- Joined
- Aug 26, 2014
- Messages
- 471
- Reaction score
- 44
I know I'm not alone with this feeling, though sometimes it feels like I am.....
What do we do with men who want to wait, for completely practical reasons, while everything inside us is screaming, "What's wrong with you?! Cant you see there will never be a perfect time?!!"
DH is 37 with a good, stable job.
We've been together 3 years.
I'm 31, have always had irregular periods, and now a history that includes chryotherapy to freeze off precancerous cervical cells, and a failed pregnancy 3.5 years ago (in a past relationship).
Since then (2011) I've lost 3 grandparents, my favorite uncle, and a cousin to various illnesses/accidents...and in the middle of all the funerals my mom was diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer.
(Fortunately, mom is now in remission, so excellent news there!!...)
It's been overwhelming to get hit with so much in such a short period of time, and to build a new relationship and get married in the midst of all of it. I've been doing my best to roll with life's punches and look forward to the wonderful things yet to come, but I'm tired of waiting for the one thing I've always wanted. I'm tired of forces outside my control dictating who I get to have in my life...and I have waited long enough to start a family!
I've been brave and optimistic.
I've tried so hard to be strong.
...but I'm running out of patience.
I need to meet my babies, and no other arguement is compelling enough to change that feeling. There also seems to be nothing I can do or say to change his position.
He wants to wait but can't give me any solid timeline for starting our family, just that we need to be more financially secure, etc. Much as I understand his points, I'm more afraid of complications getting pregnant because we waited too long than a little bit of financial struggle in the beginning. I'm great at budgetting anyway...
(...and he could always sell ONE of his motorcycles if we really needed the money.)
This week its begun to tear us apart.
I cry every day though I try not to let him see, because my goal is NOT to guilt him into anything. At the same time, there are moments when I can barely look at him without losing my composure.
It seems this is the final straw for me emotionally, as I can no longer manage to put on a happy face...and a very depressed person (very unlike my usual self) is starting to show through the cracks.
I wanted to be done having kids by 30, but I'll be lucky to get started by 32...and I'm 5'1" with fertility issues and achy joints already...shouldn't I at least get to choose when I put my body through the pregnancy gauntlet?
How do I keep from going crazy?
I dont want to resent him...
What do we do with men who want to wait, for completely practical reasons, while everything inside us is screaming, "What's wrong with you?! Cant you see there will never be a perfect time?!!"
DH is 37 with a good, stable job.
We've been together 3 years.
I'm 31, have always had irregular periods, and now a history that includes chryotherapy to freeze off precancerous cervical cells, and a failed pregnancy 3.5 years ago (in a past relationship).
Since then (2011) I've lost 3 grandparents, my favorite uncle, and a cousin to various illnesses/accidents...and in the middle of all the funerals my mom was diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer.
(Fortunately, mom is now in remission, so excellent news there!!...)
It's been overwhelming to get hit with so much in such a short period of time, and to build a new relationship and get married in the midst of all of it. I've been doing my best to roll with life's punches and look forward to the wonderful things yet to come, but I'm tired of waiting for the one thing I've always wanted. I'm tired of forces outside my control dictating who I get to have in my life...and I have waited long enough to start a family!
I've been brave and optimistic.
I've tried so hard to be strong.
...but I'm running out of patience.
I need to meet my babies, and no other arguement is compelling enough to change that feeling. There also seems to be nothing I can do or say to change his position.
He wants to wait but can't give me any solid timeline for starting our family, just that we need to be more financially secure, etc. Much as I understand his points, I'm more afraid of complications getting pregnant because we waited too long than a little bit of financial struggle in the beginning. I'm great at budgetting anyway...
(...and he could always sell ONE of his motorcycles if we really needed the money.)
This week its begun to tear us apart.
I cry every day though I try not to let him see, because my goal is NOT to guilt him into anything. At the same time, there are moments when I can barely look at him without losing my composure.
It seems this is the final straw for me emotionally, as I can no longer manage to put on a happy face...and a very depressed person (very unlike my usual self) is starting to show through the cracks.
I wanted to be done having kids by 30, but I'll be lucky to get started by 32...and I'm 5'1" with fertility issues and achy joints already...shouldn't I at least get to choose when I put my body through the pregnancy gauntlet?
How do I keep from going crazy?
I dont want to resent him...