Heads a mess!!!

[VickyLou]

Sorry this might be long.

I have just found out I am pregnant with number 2, roughly 5-6 weeks. It wasn't planned and it's such a shock. I had a baby in November last year after trying 8 years to get her. I wanted more time with her on her own before I even thought about another baby. I wanted to watch her grow and develop for a little while, I wanted her to have a birthday and Christmas on her own that she understood. Plus I don't think I am ready to be a mother of 2 under 2 year olds. I wasn't 100% if I wanted anymore or not myself. I feel so guilty. Plus my other half was adamant he didn't want anymore kids, he was happy with our little girl. She had such a shitty start in life too, months of pain because doctors wouldn't listen to me when I told them she was suffering with severe acid reflux and a milk allergy.
I saw my GP on Monday who has sent me for bloods on Tuesday and again tomorrow to check my HCG levels. She thinks it could be a possible ectopic as I've been having sharp stabbing pains in my right side since before I did the test. I have to wait till next Thursday to get the results and then she will call the hospital to get me in for an early scan! I hate all this waiting.
I've ended up telling a few family members cause I just needed to talk to someone about it that isn't my other half. The more I talk about it the more I'm getting used to the idea but I don't think my other half is. He's gutted, devastated in fact. He really didn't want anymore.

I just need to hear from people that have been in this situation. Like I say I'm really I. Shock right now, I never thought in a million years I would get pregnant again straight away after trying so hard to get my first.
Please any advise, I would greatly appreciate it.

 

[VickyLou]

Oh and I gained so much weight with my first baby that I have t managed to lose an single oz of yet as she's been very hands on since day one with a lot of issues. So now I'm an over weight whale that's about to get bigger. I was on the larger size before getting pregnant with my first and had so many rude comments from doctors, nurses and midwifes I dread to think how they will this time round now I feel twice the size as I was before.

Also I had to have an emergency c-section with my little lady cause she got stuck after being induced on the drip. Does it mean I won't be able to do natural this time round?

Sorry I know I'm jumping a head of myself (especially as anything could go wrong in the next few weeks) but my heads running away with me and it terrifies me the thought of having section. I'm only just getting over the last one, mentally and physically. Xx

 

[Amygdala]

First off: congratulations!
I can imagine that you're in shock right now. But things will turn out just fine, trust me. Every second time mum I've spoken to has had the same worries you have regarding "taking time away" from their firstborn. It's normal. But consider this: second and subsequent children never get any time "alone" and they still turn out fine. Plus your little one may be losing out on some one-on-one time but she's getting a sibling, someone to be by her her side the rest of her life! One day, when you get old and may need looking after yourself, you daughter will have someone to support her and be there for her through any hard times, not to mention helping her celebrate all the good times in life! My two have a similar age gap as yours will and already, they're such good friends. And yes, there were tough times when LO2 came along but I honestly don't think it would have been much easier with just one. My best friend has an only child the same age as my oldest and I honestly don't think her life is any easier than mine.
Your husband not being on board must be a big worry for you but hopefully he'll come around soon. My dad was a "surprise" baby and my grandad was dead set against another baby, even asked my granny to terminate the pregnancy. But she refused and when my dad was born, he was so loved by both of them. Definitely was the one who got spoiled most out of his siblings. I guess what I'm saying is that the initial reaction to the idea of another baby and the feelings for a baby once they're here are two completely different things. I'm pregnant with my third, who was very much wanted and planned, and even I've had doubts since finding out. But I know for certain that once baby is here, they will just find their place in the family and be loved unconditionally. It can just sometimes be hard to adjust your mental picture of your family, especially before baby can even be seen or felt.
You'll be fine.

 

[Mrsmac02]

Not sure if congratulations is how you're feeling right now but I'll say congratulations anyway!

Firstly I should say I'm on the opposite side of the fence - I'm desperate for this baby to add to our family - BUT, I completely and wholeheartedly get what you're feeling right now.

Your daughter is absolutely everything to you (as my son is) and you feel guilty about how she might react and whether you will have enough love/attention to go around (the same thoughts I have, even though this baby was very very planned!).

All I can say is, we women are far more resilient than we give ourselves credit for. We are master multitaskers.

And as for your daughter - she might not understand or appreciate a new sibling at first, but she'll soon get used to it. Think differently about her Christmases and birthdays - imagine how amazing it will be for her and her little brother or sister to excited open their presents together on Christmas morning in years to come! Imagine them playing together, growing up together, sharing stories, experiences, fun times together (OK so I'm sure it's not all a bed of roses - there will no doubt be fighting and bickering over toys too - but still...!)

Your love and affection isn't limited to one child, you have enough to go around and the beauty of siblings is that they bring love too so your daughter gets even more!

Sorry, that's all massively gushy but I am hoping you can see the positives. As for your partner, he'll come round xx

 

[VickyLou]

Thank you ladies. Much appreciated.

Don't get me wrong I know there are a lot of positive to this situation. The biggest one is my daughter will have a sibling, I really never wanted her to be an only one. My partner is an only one and I think once his mum has passed there will be know one left for him apart from our children. I would hate that for our child.my daughter also loves being around other children, I'm constantly saying I need to get her into some sort of group with other toddlers cause she does she love them, such a social little lady so having another little one would be great her for.
It just really difficult to get my head around right and I'm trying not to think about it. If I think about it to much I'll get used to the idea and be happy but I keep thinking what if next week I find out its ectopic, I'd be devastated.
I do know though for all my stress and worry at the moment seeing on a scan (which will hopefully be next week) my heart will melt and I will fall in love.

Thanks you again. Sorry if my rants haven't made much sense. Xx

 

[Mrsmac02]

No need to be sorry, we all need to et things off our chest and that's what the forums are for!

Hope your scan goes well! X

 

[Amygdala]

You know, provided you take your folic acid and avoid the usual pregnancy no-nos, I don't think there's anything wrong with not connecting with this pregnancy yet. I had a mmc before my two kids and I won't trust this pregnancy until I see that everything is ok at 12 weeks. Plenty of time to bond and get used to the idea afterwards.

 

[VickyLou]

Nervous with a lot of mixed emotions right now. Feel like I can't actually let myself believe I'm pregnant again. Infact I dont want to believe it. I've never been more terrified about anything in my life.
I had really sharp pains that other night that took my breathe away so my other half rang early pregnancy. Weird cause they said they didn't want to see me but have booked me for a scan tomorrow morning to see where the baby is. I really don't know what to think or feel right now.

 

[MollyMalone]

I can relate yo how you are feeling. I also suffer from PCOS and although it didn't take us 8 years to conceive, it was an upsetting road as we didn't know if we would one day get there. I found out at the beginning of the month that I was pregnant and spent a couple of days crying.

I cried because I wasn't ready for this, I had a plan about what was supposed to happen in my life and when, and a baby wasn't on the cards yet. I also cried because I felt guilty to be feeling like this after suffering from infertility, and I cried because I felt it was unfair on the baby...his brother was welcomed with nothing but happiness. I don't think everyone can understand those conflicting feelings.

DH was over the moon however, and so was my mom, so they helped me get my head around it. I'm happy now, but sometimes I still get the feeling of dread. To be honest I felt very stupid but what's done is done and I believe (deep down) that things happen for a reason.

 

[VickyLou]

I can relate yo how you are feeling. I also suffer from PCOS and although it didn't take us 8 years to conceive, it was an upsetting road as we didn't know if we would one day get there. I found out at the beginning of the month that I was pregnant and spent a couple of days crying.

I cried because I wasn't ready for this, I had a plan about what was supposed to happen in my life and when, and a baby wasn't on the cards yet. I also cried because I felt guilty to be feeling like this after suffering from infertility, and I cried because I felt it was unfair on the baby...his brother was welcomed with nothing but happiness. I don't think everyone can understand those conflicting feelings.

DH was over the moon however, and so was my mom, so they helped me get my head around it. I'm happy now, but sometimes I still get the feeling of dread. To be honest I felt very stupid but what's done is done and I believe (deep down) that things happen for a reason.

I'm glad someone understands what I am feeling. I am like you I truly believe everything happens for a reason to. Xxx

 

[minties]

It took me 8 years to get my first also, and falling pregnant with Sophie without even trying was a complete shock! I think my son was 14-15 months, he still seemed so little and I could never ever imagine him not being my little baby any more. I felt a lot of guilt, found it hard to enjoy my second pregnancy etc. He was also born by emergency c-section.

Looking back now, all these years later, I don't even know why I felt like that. He never acted out when she was born, he was young enough (23 months) that he just took it in his stride. I don't think he missed out on time with me, or felt upset or sad at any point. It just became the new normal. And now...well he and Sophie are best friends, share a room, and there is NO WAY I could picture Thomas without Sophie. He would be hounding me ALL DAY for entertainment and would be so bored (it's summer school holidays here).

What he has gained from having a sibling outweighs anything he may have lost by a million to one. There is nothing I don't like about having 2 kids.

But I now worry that the new baby will be too young to be friends with the older two, and that we won't have enough money to keep our first two happy, so I think it's normal to fret. I also don't really feel connected to this pregnancy and had zero emotions at my dating scan. I look forward to the baby arriving and feel happy about imagining cuddling him/her, but it's changing our lives so much that it's hard not to stress about it all.