hello! newbie

[babytots]

hi girls hope you don't mind me joining in here i'm not really sure if i belong here but i'm hoping some people are in the same or similar situation to what i am.

i already have 2 gorgeous daughters who i am very thankful and cherise them each and everyday.

in april this year i fell pregnant unexpectedly and although was a shock me and my partner were over the moon. sadly i m/c'd this baby in may at 8 weeks. after the grieve had started to fade i wanted to ttc as i really wanted another baby df wasnt so sure but agreed as he had got used to the idea of having a 3rd child. i fell pg 6 weeks after my m/c and all was going well. i had a scan at what i thought was 9+4 due to them being unsure of my dates to be told there was no h/b and i had an eprc 3 days later.

now my df has said no more babies and although i've stopped grieving for the babies i've lost everyday i'm grieving for the babies i thought i may have in the future that i'm never going to have.

my partner says he can't go through another pregnancy again as he can't bear going through another m/c. totally understandble as i feel the same to an extent but i know i have 2 healthy daughters and know i can have healthy babies and want to give it a chance as if i don't i know a) i'll regret it for the rest of my life and b) i'll start to resent him.

i just don't know how to cope with it all. i've always loved children since an early age and couldnt wait to have my own and i imagined having a big family now i'll never get that chance to have a big family. i want to experience having a son and give my daughters a brother to play with.(although another daughter be just as nice as long as the baby is healthy)

sometimes i really hate jason as i can't beleive hes willing to see me hurt so much and not do anything to ease that pain. he said he doesnt like seeing me unhappy yet hes the one causing it all and wont do anything to make it right again.

i have it rubbed in my face everyday too. my next door neighbour is pregnant and due a week after i was, a friend has just given birth to a little boy,another has announced her pregnany and many more are halfway through their pregnancy and i feel there is no escape from it all and it makes me feel even worse.

he knows this and knows if we were ttc and i got pregnant i would be happy so why is he willing to see me unhappy.

sorry for the rant but i'm hoping you all can understand how i feel.

like i say i'm grateful for the 2 girls i'm blessed with but don't feel like my family is complete yet. x

 

[FsMummy]

Hi babytots. first of all i am so sorry for your losses, i cannot imagine what it must've been like to lose 2 babies. I think that you should show your husband your post and ask him to answer your questions. you have been very open and honest and i think he should know exactly how you feel. just a suggestion, sorry if it doesn't help much. good luck x

 

[x_Rainbow_x]

i no how hard it is hunni.. iv lost 4 but my husband is the oppersite. with every m/c hes become more determind 2 have a baby... even when i said i wanted 2 give up.

have a good chat with him hunni
xxx

 

[babytots]

thanks hunni i have told him all of this numerous times and it makes no difference. so now i just dont bother opening up to him. all i get is i know you want a baby but i don't and answers like o.k and i dont know what else to say.

its hard coz i feel like now i have to choose. either stay with him and have no kids or leave and eventually meet someone else. i love him and dont want to be without him yet whats th point if he doesnt share the same dreams. but on the other hand i can't imagine having children with anyone else hes the only person i want them with.

just wish he could be in my shoes and see how i'm feeling and maybe he might understand.

i'll show him this thread but i know it really wont make a difference. x

 

[babytots]

tracie so sorry to hear of your losses. i'm glad that your dh has the determination to have your much wanted baby and i hope it happens soon for you.

i've talked to him so many times about this and it makes no difference. don't see the point in me telling him my deepest feelings when they don't matter to him as his own feelings matter more. it hurts because i can see why he doesnt want to go through another pregnancy again but i wish he could see why i do.

i have a tiny bit of hope that one day he'll change his mind i just hope its not one day too late iykwim x

 

[Dream.A.Dream]

thanks hunni i have told him all of this numerous times and it makes no difference. so now i just dont bother opening up to him. all i get is i know you want a baby but i don't and answers like o.k and i dont know what else to say.

its hard coz i feel like now i have to choose. either stay with him and have no kids or leave and eventually meet someone else. i love him and dont want to be without him yet whats th point if he doesnt share the same dreams. but on the other hand i can't imagine having children with anyone else hes the only person i want them with.

just wish he could be in my shoes and see how i'm feeling and maybe he might understand.

i'll show him this thread but i know it really wont make a difference. x

I feel the same about my OH but for different reasons, i'm hoping that he will come round eventually and it's just because of his age that he's currently not ready. The thing i don't understand is how he can see me so down about wanting a baby, constantly say "i would do anything to make you happy, i hate seeing you so down" yet he still won't start trying. I mean it's quite clear from that he won't actually do anything, so he obviously doesn't mean it when he says it. Like you i have also considered leaving him for someone who would be ready for a baby now, but i do really love him and can't imagine being without him.

I'm sorry for your loses, and i know i can't fully relate but i do understand how you feel about OH saying no.

 

[babytots]

thanks katy its good to know someones is the same boat.

i think sometimes men can be selfish at times as it always how about they feel not just about babies but other things in life too. everything is about how he feels i just wish for once he could sacrifice his own feelings for mine if it means seeing me smile again.

since my m/c's i'm not the same person anyore and never will be now and i want the old me back but now i'm never going to unless i'm back to be 100% happy and have ttc/pregnancy/a baby to look forward to.

life is so unfair isnt it.

top it off i'm ovulating too just want to go upstairs and cry but i know he'll ask whats wrong and then not do anything about it iykwim. i'll probably get a mumbled sorry and he'll walk out the room like he normally does.

i hope it isnt long til your oh decides to ttc. x

 

[babytots]

ok so now i'm really upset. i use fb and wrote in my status wants to cry in her pillow stupid body!!!! and stupid men.

a friend of mine (or someone who i thought was my friend) wrote in hers thinks a certain someone should stop attention seeking and accept that what will be will be......

feel so hurt that she can write that and as soon as i saw it i knew it was aimed at me. its ok for her as she her rosy perfect little life. she has a loving husband who really cares for and she has she has her complete family after recently giving birth to a boy (she now has one of each)

i want a boy more then anything in the world to complete my family and yet again my nose is rubbed into the fact that i never will even get the chance to try and have a son.

think maybe she should try gonig through 2 misscarriages before saying that as it really hurt. its only been over a month since my last m/c and its stilla bit raw but its getting better.

feel even worse now and oh is too bust asleep on the sofa to even see how upset i am.x

 

[todteach]

I am so sorry that you're going through this right now.

Some people can say the most insensitive things; and i'm sorry that they have hurt you. After one of my 'friends' found out that i miscarried at three months, she told me 'oh, well.......it was only your first try anyways'. Like my pregnancy wasn't validated because i didn't carry fullterm. Needless to say i haven't spoken to her since. And she and I had been friends since preschool. Unfortunately, if you have never experienced a miscarriage, you don't know the pain that is suffered. My miscarriage happened in May this year, and i'm still grieving.

Please understand that your husband is still also grieving, just like you are. Men have a different way of showing their grief, compared to us. He doesn't want to cause you anymore pain right now, you've both been through a lot. In time he may want to try again (fingers crossed), and I certainly hope so.

 

[babytots]

ok so ignore that last post as it wasn't aimed at me. feel like such a tw@t now i guess i was just in a bad mood put two and two together when i shouldnt have. just hoping my friend accepts my apologises. i'm such a fool!!!!

thanks todteach for your message. sorry to hear what your friend said to you. that really is insensitive and you did right cutting her out of your life.

i think my oh has done all his grieving as hes acting like everythings normal and jsut wants to carry on with life the way it is whereas i'm stuck in a rut wanting things i can't have. i know men deal with their grieve differently just wish he would open up properly to me so i know.

i really do hope he changes his mind as i really can't bear the thought of never having another child. x

 

[todteach]

try talking to him after he's had a few drinks. why not try a date night? no kids. get a sitter and go to the pub for a few? he may open up when his guard is down.

btw: i'm sure that your friend will accept your apology, i know that i sure would

 

[babytots]

thanks hun. i'll give it a try but tbh don't think will make much difference and he'll probably just get angry that i've brought it up again.

feel so terrible now about my friend coz she is such a lovely person and known her since i was pg with my first. i just couldnt help but jump to conclusions when i was in such a foul mood. x

 

[todteach]

she'll get that you were in a foul mood. try giving her a call, she'd prob like to hear from you anyways. ask her over for a cup of coffee, or something. a little company would prob do you good right now.

 

[babytots]

lol i would if i could shes an online friend. we met when pregnant with our girls as we were due the same month. i've sent her an email to apologise but probably too busy to answer. x

 

[Dream.A.Dream]

thanks katy its good to know someones is the same boat.

i think sometimes men can be selfish at times as it always how about they feel not just about babies but other things in life too. everything is about how he feels i just wish for once he could sacrifice his own feelings for mine if it means seeing me smile again.

since my m/c's i'm not the same person anyore and never will be now and i want the old me back but now i'm never going to unless i'm back to be 100% happy and have ttc/pregnancy/a baby to look forward to.

life is so unfair isnt it.

top it off i'm ovulating too just want to go upstairs and cry but i know he'll ask whats wrong and then not do anything about it iykwim. i'll probably get a mumbled sorry and he'll walk out the room like he normally does.

i hope it isnt long til your oh decides to ttc. x

My OH is exactly the same. I've even said to him why do his wants and needs come before mine. What makes his more important?! I know that this probably isn't rational or fair but nothing ever is when such strong emotions are involved i guess. I never get a proper answer, he just pretty much refuses to talk about it at all anymore. Changes the subject or just mumbles "I'm sorry" He knows how down i am yet he won't change his mind. I'm trying so hard to just stop thinking about it, but i literally think about it all the time. It makes it even more difficult when he keeps seeming to chop and change his mind. At first it was just no, then it was sod it, life's too short and we'll do it as soon as it's possible, but then he changed his mind again and it's gonna be a lot longer than he made out

I'm sure your friend will forgive you, just explain you were having a bad day and put 2 and 2 together and came up with 5.

 

[honeybunch2k7]

my partner says he can't go through another pregnancy again as he can't bear going through another m/c. sometimes i really hate jason as i can't beleive hes willing to see me hurt so much and not do anything to ease that pain. he said he doesnt like seeing me unhappy yet hes the one causing it all and wont do anything to make it right again.
i

My OH said the first part in bold to me. The second part is sometimes how i feel about my OH. He knows it'll make me happy, so why can't we just do it???

 

[1stbaby]

I am new to the site, but since reading your post, I thought i should share with you what happened to me and my OH. I went off birth control a few months after finding out a friend was pregnant with her first. I concieved on the first attempt and it ended with a D&C. I was so sad, and then found out yet another friend got pregnant. Of us three we all got married last year. I was excited for them both, and my OH and I were going to wait a few years anyway, but once it happened I was thrilled. My friends have made a few remarks as well about my losing my first that were insensitive. Like well at least you know youre fertile, and you were waiting a while anyways. I am sorry for your losses and I hope your OH will come around as well. I am having a hard time coping with some things my friends say and just yesterday I found out one of my friends sisters is pregnant too. I know 5 girls pregnant right now, and I cant feel happy for them. Again sorry if this does not help, but I know to some extent what youre going through.