 

[Pearls18]

Thank you for your replies, I've only just had the courage to come back to this thread because I feel so guilty for "vocalising" my thoughts, I was having a bad day, it's been a long couple weeks with hubby away with work and me not working ATM I'm not used to this much time for thinking! I really appreciate your empathy and for not judging me, need to give myself a slap and remember why we had a baby which was nothing to do with gender but wanting to complete our family, which this little boy will (but also remember we are 26 so never say never) xx

 

[Rhi_Rhi1]

I have been plodding along, trying not to "think" about it. I have found it easier atm to not do the bulk of my baby shopping in stores, as I found it is still really upsetting me if I have to walk past the pink stuff, Just last week in tesco I was making my nose dive for the boy section and had to pass a heavily pregnant woman in the pink section, arms full of tiny dresses and tights etc, with a wee boy in tow! As horrible as it is, in that moment I hated her :/ and I had to abandon my clothes browsing and go back to food shopping, because I was just so upset

My closest two friends with children BOTH have a set of identical girls, and I'm finding myself so bitter atm I am avoiding them One of them made a comment the other week whilst we were shopping "ohh I bet you would just love to be over in the pink section buying the dresses" She has no idea how I am feeling but at the same time I still think it was a bit insensitive


Sorry I know that wasn't full of any helpful advice haha, hopefully it's nice just knowing you're not the only one x

 

[Pearls18]

I have been plodding along, trying not to "think" about it. I have found it easier atm to not do the bulk of my baby shopping in stores, as I found it is still really upsetting me if I have to walk past the pink stuff, Just last week in tesco I was making my nose dive for the boy section and had to pass a heavily pregnant woman in the pink section, arms full of tiny dresses and tights etc, with a wee boy in tow! As horrible as it is, in that moment I hated her :/ and I had to abandon my clothes browsing and go back to food shopping, because I was just so upset

My closest two friends with children BOTH have a set of identical girls, and I'm finding myself so bitter atm I am avoiding them One of them made a comment the other week whilst we were shopping "ohh I bet you would just love to be over in the pink section buying the dresses" She has no idea how I am feeling but at the same time I still think it was a bit insensitive


Sorry I know that wasn't full of any helpful advice haha, hopefully it's nice just knowing you're not the only one x

Thank you it does help that I know I'm not alone (not that I want others to feel sad!) it just feels like everyone I know has one of each, they take it for granted and to me it is the biggest blessing in the world. My biggest fear is that at the moment we are the only ones in our family and friends group with children, I am dreading how bitter I am going to be if close friends have girls, and my biggest fear is my brother is getting married next year and they will have a baby soon after, I just can't imagine how I'm going to feel if they give my mum her only granddaughter I know my mum won't treat them any differently but I just know jealousy is going to overcome me. Argh I am hoping once he is here I will gain perspective but I'm worried to put too much pressure on myself for when he's here in fear of PPD.x