have to rant (sorry for neg OH thread)

[steffc]

How can I get my OH to stop being such an ass! I really need some backbone for my sanity and LO's sake.
I know hes 20, but Ive seen teens being more responsible and involved than him
He hasnt bought one thing for this baby , has been to one midwife appointment and he came to the scan I just had that he almost made me late for because he didnt want to get up Then bangs on about how hot the sonographer was He says the thought that 3 people are in the room freak him out and he doesnt wanna feel or see her move. He sits on his ass playing wow (comp game) all day and expects me to be all nice at night when he jumps into bed and has some time with me. He calls me fat all the time, always puts me down and has even joked the kids not his and he barely talks about her and Im around 8 months now I get all sad seeing couples and the guy is rubbing their tummy or being nice. I keep thinking what did I do wrong?
I mean I stuck in at school got my highers went to uni, have lots of friends and was out all the time, was so happy, have a great family and was just unfortunate to fall pregnant and around the time I lost my job
Hes more a recluse who sits and plays comp games, barely goes out, hes miserable about almost everything, left school at 16, doesnt go out that much at all and he doesnt work and has a gf who still does everything he asks no question.
We're still intimate and he is great when he's not playing games or ignoring me for most of a day. If it wasnt for his mum my anxiety and depression would be back something awful. One night not long ago I was awake (not letting on) and he had his hand on LO hiccuping rubbing my stomach and even went down kept his head there for a bit then gave bump a kiss? Mixed signals are his speciality.
He doesnt realize how lucky he has it I'd do anything for him and he doesnt even come to my house I always have to travel on a half hour bus journey to his. Most of you lovely ladies would have left him months ago. I just dont know what i can do or say to make him realize hes slowly losing me....... Any helps appreciated even if something small.

 

[CelticStar]

How about writing him a letter with basically what you've written here? Or show him this thread?

He's going to be a Father very soon and he needs to start acting like one. Although saying that, the bit about him rubbing your bump when he thought you were asleep makes me think that possibly he thinks he's "got" to act all macho and like an ass otherwise he could look "soft"?
I don't know, just a thought. I hope he bucks up his ideas soon though

 

[steffc]

A letter or showing him could be a good way. Yeah that could be it about looking "soft" I mean he never talks about his feelings maybe could say to him if he has any q's or if there is anything he wants to talk to me about regarding the baby? I mean I think he thinks its easy for me because Ive not had a hard pregnancy but it is getting hard to hide the fact Im terrified which is natural

 

[creatingpeace]

What a tough position to be in! SO sorry! But you need to talk to him, be upfront, tell him your expectations. You can ell him maybe that you will not be travelling to his place he can come to yours, you are getting on in your pregnancy! It really isnt necessary simply to suit his reclusive needs. Hopefully he will step up to your expectations. Sorry about your situation!

 

[steffc]

I think I do just need to bite the bullet and be upfront, I know I should be thinking of me I just sometimes wish I wasnt brought up with manners and such a polite personality to let people walk over me

 

[jewelsb]

Sorry to hear about your situation but it sounds to me like he is being very immature about all this and that he needs a wake up call.
I would make it clear to him that he is losing you, that your not going to put up with him treating you poorly or baby.
I wouldnt go see him I would make him come to you. Your getting further along and I know how unsafe riding the bus can be.
I hope he straightens out for you and lo!!!

 

[AnonymousMoi]

Oh WoW - my husband plays that (I play occasionally too... >.<)... he's a huge gamer as well but it's something I've had to learn to accept about him... he's the same way - he dosen't have a lot of friends and would rather stay home (a big recluse) but since I got pregnant he's been very excited about it, and jokes that he's "finally going to have to get off his butt and go to a park and teach him how to play ball" and do fatherly things. He rubs my tummy and talks to baby and does all the heavy lifting so I know not all gamers act like your man.

The way your man is treating you is just wrong. He's putting you down, ignoring the fact that he fathered a child... he's making that special time in your life a hell (is that what you really want? To look back and remember this?) I'd ask yourself "is this someone you really want your child to be around?" And I know it hurts... but my mom left my dad because he was emotionally abusive to her and occasionally physically abusive. You have to look out for youself but now your child as well. Talk to him - but it dosen't seem like something he'll just change over night. I wish the best for you *hugs*