Having children at home for homebirth?

[willowblossom]

So I am dead set on homebirth number 2 (3rd baby) after my amazing experience last time. I just wanted to hear stories from ladies who left their older children at home for their homebirth? Last time my son was not quite 2 so my mother in law picked him up in the middle of the night while I laboured. This time If I labour at night again which seems to be the case for me, I would want to leave my kids in bed. My hubby is not keen on the idea encase they wake up. He would rather not have to worry about them. My son will be 5 and a half and my daughter will be very nearly 4. Anybody got any thoughts or advice? Any other stories very welcomed! Thanks ladies!

 

[WackyMumof2]

I wanted a home birth for DS3 but GD stopped that. I won't be allowed that this time either but I also made the call not to have my older children at home if I birthed at home.

Many woman have had babies at home with older children either sleeping right though or being a part of the experience. A close friend of mine had an unassisted home birth but baby was just so damn fast on making his entrance into the world, the midwife missed the whole thing by half an hour! But her older 5 slept though it and had an amazing surprise in the morning as a result.

I guess there are pros and cons on both sides. You and hubby might have to sit down and discuss those among yourselves before you venture into this. Fingers crossed he agrees with you.

 

[MrsButterfly]

I had my second at home a few weeks ago. I had decided that if I laboured at night I'd leave my nearly 5 year old in bed asleep. As it happened my active labour was during school hours so he wasn't here. And with hindsight I'm really pleased. My labour this time was very different to my first. Active labour of just 1hour instead of 9hrs and it was incredibly intense and I was much louder. I think my eldest would have actually been quite scared to have seen me like that, and also knowing he was here would have worried me and potentially inhibited my progress.

Only you know your child best and how they'd cope. But it's hard to predict what your labour will be like to know how they'd react. It was lovely to have my boy come home from school a few hours after baby arrived. All the mess had been cleared away and I was much more comfortable.

 

[MindUtopia]

I think it depends on your children and also what you know you need when you're in labour. I only have one, who will be turning 5 around the time this baby is due. She was born at home and we've always talked about birth. She knows what happens. She's been watching birth videos since she was probably 3 and she is fascinated by them. She's also very quiet and generally listens well, so I know if I need some space, she would happily go do something else and leave me to it. I also personally prefer to be alone and I didn't need much support from my husband at all when I had her, so he'll generally be with her and I'll get on with it by myself and then with the midwives when I need them. For us, that works well because I'm much happier to have her here than somewhere else. The main problem is just what to do if I need to transfer because we don't have anyone close by who could easily take her. Our closest family is 1.5 hours away and our closest friends are probably 30 minutes to an hour away, but they work full-time, so they aren't available just anytime. Mostly, she's with us out of necessity, but also because she wants to be. She's genuinely interested and my husband will be there to support her and make sure I have quiet time when I need it. What we did to prepare her was just read lots of books (Hello Baby is great) and watch birth videos and talk about what would happen. I think her personality suits it as she is genuinely really curious and at the right age. I think it would have been more difficult when she was say, 2, than it is at 4 or 5. Personally, I don't want anyone else there (I had a doula last time and even she was one person too many and I felt annoyed that there were so many people in my house), but would you have someone who would be able to come and help while you were labouring in case you need it?

 

[willowblossom]

Thanks so much ladies for your advice and stories. My mother in law would be on standby she is only 25 minutes away. I'm still undecided. Both if mine have a good understanding of things but I'm not sure how they will react seeing me in pain. I still have plenty if time to explain to them what us going to happen. I think if it were day time I would ask mother in law to have them, just not sure whether to leave them asleep if it's at night. There is a door at the bottom of the stairs so pretty soundproof and I'm not too vocal during labour apart from the very last ouchy bit!! Hmmm still very undecided!!

 

[Erised]

With my 2nd I had a home birth, my oldest was 3 at the time. She stayed home through out my first day of labouring, slept through most of it during the night and when things really picked up in active labour we called MIL to come and take her for a little bit as I needed DH with me. As it stood, they didn't even make it to the end of the street before DD2 was born so they came straight back to come and check baby. She could have stayed really, but never mind.

With DD3 I had both my older girls home (4 and 18 months), they slept through most but unfortunately I ended up having to go to hospital so my oldest woke up. She did so well looking after me, giving me space when needed and handing me drinks etc. She would have been totally fine during it all had I managed to stay at home, and DD2 probably would have slept right through it all.

This time I'll have 3 girls at home, and I plan on keeping them all home with me if I manage a home birth. They're all caring but not easily scared, I've laboured quietly through out 3 labours so far so I'm not too worried about me scaring the living daylight out of them. My MIL lives less than 10 minutes away though, and she'll be on call just in case things don't go well so she can take them.

 

[NDH]

My children were 4 and 2y9m when my son was born (unassisted) at home. We did lots of prep watching birth videos - especially noisy ones, reading books (hello baby and my brother jimmi jazz) and practicing making yelling noises.
my 4 year old was super keen on watching the birth (and "helping push the baby out") and we had decided that if baby was born overnight we would wake her when it was getting close to time because she was just that keen (my sister had a baby a few months prior to me and my eldest was devastated she didn't get to see the baby born lol) My 2 1/2 year old was rather indifferent.

I had a doula whose main job was to be there for the kids (of course for myself too, but we decided that it was more imperitive that someone be there specifically for the kids if needed as I would be fine with just my husband) and outside work hours my parents would have been able to take the kids if they weren't coping well with me being in labour, or if I wasn't handling their presense well.

I kept expecting I would labour overnight when they were asleep though and it wouldn't even be an issue. But in the end I had a fast afternoon labour and my kids were totally fine playing on their own and coming in periodically to check on me, rub my back, feed me frozen grapes. There was one time I needed my doula to take them out of the room as they were wanting to bounce on my birth ball at the same time I needed it... haha but really I was so much in the zone that I really didn't notice their precence otherwise. BUt I LOVE that they are in many of my birth photos. And I love that they were there for getting to meet their brother right away (in the end my eldest didn't want to watch him being born and my other daughter did, and she was so awed by the experience she still talks about it). They feel like they were involved and important and I really feel that had a positive impact on their bonding with him and not having jealousy issues at all really, and it's also instilled a really positive experience about birth on them.

I appreciate that having kids present isn't for everyone but I say go for it - prepare them well and have plans in place for someone to take them out of the house if need be though.

 

[Feronia]

I had my daughter (who was 26 months at the time) at the home birth of my son. She was wonderful! She was there in the tub when he was born, she was the first thing he saw, and she helped cut his cord. She has remembered the experience. Now I'm expecting number 3 both kids will be there. They will be 3 and 5 when this baby is born and I'm starting to prepare them both again.

 

[ttc bubby no2]

I have had 2 home births for my 2nd and 3rd children. The first time me eldest was 3 and he was fine and kept busy with toys and having his nana read to him. For the 2nd stage he got bored and went outside to play while is brother entered the world.

My 2nd home birth was 3 months ago and my boys were 5.5 and 8.5 so much more aware what was happening. To be honest I didn't prep them much, I showed them the photos from the 1st home birth but probably should have showed some videos with noise. I was fairly quiet for me first 2 births but the 3rd was the most intense labour and I vocalised a lot more. Mr 8 thought it was a bit noisey but overall both boys were fine. I had to send them out the room at one point because they were annoying me asking "is bubby here yet?".

Both my home births were in the middle of the day so the kids were just there. A friend who birthed at home around the same time went into labour in the day but it didn't get going until her toddler was in bed and she could relax. Some women need that, for me once labour starts there is no stopping it!