Have I done the right thing?

[imaginary8x]

On Tuesday I got a message on facebook from the father of my baby, telling me we need to talk, we talked and it was about how he wants rights and would like to be a father now.

So today I let him meet his 5 month old daughter and well when he was holding her and giving her kisses, I felt really jealous. :s is that normal? After he did it I said she is my baby to him. :s

He also has this new gf and wants her to meet Amy but tbh I think it is to soon for that, as I said to him I don't know the girl so no, she can't meet Amy.
was I right to say that? :s

 

[billy2mm]

yes you were right. he needs to get to know his daughter alone and she needs to get to know him. you cannot confuse a baby like that with introducing her to what is effectively a stranger who introduces her to another stranger and imo it needs to be a very serious relationship for you to even consider letting lo and the gf meet and you should meet her on your own first and be happy that she is the kind of person you are happy to have around your daughter.

 

[gemabee]

personally my fob has a new girlfriend... if he wants her to meet baby then thats actually fine with me. obv i will want to meet her to make sure i can trust her with my child... but if they are goin to be together nd ur ex wants a relationship with his child then ur lo is goin to have a relationship with his girlfriend as well.
it doesn't bother me because my lo will always know that i am his mum... nd that i am his main family unit. baby's fob nd girlfriend are just extra people that get to love nd dote on lo... which can only be a good thing!!
i completely understand how u feel tho... for 5 months u have been the only caregiver... havin to allow someone else to parent ur child must be torturous... but i'd start off smaller... supervised visits - jus fob nd u for atleast a month / maybe 2... then a couple of hours of his by himself (with his gf if he wishes)... nd after they've built up a relationship let him have lo overnight.
at the end of the day we have to do what is best for our lo's... not ourselves... no matter how much it hurts xx

 

[Sandie_Cali]

My question is why the sudden interest now with you little girl? How long has it been since you had contact?? Why now??

I would not allow his girlfriend around my child, especially since she might be in and out of your daughters life, your responsibility is with the father not his girlfriend.

I wonder if he is trying to impress the girlfriend in someway.

 

[TattiesMum]

My question is why the sudden interest now with you little girl? How long has it been since you had contact?? Why now??

I would not allow his girlfriend around my child, especially since she might be in and out of your daughters life, your responsibility is with the father not his girlfriend.

I wonder if he is trying to impress the girlfriend in someway.

I wondered that as well .... I also find it really pis*es me off when an absent FOB re-appears and, rather than saying that they would like to get to know their child and become part of their lives, they immediately start talking about their 'rights'

It's your child's right to be surrounded by people who are going to be consistent and a regular feature .... so I would say that, until he has proved that he is serious and that he is going to play a regular role in LO's life then the gf should stay in the background No-one needs a father who is going to appear and disappear like the Cheshire Cat depending on the whims of the gf of the moment.

 

[Kacie]

My question is why the sudden interest now with you little girl? How long has it been since you had contact?? Why now??

I would not allow his girlfriend around my child, especially since she might be in and out of your daughters life, your responsibility is with the father not his girlfriend.

I wonder if he is trying to impress the girlfriend in someway.

I wondered that as well .... I also find it really pis*es me off when an absent FOB re-appears and, rather than saying that they would like to get to know their child and become part of their lives, they immediately start talking about their 'rights'

It's your child's right to be surrounded by people who are going to be consistent and a regular feature .... so I would say that, until he has proved that he is serious and that he is going to play a regular role in LO's life then the gf should stay in the background No-one needs a father who is going to appear and disappear like the Cheshire Cat depending on the whims of the gf of the moment.

WSS^^^

He's obviously been unreliable until now so he now needs to prove himself to be reliable again before the gf becomes involved. xx

 

[Cheryl xx]

I think you were right to tell him that yes. He needs time to form a relationship with his daughter. It's also important for your daughter to bond with her father and i think they need it to just be the two of them for this to happen xx

 

[AppleBlossom]

I think you were right to let him meet her (even though it was because he 'wanted to be a father now' ) However I wouldn't let his new gf should meet her for a long while yet

 

[imaginary8x]

I've told him he has no rights to Amy as he isn't on the bc, but he seems to think paying for her makes him have rights. :s

The new gf he has only started going out with... so to even think about that, god knows what he is thinking... -.- when he met his daughter for the first time, he went on msn to talk to his new gf about how it was going... I felt like breaking the laptop.

 

[billy2mm]

I've told him he has no rights to Amy as he isn't on the bc, but he seems to think paying for her makes him have rights. :s

The new gf he has only started going out with... so to even think about that, god knows what he is thinking... -.- when he met his daughter for the first time, he went on msn to talk to his new gf about how it was going... I felt like breaking the laptop.

in my current favorite word tell him to do one!

 

[Sandie_Cali]

I've told him he has no rights to Amy as he isn't on the bc, but he seems to think paying for her makes him have rights. :s

The new gf he has only started going out with... so to even think about that, god knows what he is thinking... -.- when he met his daughter for the first time, he went on msn to talk to his new gf about how it was going... I felt like breaking the laptop.

He was on his fricken laptop when he was supposed to be spending time with his daughter he just met????!!! OMG it gets worse!!! I wouldve told him to leave, and if he wanted to see her again to focus on your daughter not his cell, laptop, gf, set your boundaries, no phones, no cell, no computer, no laptop, no gf (she can wait to talk with him when he is done visiting his daughter, if she doesnt like it too bad, he has a choice of seeing the child or not)... Set his fricken priorities straight.

What he did shows that he is no intersted in his daughter, but his relationship with his gf is more important.

If you let him see her again, set your boundaries and DO NOT LET HIM CROSS THEM or he will take you for a fool and ride.

 

[imaginary8x]

I've told him he has no rights to Amy as he isn't on the bc, but he seems to think paying for her makes him have rights. :s

The new gf he has only started going out with... so to even think about that, god knows what he is thinking... -.- when he met his daughter for the first time, he went on msn to talk to his new gf about how it was going... I felt like breaking the laptop.

He was on his fricken laptop when he was supposed to be spending time with his daughter he just met????!!! OMG it gets worse!!! I wouldve told him to leave, and if he wanted to see her again to focus on your daughter not his cell, laptop, gf, set your boundaries, no phones, no cell, no computer, no laptop, no gf (she can wait to talk with him when he is done visiting his daughter, if she doesnt like it too bad, he has a choice of seeing the child or not)... Set his fricken priorities straight.

What he did shows that he is no intersted in his daughter, but his relationship with his gf is more important.

If you let him see her again, set your boundaries and DO NOT LET HIM CROSS THEM or he will take you for a fool and ride.

Well, I had to go to his, as he has no money right now. -.- so he left me with his family, while he went on the laptop and tbh I was only going out with him for 4 months so I didn't know what to say. :s I felt like I was on the spot. :s

I sort of feel bad as his friend got to meet his daughter before him. :/ as me and him met up for a day and we haven't told him as it won't go down well. -.- I let his friend do more with Amy then him as well. I don't know if I should feel bad. :s

Next time we will have rules.

 

[amygwen]

I love your daughters name, btw! Best name ever

But no you're definitely not in the wrong for not wanting Amy to be around your FOB's girlfriend.. if you don't know her how could you ever feel comfortable her being around Amy? Also, it's not wrong you felt jealous.. my FOB has been around since day one but when he gets Kenny to smile and stuff I get super jealous! I would've been just as jealous had I been in your situation! I'm sure it was difficult!

 

[CLH_X3]

I defo don't think you should have to meet his gf before letting her c your lo ... I think that should be a judgement call by your ex, if he feels comfortable having her around and doesn't think the lo will be in danger then you should at least take his word for it .. Because I'm sure as much he's only just getting to know his daughter he still would not want her to come to any harm...

I didn't meet my oh ex when they split up and I never plan to ... My oh trusts me and while his lo is in his care it's his choice who looks after and sees his lo ...

And I don't agree with no phone no nothing ... I agree the lap top was maybe going a bit to far kn his case but I don't think he should go without his phone, sounds like your trying to control him way to much by saying that .. As long as he's not on it the whole time I can't see the problem ...

 

[lal]

If he moved on so quickly (the baby is only 5 months old...), who's to say this girlfriend will be around next week? I'd establish time qualifications for meeting girlfriends/boyfriends, on both sides. You don't want significant others in and out of your baby's life. I plan on asking and agreeing to a 6-month rule, that either of us has to be seriously dating someone for 6 months before they can meet the baby, and the first time they do, I want to be there. There are some crazy people out there, and when your ex is sleeping with one he's unlikely to notice it.

In the meantime, I don't think you can impose rules about phones/computers/etc. without seeming like a control-freak, even though he is totally in the wrong...is there any way you can leave the room and do laundry/dishes/read, while he is there, so that he has to take care of the baby?

 

[imaginary8x]

The thing is I went to his house, so I couldn't do anything but sit and watch tv. :s
Tbh he left me just before I found out I was pregnant, but he knew about the baby from the day I found out... and well now I'm sort of ignoring him after what happened Friday... Read my other post Men.
He didn't want to know when I was pregnant so why now?!? *sigh*

 

[lal]

who knows what goes through their heads...ugh, men, agreed. I should have read the earlier posts - if you are going to his house because he doesn't have $, he should at least act right. What a loser. To so blatantly talk to the new girl while you are there, I think he's just trying to get a reaction out of you. I would not go to his house anymore, and I'd say if he wants to see the baby he can come to your house alone. Does he really expect you to travel to his house, packing a tiny baby, and sit there while he and his girlfriend play house with her? Makes me angry for you. I cannot wait until we all find nice, wonderful guys that realize our worth and love our children - these a-holes will regret their behavior someday.