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[Teilana]

Hey all,

So I am having a tough time deciding if we should tell my BIL & SIL that we will be starting TTC next month. They have one awesome little guy already and due to some issues that popped up during his time in the womb, SIL had to have one of her ovaries removed. They have been TTC#2 for the last year and they have a couple more months before they get to see a specialist and I only found this out last week.

My question is should we tell them since they have been having issues? We haven't told anyone else when we are planning to start. I feel that we should, not sure DH's opinion yet. Will talk to him tomorrow about it.

Thanks!

 

[Mrs.Gj]

This is a really tough call and totally what you and DH think is best. I have a couple of questions for you and then I can also give you my opinion on what DH and I are doing.

So my couple of questions for you are: How close to your BIL and SIL are you? And is there a particular reason you feel you should let everyone know you are ttc?

For DH and I, we are not telling anyone we are ttc except for 2 people. Mostly because we want the surprise telling parents they will be grandparents. And 2nd because we don't want everyone's opinions on what they think for this or that or the questions if things don't go our way. Anyways there is a whole thread about "Who are you telling" so I will leave that be.

The 2 people who DO know are my sis and BIL. My sister has had quite a few issues with TTC. She was on Clomid and was able to have 1 son and is just starting fertility treatments to try again after again not being able to conceive on her own. Her and I have been talking about us WTT for quite some time so when I wanted to surprise DH that I was ready, she is who I went to for ideas to surprise him with. I absolutely love that I have someone that I am close with to share the journey with (even though she is 1 DS and will probably conceive #2 before we are ready to TTC ahead of me) With that being said though there are a couple things.

- If we were not close and with us not telling anyone else, I wouldn't have told her.
- If we had told everyone we were TTC regardless of how close we are I would have told her.
- And regardless of how close we are, by telling her I think it is incredibly important to acknowledge the struggle she has gone through. And offer my support for her and best wishes. I also apologized to my sister when I thought we were going to TTC a few months earlier than what we decided on just in case I was really lucky and got a BFP before she did even though she started trying first.

Essentially if you do tell them, you obviously have put thought into how they are going to feel. Let them know that you are sensitive to what they are going through. And if you are close to them, maybe you can even buddy up. Be there to listen to the ups and downs on each others journeys.

I am so sorry for the novel I unintentionally just wrote, but I hope I helped a bit.

 

[Teilana]

We aren't telling anyone when we are starting. All anyone gets now is soon when they ask.

The only reason I was thinking of telling SIL is because they have been having trouble.

 

[Teilana]

So DH and I talked. We are going to tell them if they ask, otherwise leave it be. We are fairly sure they know we will be starting soon anyways.

 

[Mrs.Gj]

Thanks for the update! I wish you the best of luck next month. And I'm sure when the time comes to either admit you are TTC or KU, the right words will come.

 

[Come_Bebe]

It would be a punch in the face to tell her. She is probably having a very hard time with it and it could really upset her.

 

[KalonKiki]

Honestly, I wouldn't tell anyone that you're TTC, even after you start. You never know how long it could take you and everyone will have that expectation of you, not to mention that it might be insensitive to your SIL and BIL since they're having such a hard time of it. Also, either of you may change your mind about when to start TTC and it's incredibly awkward to tell everyone that you told "Hey, sorry, I know that we told you that we were going to start TTC this month, but we changed our minds". Obviously once you fall pregnant you should tell everyone when you feel it is an appropriate gestation to start announcing, but it's generally never a good idea to announce TTC.