Hello! Wondering whether to ttc after recent diagnosis

[bakedbean]

Hello there!

I am 22 years old, 23 this year and am currently studying at university. I'v been with my partner for 3 years and the plan was to wait another 4 years before having children, so i would have finished uni and be in a steady, good job. Recently i was diagnosed with endometriosis, i also have a fibroid, cin1 and suspected polycystic ovarian syndrome, although no cysts were found at the time (but i have had ruptured ones). I'm worrying now that my chances of conceiving will get less and less the older i get (as i know iv had endo since i was 13 but it's taken all this time to be diagnosed).
Whilst i would love to travel first (though iv done quite a bit) and finish my degree etc, a family is important to me and i feel i would be ready should i happen to be pregnant now (in fact i thought i was as i am currently 5 days late for af, got excited but had a bfn ). The only thing is, I know my partner is not ready for a child as he feels we are not able to 'afford one' (but then when are you!). We have our own rented place (a 2 bedroomed house), he works and i work at weekends on top of my studies, so i feel it would work in regards to finance. We also talk about having kids and how we would parent them etc a lot, so i know he would like them, just not right now i suppose.

Do you ladies think i should perhaps have more of a talk with him to get him to come round to the idea of having kids within the next year or two? Or leave it a while, so i don't push my partner away or make him do something he would regret? It's partly the infertility prospect that makes me think start trying right away but even without that i would still like to bring it forward a few years (rather than 4!).
Does anyone else have fertility issues and is currently thinking/thought/acted on this?

I guess i just needed to rant a little bit and get my feelings out there! Any advice/ideas/support would be appreciated xx

 

[molly86]

I can't speak from experience as I'm not aware of any health issues that might affect my fertility but I can see why you are concerned. How ever I don't think you shoud start trying before you're ready just incase you might have difficulty. Because you might not. Also 22 is really young, You've got time on your side even if you do have difficulties. I would suggest concentrate on uni. Work hard, get your qualifications and then maybe think about. It's obviously upto you and your partner. But personally I'd finish uni first. I think it would feel knowing you're a little more ready finiancially. good luck whatever you decide x

 

[bakedbean]

Thank you for your response
I am aware that I young and that it would be better to finish my studies, the only thing is im doing a medical degree, so I would be 26 by the times I finish, then say a year in a job assuming I get on straight away brings me to 27. The doctor would want a year of ttc (28) and probably a year of trying medications/surgery (29) with ivf being talked about at age 30/31 (based on nhs time frames iv heard). I know some of its based on assumptions but its what makes me worry.

and then obviously I think what you've said, which is absolutely right - I might not have trouble and should focus on studies!

Sorry for the essay, I just keep going back and forth on it, so its good to voice! I appreciate your answer, thank you

 

[lozzy21]

I think you should discuss your concerns with him but not talk about the fact you want to TTC sooner. Men tend to put up walls if they feel backed into a corner and you run the risk of him not wanting to talk about it at all.?

 

[spicyorange]

Might be worth having a chat with your doctor to. Don't rush into it. A good friend of mine was in a similar position and they decided to start ttc right away and got a bfp really quickly.babies change your life, you both need to decide together if your ready for that. And if it doesn't work when you are ready would you consider ivf, adoption etc.It's a decision only you 2 can make, and you can change your mind in the future if you decide to wait but it doesn't sound like you rally want this baby yet so why not re assess in a couple of years.

 

[MamaByrd]

I agree. While the problems that you're having are serious, I wouldn't base your whole life off of them. Everything happens for a reason. But, I wouldn't rush & stress yourself or your relationship out.

I'd try when you're both fully ready & I'm sure things will turn out. Just keep joining us here for the wait! It's helped me a lot. Good luck!

 

[bakedbean]

I think you should discuss your concerns with him but not talk about the fact you want to TTC sooner. Men tend to put up walls if they feel backed into a corner and you run the risk of him not wanting to talk about it at all.?

thanks, I took this on board and discussed it with him but laid off of the ttc soon part It was a good discussion and we came to the conclusion that in 3 years would be a good time.

Might be worth having a chat with your doctor to. Don't rush into it. A good friend of mine was in a similar position and they decided to start ttc right away and got a bfp really quickly.babies change your life, you both need to decide together if your ready for that. And if it doesn't work when you are ready would you consider ivf, adoption etc.It's a decision only you 2 can make, and you can change your mind in the future if you decide to wait but it doesn't sound like you rally want this baby yet so why not re assess in a couple of years.

Thanks, I am due to see my consultant in 2 weeks and was planning to discuss this with her. I do understand a baby changes your life and isnt something to rush into, so ill mull it all over before making a rash decision! - I dont understand why you've said it sounds like I dont want a baby though? I would love a child right now, hence why im so worried about waiting but at the same time, I dont want to force a baby onto my partner who might not be ready, hence asking for some opinions/advice. Im just trying to get all angles so I can decide on what will be best for my partner and future child.

I agree. While the problems that you're having are serious, I wouldn't base your whole life off of them. Everything happens for a reason. But, I wouldn't rush & stress yourself or your relationship out.

I'd try when you're both fully ready & I'm sure things will turn out. Just keep joining us here for the wait! It's helped me a lot. Good luck!

yes you're right, hopefully the disease can be managed for a while and a child brought into the world when its planned for, not because of panic. We had a talk and decided we would try in 3 years, instead of 5 which will also mean my degree will be finished by then! Thank you, hopefully joining you ladies on here will curb my impatience, lol! I would so dearly love a little one! As the saying goes, good things come to those who wait! Xx

Thank you for your input ladies xx

 

[MamaByrd]

If you're 23 & waiting 3 years to finish your degree, we are in the exact same boat!

 

[bakedbean]

MamaByrd - WTT & future TTC buddies!