Heartbroken

[R&G2007]

I am so heartbroken I cannot begin to explain.

Last night for some reason, when I got home from work, I used one of my clearblue ovulation sticks and to my shock and excitement I got a smiley face, three years I have waited for one, due to having PCOS and weight issues. It was a complete shock as I am on day 27 of a 31/32 day cycle.

I was so excited I was like a kid at Christmas and when I showed hubby his response was "we better go down stairs and talk about it" being crushed wasn't the word for it So down stairs we went and spoke about it and he completely changed he said that now wasn't the right time coz of money issues and me not having a perm job, totally contradicting himself from when he said if it happens, it happens and we will deal with it. I was rally honest with him and said that I don't know if I could let this opportunity go and I don't know how I will act/cope afterwards.

I can see his side of it but my heart was telling me not to let this opportunity go as I don't know if and when it would happen again. I felt like screaming at him, " what the hell have I been doing for the last three years, I have pumped myself full of drugs, starved myself and for what........."

This morning I can't even look at him. I don't know how this is going to end, I really don't want this is spilt us up but I don’t think I will be able to get over his reaction and what he said afterwards.

Sorry for venting but I didn't know who else to talk to

 

[nicb26]

didn't want to read+run. I'm so sorry hun. sounds like you have a lot of talking to do, and your oh needs to understand that this just isnt something you are willing to put on hold.
Good luck x

 

[Jennifaerie]

I think you need to sit down and have a good talk, maybe he doesn't realise how huge this is? xxx

 

[R&G2007]

I don't know if he is getting cold feet or what, but I can see his point with regards to money worries but people manage with less money and more debt than us.

I am just so scared that last night was a one off and we are going to have to wait for a long time beofre the next chance comes along, I just hope we get another chance

 

[MarsMaiden]

This is a really tough one. At the end of the day if you are going to be a family then it is really important that your oh is on board and wants to be a parent as much as you do and you have to take his feelings into account.

From your point of view, it is a shame that he has waited this long to share his concerns! I think you need to impress on him that this is a really rare occasion and just how long it might be before you get the opportunity again. Quite often men, no matter how often they are told, honestly just don't understand how it all works and he may need it to be emphasised again!

As an aside though, are your cycles regularly 31/32 days? If so it would be really odd to o on day 27. Is there any chance at all you could be pg?

 

[R&G2007]

This is a really tough one. At the end of the day if you are going to be a family then it is really important that your oh is on board and wants to be a parent as much as you do and you have to take his feelings into account.

From your point of view, it is a shame that he has waited this long to share his concerns! I think you need to impress on him that this is a really rare occasion and just how long it might be before you get the opportunity again. Quite often men, no matter how often they are told, honestly just don't understand how it all works and he may need it to be emphasised again!

As an aside though, are your cycles regularly 31/32 days? If so it would be really odd to o on day 27. Is there any chance at all you could be pg?

He does want a family but he thinks to much and then talks himself out of it if that makes sense.

I have no idea if I could be pregnant, I had my first peiod on July 12 and then had another one on August 12 so I am due Septemer 12. I did a pregnancy test last night and it was do you think I could be? would it be to early to test?

 

[MarsMaiden]

an indecisive man? Well that'd be a first. Not! haha! Flippin' typical though that he chooses this moment! If you got a positive last night then it's still not too late if you bd today or maybe even tomorrow so you still have time to talk to him and try to convince him. Really hope that you can talk him round.

I only queried the pg issue as I have heard of people using OPKs as HPTs and thought that maybe the positive could be a reaction to HCG rather than LH. But if you have had a negative HPT then I would guess that wasn't the reason for your positive OPK as they are usually less sensitive. So you really could be ovulating and just having a longer cycle this time?

 

[MariaF]

Oh honey, Im so sorry

Hubby and I had a similar cnversation 2 weeks ago - the night before my ovulation on Clomid. Except the reason for the talk wasn't him getting cold feet. Still I was so hysterical I couldn't breathe for hours. I also screamed at him about all the drugs, hormones, operations, BBT charting first thing each morning, millions of blood tests, etc. And it all seemed for nothing.
I didn't know what to think. It did at that point feel like my life as I knew it came to an end and suddenly I had to re-think my future.
It was a horrible feeling which is still very fresh in my mind so I do understand how you are feeling and sending you massive amounts of hugs

I think you need to talk. Away with emotions - just a calm conversation. Does he understand that all you want right now is a baby? And you don't care about material things like house, fancy car or holidays? Millions of people around the world cope on a lot less so unless you are on the street or already have 3 kids, I think money is a pretty lame excuse.

Blokes find it really difficult to understand about maternal instincts but I really hope talking to him will help, hun. If you love each other, I am sure you'll be able to achieve a compromise and he will understand your desire to be a Mother!

 

[charliephoebe]

you really need to talk and i hope he understands that youve got to grab the opportunities whilst you can. Me and my partner both got made redundant when i was pregnant but weve coped fine, to me money shouldnt be an issue, have a chat with him and see if theres a deeper problem like is he nervous about the fact he could be a dad in 9 months? it could just be the reality of it all - i hope that all goes well for you xxx

 

[R&G2007]

an indecisive man? Well that'd be a first. Not! haha! Flippin' typical though that he chooses this moment! If you got a positive last night then it's still not too late if you bd today or maybe even tomorrow so you still have time to talk to him and try to convince him. Really hope that you can talk him round.

I only queried the pg issue as I have heard of people using OPKs as HPTs and thought that maybe the positive could be a reaction to HCG rather than LH. But if you have had a negative HPT then I would guess that wasn't the reason for your positive OPK as they are usually less sensitive. So you really could be ovulating and just having a longer cycle this time?

I tested this morning on another ovulation stick and the smiley face was gone does that mean its to late?

 

[MrsF]

sweetheart, i'm so sorry you're having a rough time

he may well have had time to reflect today, and he may well want to discuss it later?? x x x i think it does need further chat though hun x x x

men are problem solvers (albeit, not the most logical ) and try to fix stuff when it's broken, or just before it breaks - it sounds like he was (trying to be?) practical. Please don't get me wrong, i totally and completely understand where you're coming from x x x

go for a wander, or pub, or somewhere neutral and have some face to face time outside of the house. But prepare what you're gonna say before, as it'll help you stay focused. Talk about it openly and frankly. I can hear in your post how devastated you were / are. Apologies if i'm teaching you to suck eggs here hun - could you try some of the following to help minimise the risk of an argument breaking out? For example, you could say "I" statements "I really felt let down last night when you said...." instead of "You made me feel like...." No one can argue or doubt you if you use I statements, and it takes the edge off that 'blaming' thing. Also, instead of asking "why" questions, it could be rephrased as "what led you to that thought / decision" as again, why can be quite "aggressive" - even though we might not mean it to come across that way.

i've just reread this and it sound like i'm trying to tell you what to bloody say!!!!!! Many apologies hun, not my intention at all!!! I totally understand the crap this journey can bring, and i know that by being able to talk to my DH has helped hugely, and even though at times i could have throttled him, the smaller things like rephrasing stuff have avoided me saying the wrong thing and making a shitty situation a million times worse.

i hope you guys can get things sorted. Please come back and vent, it really does help x x x

 

[MarsMaiden]

R+G - A positive ovulation test means you will normally ovulate within the next 24 to 36 hours and then the egg will stay 'alive' for 24 hours after release so in theory you still have time to catch it. I hope you get the chance to ahve a really good talk with your oh, even if you have missed this opportunity perhaps you can straighten things out so that you know where you are next time. *hugs*

 

[R&G2007]

Update for you all.

We had a talk last night and basicaly it all stems from him being scared as he feels he wont be a good father, nothing could be further from the truth, we have agreed not to do any more ovualtion tests and just anytime we feel like it as he doesnt want to take the fun out of it, bless him.

What a turn around from yesturday so we are still on this long journey of baby making. and the make up was amazing (sorry to much info)

Thank you all for your help

 

[2nd time]

somtimes i wish me an oh argued just so we could have make up sex lol, the money thing is a worry but people cope you dont knw how you do it but you do, you could always keep teting ad then just get amouruse at the right time he dosent have to know your being scientific lol

 

[Jennifaerie]

I'm sure he'll be a great father - 2nd time I'm the same - we just don't fight. Maybe we should start picking arguments about random things for the make up

 

[R&G2007]

I highly recommend it