Hi, I changed my username as I think my old one was a bit revealing in case anyone is reading that knows me. I don't know where to begin...but I guess the only way to say it is my husband is leaving me. 32 weeks pregnant and DS is 3.5yrs. I have never felt so depressed, alone, confused and hurt in my whole life Since I have been pregnant I knew that we were having some problems...I thought it was my morning sickness which was making things hard as he had to pick up alot of the work at home with DS as I was unable to do much those early weeks. But he just became more and more distant - and so unaffectionate towards me. I questioned him lots of times and more often than not it caused more arguments. I had a gut feeling he had someone else but again when I questioned him he got so angry at me for even suggesting it. He became so protective over his phone, never letting it out of his sight and putting passwords on his chat apps etc. Looking back I guess I did know but was afraid to make it 'real' i suppose. About 8 weeks ago he was in the shower and I looked at his phone. I know its wrong and I have never been that type of girlfriend/wife but I needed to know. I found messages from her and him. Talking about fantasizing about dating her and finding it so hard being in the same city as her (she lives abroad but was in Sydney that week). I confronted him and of course was livid. He begged, pleaded and I guess I didnt want to throw away 11yrs of my life and 1 yr of marriage so I gave him another chance. We did counselling a few times and I thought we were doing well. It was so hard for me to forgive but he swore it was only flirty texts and a bit of a crush. He broke off all contact and gave me access to his phone/emails etc. Which I hated checking but the trust was gone. She works for the same company but in another city. I caught him lying again 4 weeks later when I found out that she was coming to Sydney and they were having a work weekend away. I asked was she going and he said no. But I knew she was. Blatently lying to me! I nearly ended it again...but again I gave him another shot. He swore he would never lie again and that there was no contact with her anymore. He also agreed not to go on the weekend away with her, all be it he was not happy about that A couple of times the past few weeks I again felt like something was not right. I just knew.... and on Friday night he came home drunk and passed out. Me (being so pregnant was typically unable to sleep!!) lying there and his phone buzzed multiple times. And it was her....and he had called her twice before he came home. I also found messages where he tells her he loves her I confronted him (again) and he tried to lie but in the end it all came out. He said he doesnt 'think' he loves her, but he has feelings still. He couldnt stay away from her. He swears it has never been physical but they have 'nearly' kissed. I think its worse that he told her he loved her and has spent the past 8 months essentially having a girlfriend. Yesterday he told me that she is not the issue. That he has not been happy with me for a long time and doesnt know if he wants to be married to me anymore. So instead of me being hurt and angry and deciding whether to take him back...it has flipped and now I am in limbo waiting to see if he wants to stay and choose me I dont understand how he could marry me and try for a baby for 9 months (we had a miscarriage before I got pregnant too) yet maintain he was miserable. I feel like my whole marriage has been invalidated. I guess looking back I can see we became more distant from each other - raising a kid with no help and being pregnant is stressful. But I did not know how bad he thought it was. He says its not a choice between me or her...but it is. He told her he couldnt talk to her while he tries to sort it all out and she said that he could contact her when he makes up his mind. So it is a choice. And I know I am going to lose. He has started counselling to try sort his head out. He is living with us still (on the couch). He says he still loves me but is not in love with me. I dont think any words have ever cut so deep before. He is trying to help out with our son and stuff to take care of me because he has treated me so sh*t. But its all guilt I think, I have a feeling that if I wasnt pregnant he would be gone I cant eat or sleep. I am dying inside and I dont know what to do. I have had 2 eggs and a glass of wine today I know its not good for the baby but I cant help it - I am sick to my stomach. Does anyone have any advice please??? Do I let him continue to live with us, and try to just accept that he has to sort out his head and make a decision? Do I let him ease his guilt by helping us out. Or do I kick him out and do it alone - I have no family in the country so I will be on my own. The idea of having a baby, dealing with a newborn and a toddler by myself is so overwhelming. I'm so scared If I kick him out am I pushing him away forever...and making him choose her? God I have so many questions that my head hurts. Sorry again that this is the biggest essay ever but I am trying to make sense of it all in my head. If no one replies its fine, I guess I just needed to get it all out!