Having a child... OH update pg2

[krys]

Puts so much stress on relationships!! Before Madi was here, all I did was brag about how amazing my fiancé was. Now that shes here, all we do is fight. I think he's lazy. Sure, he goes to work, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have to be a dad when he gets home! I look over at him snoring while I'm walking around with our crying baby and I resent him. If I ask him to take her, he won't. He needs his sleep. Funny, I get tired too. I know he's stressed, but I'm stressing about all the same things, and running on no sleep to make it worse.

It's crazy how much everything changes. I think I called off our engagement tonight. I'd love to marry the person he used to be. Not too sure about who he's become.

I'm so sick of fighting. I just don't have it in me anymore. I never thought we'd end up like this. I want my guy back The guy he was before our daughter was born. I wouldn't take anything back, she means the WORLD to me. I wouldn't change her for a thing, just him.

 

[Cassie_x]

I know the exact feeling…I broke up with the father of my twins a month after they were born because he was cheating on me, but also because he was a complete lazy idiot. You guys are engaged though, and I'm sure you can work through it .

 

[Darlin65]

Sadly that is our job as women. I know we don't always like it but if he is working and you are not then yes he does need his sleep. I know it's not easy and it doesn't seem fair but that's how it is. However, he does need to help with baby and be a good father until it is time for bed though. It gets better. A baby puts a strain on even the best relationships. I saw this happen with my dad and stepmom. I was already grown when my little brother was born. They were the sweetest nicest couple I had ever seen but things went a little crazy until he turned like 2 and things got back on track for them. She was staying home and my dad was working and they had the same fights you are talking about. Once baby starts sleeping through the night it will get better I promise. If you are feeling this way there is nothing wrong with putting off a marriage. You want to start a marriage off on the right foot so you can fully enjoy each other as husband and wife. Take everything with a grain of salt for now. I have learned my lesson with DF. It's better to kill them with kindness, then you can get anything you want hehe

 

[rileybaby]

My OH is the same, he lived with me until Riley was 8weeks old and that was it.. He doesnt help look after him, doesnt help financially bcos he doesnt work.. I WISH he had a job, then i wouldnt resent him so much. Im done with arguing with him about how much i do, and how much he doesnt do.. I spose i love him that much i let it go. Hope things sort out for you though, im sure you can pull through it xx

 

[holly2234]

I know its hard in the early days. Relationships have to change because youre not just a couple anymore. Youre a family. Try to hold things together because it does get better. My DH and I got married when Erin was 4 months old and by then we had settled into life as a family. Now even on the odd occasion we go out alone, all we can do is talk about the baby! Because she is the whole world to both of us.
I hope things get better for you soon

 

[lauram_92]

I'm sure it will get better when she starts sleeping through the night!

 

[rainbows_x]

The early days are so rough, it makes the tiniest problem 100x worse.
Once you get through them it will be so much better, LO will start sleeping through, you and OH will have more time together, trust me hun, you will be alot better xxx

 

[x__amour]

I agree with Laura. It should get loads better when she starts STTN. FX'd that's soon! I know what you mean though.

 

[AirForceWife7]

I'm sorry I wouldn't call off the engagement though .. you guys have been through a lot together & have accomplished so much, would it be worth it to throw all of it away? I'm sure there is some way you guys can talk & work through it Having a baby changes everything, but it does get better once your LO starts Sleeping through the night, as the ladies above me have said. If you're asking him to change, but don't see it happening or him making an effort, then i'd say that is a big problem ... but just try & work through it

 

[amygwen]

Sorry to hear hun. It's true though, having a child really does put a strain on your relationship. Your OH needs to straighten up, he is a dad now, just because he works doesn't mean he shouldn't have anything to do with your LO. It's hard especially when your LO is so young like yours. It's gotten easier (imo) as he's gotten older and more independent. OH and I still fight sometimes about silly things, but we both know our limits and know when the other is really going overboard with the arguing! I'd have a sitdown talk with your OH and let him know you're fed up doing it all on your own and he needs to straighten up. It's one thing being in a relationship but being in a relationship and having a baby is hard.

 

[Tanara]

The first 6 months are the hardest on a relationship. I would give him time to get used to it, yes i know you are and well why shouldn't it be the same? Well its different because you were a mom the moment you found out you had a baby growing inside you, he became a dad the moment she was placed in his arms. Mentally your 9 months ahead of him. IMO.

I'm not saying that gives him the right to slack off just give him some time to grow into his role.

 

[krys]

Thanks everyone!!

We had a long talk and I think he got the point. Our engagement it not off! I put my ring on his nightstand since that night he slept on the couch. We were out and about when we talked and I said I wanted my ring back and he pulled it out of his pocket and put it back on me. Last night I fell asleep even though I had so much to do! My best friend is coming in from Texas and I needed to give Madi a bath, do her laundry, do my laundry, clean! When I woke up this morning all out laundry was done, Madi had been bathed, the house was clean, he even cleaned our ferret cage. BUT TO TOP IT ALL OFF, he stayed up with Madi so I could sleep, he took care of her all night except for when I fed her. I'm not asking for him to do that all the time, but I think he's gonna help out a little more, and I'm sooooo happy for that!

 

[lb]

That's great! He sounds like a sweetheart overall, if he's gonna turn around that fast. lucky girl I have faith that you two will work out and have a great, long relationship. Can I be invited to your 50 year Anniversary?

 

[we can't wait]

I'm so glad that he helped you out some. Have things been going well for the past few days?

 

[AirForceWife7]

So happy everything is working itself out

 

[x__amour]

How are things now?

 

[krys]

Things are great!! He is still helping out so much! He's even been giving me more attention taking me out to breakfast, dinner, for ice cream, etc. It's just stressful having a new baby, but I have to realize that it's stressful for him too. He worries about me, the baby, bills, everything! I just have to worry about her. I'm happy things are good again! They really weren't bad for long... He was out taking me shopping just a couple days before I posted that I overreacted. I'm gonna blame it on lack of sleep and all the pregnancy hormones still left in my body!

 

[cammy]

I know how that is. When we got pregnant OH was over the moon and he was so mature and ready but then half way mark came and he did a complete 180 and started acting like a single, careless teen.
He did come around to some extent but we fight ALL the time it is getting better but bery slowly

 

[bbyno1]

Im sorry i think most of us have been there though, and it is tough :/ It does get easier like others have said. I nearly broke up with my OH last week. I just got frustrated he could stay out that night at his mates house drinking and going out while i was at home. Such a stupid argument really but with so much pressure with everything, it got to me. I decided to take a break and went to stay with my mum for a few days. It has really helped. Since i have been back he has done nothing but lick my bum he says he appriciates it alot more now. Me and Aliyah being around.

Maybe you could try that?Make sure you get some time to yourself too,we all deserve it

 

[bbyno1]

Oh ,just seen your update.
Im glad things are better for you now