He doesnt get it ....

Discussion in 'Trying To Conceive' started by fizz63, Aug 21, 2009.

  1. fizz63

    fizz63 Well-Known Member

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    My OH doesnt understand the importance of regular :sex: at my fertile time. He seems to just want to leave things to happen "naturally".

    I have explained about my fertile time and that we should try to do it at least every other day but he says he just cant turn "it" on like that.

    I read on here about people doing it every other day etc and it makes me cross coz i just cant get my oh to commit to this. He says he is tired (he is 47 but still), has indigestion etc and we usually only manage once at my fertile time. At this rate its going to take me years to conceive (and i dont have that long left - i am 38)

    i have tried explaining to him about our reduced chances coz of my age and that we must try to do it regularly but he says I make him feel like a machine and he isnt happy at all at having to do it on demand like that. I have tried not telling him about it being my fertile time, but if he isnt in the mood, i end up telling him anyway which he says puts more pressure on and i still dont get my :sex:

    If i said to him that we had to do it every night for about 5 nights, he would have a heart attack and to be honest, i really dont think he would be able to do it physically anyway. We only bd about twice a week normally.

    it gets me down .... does anyone else have this problem. :shrug:
     
  2. Diana_

    Diana_ TTC on Clomid round 4

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    Sorry you're struggling! I also hate that it can't just happen naturally, but my DH at least doesn't mind :blush:.

    I'd definitely recommend a good chat, not during fertile times, but just whenever to explain how much it means to you to have a baby. You can try different things (a bit of :wine: never hurts) or just use intercourse as a final step.

    BTW if DH is having real libido issues, it may signal a male fertility problem. And above 35, 6 months without a :bfp: is enough to get a check up for infertility.

    I hate that so many ladies have to go through this! :hissy:
     
  3. Megg33k

    Megg33k Going with the flow!

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    I didn't want to read and run... but I don't have much advice! My DH is the opposite... he'd be ok with every day, 365 days/year. I'd probably die! LOL

    I know this might sound extreme (especially if you guys prefer it happening naturally), but have you considered IUI? Carefully monitored cycles with pin-pointed O and carefully timed injections of only his best and brightest swimmers may be perfect for you! I don't know if that's financially feasible... I know it isn't particularly cheap... but it's definitely not the most expensive of methods. And, it works well for many people! But, it's not exactly natural... and, if that's what you want, then it's probably not an option for you.

    That's about all I've got! Sorry I can't be more help! Good luck, hun!

    ~*BABY DUST*~
     
  4. Pimms

    Pimms Well-Known Member

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    There have been quite a few women who have got there BFPs when they have only managed to BD once a month, so instead they use OPKs or cbfm to get the timing just right.
     
  5. ineedaseed

    ineedaseed mummy to a gorgeous girl

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    mine is the same as yours, he gets all edgy and nervous when it is my fertile time despite telling me he is keen to have a baby.
    I know how you feel and just cling to the fact that it only takes one spermy!! xxx
     
  6. EternalRose

    EternalRose Well-Known Member

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    Hun, this was what it was like for me. To be quite frank, it got me so frustrated and p***** off at times. So I made sure we just did it on my fertile times, but DONT tell him when your fertile times are as it will make him feel like your just using him. But it will take the pressure off you to keep having sex every day e.t.c Hope this helps, btw I was able to get my BFP in first month by doing that. x
     
  7. BumpyCake

    BumpyCake Preggers with #1

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    Yeah, I'm with you sweetie. My DH probably has the worlds lowest sex drive...if I didn't initiate it, it aint gonna happen. The only thing I would recommend is changing things up a bit.

    The other day, I decided to practice my guitar after years of not playing. He walked in the door and saw me playing and he thought it was so HOT! He said so! I couldn't believe my ears.

    Usually when I'm looking to get some BD, I make a really nice dinner and get a bottle of wine. But, since I want to BD a few times, like you do, I just might have to play a sexy librarian or something.

    That's all I've got...I'd be interested to hear more.
     
  8. rani36

    rani36 Well-Known Member

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    Yes ladies guys are quite thick when it comes to bd on fertile times no matter how much you explain to them.My husband has a normal sex drive but sometimes we dont have sex for 4 days odd and then everyday for 3 days when its no use!!!!!!

    I have explained to him that fertile moments are more important but after a while its back to the same routine and to be honest sometimes i get so fed up and angry with him that forget sex i dont even want to speak to him!!!!!!
     
  9. fizz63

    fizz63 Well-Known Member

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    thanks for all your feedback. its helps alot to know i am not alone in this. It isnt that he has a particularly low sex drive, but i would say our average is twice a week. He has a bad back most of the time as well so unfortunately that kind of puts a dampner on things. I think you are right, best not to tell him about my fertile time and maybe i could make abit more effort in the sexy underwear dept ... lol .. at the times that count that most ....

    i managed to get 2 bd's out of him at my fertile time this month so i am hoping that this will have done the trick. I am due my period tomorrow but am trying not to think about that too much at the moment .... fingers crossed for me ladies !

    baby dust to you all :hugs:
     
  10. mlyn26

    mlyn26 Mummy to Isaac & Jasmine

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    Mine is annoying in the other way. He thinks we must have it EVERYDAY for the whole cycle! I'm getting bored now and my fertile phase hasn't even been yet. ARGHHHHHH
     
  11. ardum

    ardum Well-Known Member

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    I think I am one of the lucky ones. My DH is more than willing to try every night (fertile, ovulating or not). :thumbup:\

    At first I thought, he will be just one of those men who will just go along with the idea of TTC just because we women wants it. But after hearing how he is asking for advices from guys at work who have children, I realized he WANTS this just as much as I do. :winkwink:

    I hope your DH realize that YOU need him to be more cooperative.
     
  12. pinkandfluffy

    pinkandfluffy Pregnant with Number 2!

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    My DH is the one who wants it all day every day (tries to convince me it is my fertile time, like he would know better :rofl:) when I would just keel over if we did it as much as he'd like.

    Would definitely recommend OPKs, and temping if you're not already doing it, so if you can only get it in a couple of times you will at least get it spot on. :thumbup:
     
  13. lvh05

    lvh05 Stick, baby, stick!!

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    Well, if I tell DH I'm O'ing, he's quite good. He'll drop everything and come get me! Of course, I have no idea when I'm O'ing, since I don't chart or do OPKs (I tried OPKs, but they bothered me. I could never hold my pee for 4 hrs in the middle of the day!) So, he wonders how I ovulate like 3 times a month. :blush: We just do it every other day, and a couple times in between. He has never been a sex maniac, either, he just really wants a baby.

    I would just chart or use OPKs. A lot of the women here will probably help you with that if you have any questions!

    Also, when you are Oing, do something to get him turned on. Men are very visual. Do fun things! Lingerie, edible undies, lap dances, dress up in something daring! If you can get his little guy up and moving, he will want to release those :spermy: out! Do whatever turns him on, and work for it.

    When I want to do it, and he's tired, I can be very convincing... :) Just use your womanhood and get to the :sex:!

    Also, I agree about fertility testing. If you're over 35, and he's past his late 30s (and you've been trying 6 mos+) you should be able to get it covered. One thing to note, and I'm not trying to scare you, is that men's fertility decreases after the late 30s. And, if you are around O time, and he hasn't orgasmed in a while, the sperm can be damaged, since they are older than 72 days when they are realeased. So, give him a handjob, or something in between! (TMI? Sorry.)

    Even if he won't do it, it's worth knowing. Also, take prenatals everyday. And make sure it has folic acid!

    :dust: and :sex: hopes coming your way so you can have that baby!
     

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