having a tough time

[ChangeChoices]

I am WTT and on Micronor, which is a progestin-only pill. I can't take the combined pill because the estrogen causes my blood pressure to rise dangerously. The only problem with this pill is that it is much less effective than the combined pill so there's always a decent chance that I could get pregnant.

My OH is ready to have kids. He makes six figures, has his school loans paid off, his new car is almost paid off, and he is wanting to buy his first home within the year.

Emotionally, I am more than ready to start a family. I want it more than anything. He wants me to be finished with school and to have my career stable before we have kids. I can understand the logic there, but in our situation it doesn't seem to fit. I'm almost done with my undergrad degree. If I continue with my plans of becoming a vet it'll be 8+ years before we could have kids going by his plan. I really don't want to wait that long, I don't even know if I could. I already feel like I'm going to die if I don't get pregnant soon.

He says I should just get my vet tech certification now so I can have a career, but considering I make more now than I would as a vet tech, what's the point? I have a solid job right now that's not going anywhere.

I'm just frustrated!

 

[wtt :)]

He makes six figures? I'd stay home! I guess i would keep the current job if i were you if you make more than you would as a vet tech. If i were in your situation, i'd TTC right now. I know, not much help am i?

 

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He makes six figures? I'd stay home! I guess i would keep the current job if i were you if you make more than you would as a vet tech. If i were in your situation, i'd TTC right now. I know, not much help am i?

The sense of humor helps, lol. I'd rather be able to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation than sit here and be upset about it.

Maybe I'd be less upset if AF would just show up already instead of threatening to be early and then ending up 5 days late and counting. I broke down and tested today, BFN. Figures.

He's worked really hard for what he has and he doesn't really want to be taken advantage of. We have been together for less than a year, so I suppose that's part of it all.

We're moving in together next month. We were going to be getting a 2 bedroom unit but now there aren't any available until November. I figured we'd just get a one bedroom since we didn't really need the extra room anyway, but then he has to go and say, "Well what if we decide we do need it?" I asked him for what, and he just said "nevermind." I mean maybe he was thinking if we had company or if we were to want an extra roommate... but seriously. What's a girl to think? I'd think he was thinking baby. You'd jump to that conclusion too, am I right?

 

[wtt :)]

sorry about the BFN

Yeah, i would assume the same. I would definitely get at least a 2 bedroom apartment or house but most important of all, i think you should just ask him, talk to him about your feelings, wants, needs, desires, future (if that is relevant since you've not been together for that long yet like you said) I guess only you two know if your relationship is stable enough to start a family together.

 

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The last time I tried talking with him about it he got really defensive and didn't want to talk about anything serious because he was tired and didn't feel well because of allergies.

He just quit smoking last month (he once said he'd quit eventually and I asked him what he was waiting for, no pressure, and he said, "well, I'll for sure quit before I have a kid") and he's doing really well with that, he's now smoke-free for ten days, and he's smoked less than a pack since he started to try to quit. He seems really determined. I don't know what drove him to change because I didn't badger him about it at all. He looked at me and asked me if I thought he should quit and I told him he should because I didn't want him to die. So maybe that was it lol.

Anyway because he just quit recently, his stress levels have been much higher than normal, so bringing it up now might be a bad idea.

I'm for sure not pregnant this cycle (kinda a relief because it means I can for sure finish the spring semester of school). I'd be totally fine with getting pregnant any cycle hereafter, though lol. I don't know, maybe I'll ask to sit down and talk with him, so we can make a decision about a one bedroom or two bedroom apartment at least. That is pretty important, you're right.

I guess I'm just afraid of pushing him away. We had a miscarriage back in May very early into our relationship, and it was pretty hard on him so he doesn't like to talk about any of it. Since we haven't been able to talk about it as much because of that huge amount of pain there, I have no idea where he stands. I want to ask him about it, but I don't want to push him, especially since he's more stressed than normal right now.

 

[wtt :)]

First of all, sorry about your MC

Second of all, it was hard on both of you, not just him, and the only way to work through those emotions is to talk openly about it. If it is painful, let it out, cry, moan, scream, laugh, whatever but talk about it. Communication is very important in a working relationship.
Kudos to him for quitting smoking. My DH quit too, more than 3 or 4 years ago now. It's tough but not impossible to resist the urges after quitting (speaking for my husband here cause i never touched a cigarette )

 

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Yeah I quit smoking two years ago, but I'd only been smoking habitually for six months or so and I was only up to 1 pack every two or three days. He's been a 1/2 a pack a day smoker for just under 8 years, so it's a bit tougher on him, for sure!

I don't want to push too much on him at once, so I'll leave "baby" out of the discussion when it comes to apartments unless he brings it up.