have i made a rod for my own back, or are others wrong?

[lucy_x]

Since day one me and baby co slept, we have a great relationship, only now, at nearly 10 weeks.
People are starting to question why she wont be put down ( as in she wont be happy in her swing/pushchair/just sitting by her self) and when she starts crying saying
"its good for her"
"it will tire her out"
"just leave her there" to name but a few, well im sorry but i cant just sit there and let my baby cry, even if that means shes needy!

have i made a rod for my back by keeping her on me all the time (sling/ just on my chest)... and co sleeping?
will she wean herself off me (lol) or will she need to use me for her comfort for ever as others have implied? will she ever go in a pram? or play by herself..
she is still only youg.
a bit of help or advice? or maybe someone with a similar scenario?

 

[Lillylemon]

Hello,

I can't really offer any good advice as my little boy is only 6 weeks old and I'm a first time Mum! He is pretty clingy too - I can't put him down for a sleep if he's really fast asleep, but he has to be really gone. We use a sling around the house and I take it out if we're going somewhere and I need him to sleep - it's my saviour! I think he really loves being close. We too co-sleep quite a lot as I often find it too exhausting having him not sleep enough in the night as he often won't go down, or won't go down for longer than 10mins or so before waking up.

I've heard of plenty of people who have co-slept and then their baby has gone in their own room fine but I can't say whether either of us are asking for trouble. I also think they're so young - at a couple of months or so old they still need the closeness.

I say just use your instinct and do what works for you. My LO has been fussing so much lately that even co-sleeping he's keeping me up making all sorts of noises and not latching properly when he feeds. I'm hoping it's just a growth spurt!

x

 

[lynnikins]

for the first few months a baby cant distinguish the difference between themselves and their mother they see themselves as part of her and vice versa so of course want to be near that familiar smell and warmth all the time its quite normal and they do get to a point where theywant to be independant as they grow and develope and early about the world and things around them and themselves , shes only 2 months old still so young enjoy the cuddles caus atm my 5month old seems to prefer being independant from me except at feed time

 

[T-Bex]

Nope; you've given your baby love and attention, and there is nothing wrong with that. I refute the claim that it's good for them to be put down when they don't want to be; they're not babies for very long, and soon enough, she'll not be after as much attention.

Bethan has co-slept, but is mostly in her own cot now hissy, and I miss the middle of the night baby cuddles, to be honest. If your both happy with the amount of attention, then just roll with it. Bethan just started to need less cuddles (again, ) as she found fun toys, and how to move. Enjoy!

 

[Dragonfly]

well I have a 19 month old thats not clingy and very independent and we co sleep and he wouldnt go to anyone for a good while just wanted me. I went with the flow and he is fine, lots fell out with me and said I would make him this and that but i didnt he is not like children around him that arnt raised the same in a good way to. Sadly he has no playmates as all the kids around just want to snatch stuff off him, be nasty and clingy to their mums. Must ask what they done to make that rod as its not what I done.

 

[Seraphim]

IMO many people say the things you mention to *comfort* themselves while they do things which cause their LOs distress. Believing/hoping it's for LOs own good makes it bearable. They also then need/want everyone else to do the same as them, or it casts doubt on why they found themselves with a distressed baby if they didn't *have* to.

Regardless of that, no I don't think you're making a rod for your own back

Babies look to parents for comfort, they also grow up.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

you will find being out of the "normal" box will make people say stupid things to you. There is nothing wrong with co-sleeping! In fact it makes for a healthier, calmer baby! There are many articles, medically backed up on it. I encourage you to look them up.

We co sleep with our almost 3yr old and she is perfectly fine to do her own thing.

 

[Dragonfly]

We dont need medical science to back us up on co sleeping anyone thats been doing it a while knows the benefits from experience.

 

[littlestar]

This first three months after birth is now becoming known as the forth trimester - nurturing during is period is equally as important as the development in the womb.

Q was the same i barely moved from the couch in our first 3 months, due to him feeding and sleeping constantly. I hadn't discovered slings at that point.

you have to remember your LO is still very young, they rely on you for everything, food, warmth and comfort are all a baby this young really needs and your providing it. I don't see how exposing a baby so young to distress and tears achieves anything.

I had the exact same comments as you and i ignored them, my now 10 month old quiet happily sits and plays with toys with or without me, he's not so dependant on 'just' me iykwim! he's growing into a well balanced little boy!

enjoy this phase whilst it lasts honey, the cuddles and closeness is lovely!

 

[Eala]

We dont need medical science to back us up on co sleeping anyone thats been doing it a while knows the benefits from experience.

However, for someone looking for responses to challenge people who are being rude to her, it's useful to know that research supports her stance

We didn't co-sleep overnight very often, as none of us had a good night's sleep if we did. However, for the first 3 to 4 months, the only place my LO napped was in our arms or laid on our chest. It was actually her who made the transition to wanting to be put down by herself. She stopped sleeping if she was being held, but as soon as you put her down (into her hammock) she would go straight off.

You are the only one who knows what is best for you and for your baby Try and ignore anyone who says otherwise.

 

[Dragonfly]

We dont need medical science to back us up on co sleeping anyone thats been doing it a while knows the benefits from experience.

.

I agree with that yes. But just between us I meant who have co slept. I get asked to why my son isnt in a cot and have to explain the whole co sleeping thing then get told I will never get him out and how bad I am setting myself up for. Same usual answer, even when I do explain scientific I get very quickly dismissed as talking rubbish, same attitude towards breastfeeding from people I know.

 

[Eala]

I have to admit to being slightly confused now, but that's probably because I'm rushing about like a crazy fiend in between reading posts

I don't generally explain myself to people anymore, unless I have the energy to challenge their negative assumptions If I do decide to tell them to sod off, then I find it useful to know that there is research to back up my choices I take the view that if someone is ignorant enough to have a go at me for how I choose to bring up *my* child, then their opinions aren't worth the breath they took to voice them.

 

[Dragonfly]

I have to admit to being slightly confused now, but that's probably because I'm rushing https://s3.bbstatic.com/images/editor/smilie.gifabout like a crazy fiend in between reading posts

I don't generally explain myself to people anymore, unless I have the energy to challenge their negative assumptions If I do decide to tell them to sod off, then I find it useful to know that there is research to back up my choices I take the view that if someone is ignorant enough to have a go at me for how I choose to bring up *my* child, then their opinions aren't worth the breath they took to voice them.

sorry I have a confusing effect on people, I confuse myself a lot to

no one asks me any more as no one comes near me any more in my family, if you dont do it the way they did they see it as an insult to their parenting . weird people. I never ask them on their choices, I dont care enough to.

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

Your doing great Hun. She is still young. She needs her mummies warmth etc
Xx

 

[Cariad_bach]

Since day one me and baby co slept, we have a great relationship, only now, at nearly 10 weeks.
People are starting to question why she wont be put down ( as in she wont be happy in her swing/pushchair/just sitting by her self) and when she starts crying saying
"its good for her"
"it will tire her out"
"just leave her there" to name but a few, well im sorry but i cant just sit there and let my baby cry, even if that means shes needy!

have i made a rod for my back by keeping her on me all the time (sling/ just on my chest)... and co sleeping?
will she wean herself off me (lol) or will she need to use me for her comfort for ever as others have implied? will she ever go in a pram? or play by herself..
she is still only youg.
a bit of help or advice? or maybe someone with a similar scenario?

The way i see it hun babies are born with that 'rod for your own back' already!!

From conception they are never put down or away from you ... their IN you, they never feel anything hard or still or quiet.
Gradually over the month/years they learn to be away from us .. some mums separate them physically whilst they're newborns .. other mums keep them close in till they're older.

Every different way of doing things has positives and negatives depending on the personality of the baby, the mum, the family lifestyle etc etc etc,
Do what make you and your baby happy, listen to well meaning advice .. then ignore it if you don't agree with it or like it

 

[aob1013]

Unfortunately, when you do something out of the 'norm' people will love to make a dig at it. Even my Mum dissaproves of what i do, and it's really hurtful.

I've learn't to say 'it works for me' or 'doing it safely means there are no problems' etc. Think a witty reply hun, or just try to ignore it best you can.

You are doing great xx

 

[Dragonfly]

thing is co sleeping was the norm years ago, weird how its all the other way around now.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

We dont need medical science to back us up on co sleeping anyone thats been doing it a while knows the benefits from experience.

However, for someone looking for responses to challenge people who are being rude to her, it's useful to know that research supports her stance

That was my point for posting that!

 

[lucy_x]

you see the thing is im pretty sure my LO would sleep in her own cot, she goes to bed at 11pm and doesnt get up until 8am (a feed at 5ish), but im the one not ready to give her her independance, the cuddles are just toooo nice! is this normal!!?? lol

 

[Dragonfly]

They gain their independence and its perfectly normal to cuddle your baby, makes them more secure.