Hello! TTC at 37 with a new partner, sad, need encouragement

[LilaBlommor]

Hi all, can't believe I'm back in a forum like this again after all these years. I just got AF (I remember the lingo) after my third OPK-timed cycle and I'm feeling so down. I got pg three times naturally with my ex-husband and each time it was the first or second cycle ttc, but this was all in my twenties. I know I'm lucky to have a bunch of great kids but my ex has primary custody (it was a viciously ugly divorce but we're cool now) and my new partner of almost two years has no kids at all and every fiber of my being is aching to be pg again, to feel my baby moving in my belly under my partner's hands, to hold a baby of our own, and I'm just starting to lose hope it's possible.

Complicating things is the fact DP, while he does want to have a baby with me now, he just wants it to magically happen and doesn't want to time sex or anything. He says it will happen "when the time is right." Basically if I talk about anything like that, he shies off and will even start pulling out. Well this is so drastically different from what I'm used to, and I know my body and can't just pretend like I don't know when a good attempt occurred and then just not be super bummed when it doesn't work. It's my understanding from when I used to go into forums like this that this isn't a totally uncommon way for men to act, even husbands who've already had kids with you. It just isn't something I'm used to, and I feel like I can't even show that I'm sad around him when I get AF or again, he'll change his mind and start pulling out. But I just feel time slipping away from me. I've had an ultrasound within the past year and things looked good, and I mentioned my concern to my gyno at my last visit (before this third failed ttc cycle) and she tested my AMH and it's a good number, which makes sense because women go through menopause late in my family. But I'm worried there's some other bad thing going on like maybe scarring I can't see and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it because even if DP was down for testing and medical intervention, I can't exactly afford it and insurance covers nothing.

Anyway, anybody got any stories about getting pg after at least three BFNs without medical intervention? Or anyone in a similar boat? I've been wanting this for so long, and I feel so alone.

 

[Rebaby]

Didn't want to read and run, and I just wanted to reassure you that 3 cycles isn't a long time to TTC at any age tbh. I know it probably feels like it, after getting pg first or second cycle with your other children, but just because it hasn't happened yet doesn't mean it won't

I'm 35 and pregnant with a new partner having had both of my other children in my twenties with my ex. I also have pcos and irregular cycles, and a history of miscarriage and my OH is older than me, so I worried the odds were stacked against us, but here I am- almost 10 weeks pregnant and our first scan is tomorrow.

I hope you don't have much longer to wait for your

 

[Beccaboo828]

Hi, I am 37 (38 in june) my partner is 54 (55 next month) we were trying for 16 months to get pregnant. I'm now almost 13 weeks along. No medical help. Lots of patience and lots of sexy time. Good luck xx

*edited to add I too have pcos and was told at 16 I'd never have children. I have 4 children and have had 6 losses.

 

[LilaBlommor]

Thank you Rebaby and Beccaboo, and congrats on your impending arrivals! It does feel like a long time, especially because these three months we had good attempts were non-consecutive months because like I said, it just has to "happen" at the right time. When I started talking about timing and all that, he started pulling out, even though he started the conversation by saying how ready he was to have a baby!!! So I start worrying every month as O gets near that we won't even get to do it in the right window because I can't just tell him "now's the time!" and in general he likes to be the one to initiate sexy time, and then I worry what if he decides to pull out because he likes to toss a few of those in every month? This is sooooooo different from my ex-husband, with whom I initiated every single time to the point where I resented him for it. We all get our ironic punishments in the end, don't we? Anyway I was quite surprised I had a well timed attempt in January at all because I thought we wouldn't get one in during the right window, then it happened. But IT didn't happen

Didn't want to read and run, and I just wanted to reassure you that 3 cycles isn't a long time to TTC at any age tbh. I know it probably feels like it, after getting pg first or second cycle with your other children, but just because it hasn't happened yet doesn't mean it won't

I'm 35 and pregnant with a new partner having had both of my other children in my twenties with my ex. I also have pcos and irregular cycles, and a history of miscarriage and my OH is older than me, so I worried the odds were stacked against us, but here I am- almost 10 weeks pregnant and our first scan is tomorrow.

I hope you don't have much longer to wait for your

 

[MissMarpleFan]

What about just seducing him at the right times and not talking about your OPK sticks etc? Or are you worried he doesn’t really want a baby?

 

[HLx]

Kind of the same but different lol I'm in my late twenties now, I had both my two older children with my ex in my early twenties, both caught on the mini pill so no trying was even needed, we ended years ago and met my partner who had no children of his own, and we decided to try for my 3rd and his 1st, i thought as I got pregnant on the pill actually trying would be a doddle, but it didn't happen straight away, it did take 4 cycles, but we got there, my baby is 13 weeks old now good luck!

 

[LilaBlommor]

What about just seducing him at the right times and not talking about your OPK sticks etc? Or are you worried he doesn’t really want a baby?

Haha, no he definitely wants a baby, he just doesn't want to hear about ttc, wants it to be "natural" and "romantic" or whatever, because to him it should happen when it's supposed to happen. He's not easy to seduce! We DTD plenty but if he's not in the mood, if he's tired or preoccupied with work, he's just not going to be into it and me "pressuring" him just makes him mad. So I've learned to read him, and usually we get one attempt in during the right window. But not this month, which is just as well because I was sick for a few weeks and then because of meds for that I got a yeast infection and BV! So I've been all out of balance and on lots of medication. We still DTD and it would have been in the right window if he didn't pull out, the only pull out he did all month! But I was all irritated down there so probably it wouldn't have worked anyway. We DTD right outside the window on either end and some friends were like "watch, it'll happen when you think it's impossible." I doubt it though. But I do feel less anxiety about it this month, knowing the timing was almost definitely wrong.

 

[LilaBlommor]

Kind of the same but different lol I'm in my late twenties now, I had both my two older children with my ex in my early twenties, both caught on the mini pill so no trying was even needed, we ended years ago and met my partner who had no children of his own, and we decided to try for my 3rd and his 1st, i thought as I got pregnant on the pill actually trying would be a doddle, but it didn't happen straight away, it did take 4 cycles, but we got there, my baby is 13 weeks old now good luck!

Congratulations, hope to be giving reassuring advice like this soon myself!

 

[Suggerhoney]

Also didn't wanna read and run. Dont give up hope hon. It took me 4 months to get pregnant when I was 30 and only 1 month at age 39 so dont ever give up hope.
37 os still young and 3 cycles isnt really that long.
I just wanted to wish u all the very best and I hope u get ure BFP very very soon.

 

[Bevziibubble]

Good luck and best wishes

 

[LilaBlommor]

Also didn't wanna read and run. Dont give up hope hon. It took me 4 months to get pregnant when I was 30 and only 1 month at age 39 so dont ever give up hope.
37 os still young and 3 cycles isnt really that long.
I just wanted to wish u all the very best and I hope u get ure BFP very very soon.

Thanks Suggerhoney and Bevziibubble. It's hard not to lose hope, especially when the three cycles aren't consecutive (three cycles but it's been a lot longer than three months that I've been hoping and wanting and the possibility is on the table) and any month could be a non-starter if he doesn't feel like DTD when we need to!

 

[LilaBlommor]

I had a bad month last month, the timing was off to where we DTD JUST outside the window of possibility on both ends, and then the one time IN the window of possibility, he pulled out! So frustrating, but probably for the best as I started the month with a sinus infection which led to a lot of cold medicine and a steroid shot, which led to a recurring yeast infection with many doses of fluconazole plus a round of antibiotics in the middle. The yeast was absolutely raging at O time, so I doubt the sperm could even have made it through if we went at the right time! Still, there were tears when I got my period yesterday

Just before I got my period a friend of mine who was recently married and said she was ttc soon called to tell me she was pregnant. They hadn't even been trying yet, it was an accident! She's only 32 so of course I'm just feeling hopeless over here. It feels like it's been forever. FX for me to see a strong healthy BFP again this stupid year already!

 

[Suggerhoney]

Awww hon it's so hard when ure trying and someone u know falls pregnant easy.
It is hard not to worry. It will happen hon. I'm staying postive for you and I really really hope u have the shock of ure life next cycle and get a blazing BFP.

 

[JessaBear36]

Sorry but seems maybe he don't want to have a baby right now, since he pulls out so much. Could be that in the moment he thinks differently about it then pulls out?? I'd have a sit down and tell him how you feel about it. That you want to try during ovulation time. Seems odd to me. Good luck.

 

[LilaBlommor]

Sorry but seems maybe he don't want to have a baby right now, since he pulls out so much. Could be that in the moment he thinks differently about it then pulls out?? I'd have a sit down and tell him how you feel about it. That you want to try during ovulation time. Seems odd to me. Good luck.

He does want a baby, but he's not like so gung ho for one that he wants to plan it. He wants it to be this romantic thing that magically happens when the time is right.

 

[LilaBlommor]

Well last week I got my fourth BFN on a cycle where we definitely had sex in the fertile window. Even with everything else going on in the world I still feel so disappointed and frustrated, like there's something wrong with me. I'm wondering if the timing has always been slightly off, though. I use Clearblue Easy digital OPKs and all of the four attempts occurred the day after the OPK turned peak/positive. But I think I usually O 36 - 48 hours after the positive OPK. Still, we've never actually DTD on the day of a peak. There's always some reason we don't! Thoughts anyone?

 

[cheerios]

Well last week I got my fourth BFN on a cycle where we definitely had sex in the fertile window. Even with everything else going on in the world I still feel so disappointed and frustrated, like there's something wrong with me. I'm wondering if the timing has always been slightly off, though. I use Clearblue Easy digital OPKs and all of the four attempts occurred the day after the OPK turned peak/positive. But I think I usually O 36 - 48 hours after the positive OPK. Still, we've never actually DTD on the day of a peak. There's always some reason we don't! Thoughts anyone?

sorry to hear about your 4th BFN. 4 cycles are still "normal" in the duration of TTCing. Do you DTD before the OPK turns positive? Sperms survive for a few days so if you do it before a positive OPK and even 24 -48 hours after it turns positive, you would have covered your grounds.

 

[LilaBlommor]

sorry to hear about your 4th BFN. 4 cycles are still "normal" in the duration of TTCing. Do you DTD before the OPK turns positive? Sperms survive for a few days so if you do it before a positive OPK and even 24 -48 hours after it turns positive, you would have covered your grounds.

I've had cycles where we've DTD a day or two before a positive, but I've always assumed I O a day and a half to two days later, and while I know sperm theoretically live up to five days, I've heard (and in my younger days experienced) that you really can't count on more than two or two and a half days, that three days is often a stretch if things aren't perfect.

I had my best attempts this cycle. We DTD in the morning the day before a +OPK, when I'd been reading high for two days, then I tested positive the next morning and we had an attempt that night.

I have been dealing with some unfortunate problems "down there" on and off since February, so between that and four BFNs I am still very pessimistic about my chances this cycle. AF would be due this weekend sometime.

 

[Rebaby]

Fingers crossed for you

 

[Geko77]

Hello just joined and saw your thread. I had my 1st child at 40 I’m 43 this year and TTC again! It took 9 cycles of a excited up for it husband the 1st time. The a year ago we agreed to try again 6 weeks after he agreed we got pregnant but I lost it at 10 weeks it was such a horrible time he point blank refused to try again. 6 months ago he said we could try but I wasn’t to say when I’m ovulating, demand sex or make him feel like a sperm bank. We have sex when we want that’s it. But your right in reality when you know your body you know when is best it stops being a random act. This is the 1st month I’ve managed to time our ‘random’ acts perfectly the tings you have to do? Hope all goes well for you x