Help... experience of rocky relationships & pregnancy

[Lifenlemons]

Right so I have seriously gone through everything possible that has come up in google relating to this and im just not getting anywhere, I dont want to ring my midwife as I'm probably wasting her time and this sort of thing doesn't need to be logged on my records.

My partner and I have had some really heated discussions/ arguments that has driven me insane, crying, heavy breathing etc. they arent majorly physical but there is pushing and arm grabbing, up close shouting in faces :/ no punching or fighting!

I'm 13 weeks and worry as it is, but woke up this morning with knotting sensations and just feel different - can hear baby fine on my doppler but I was researching preterm labor etc. and its all just getting too much - I wish we didn't argue and it get so bad the way it does. I want this pregnancy to be healthy and not cause myself especially baby any problems later on, and cause anything later on for this pregnancy.

How much stress is too much, am I over doing it - does anyone have any experience in this from the past..?

cant find any advice of help anywhere, so something would be nice, thank you.

 

[Shakeitout]

I can't say I've been in the situation but didn't want to read and run. Can I ask what the arguments stem from? Is the relationship one that you see lasting the distance? When you say pushing and arm grabbing on whose side is that? Both? You to him? Him to you? All is wrong obviously, but, if it's him to you when he knows you are pregnant, and I know it's not something you want to hear, but you should really be thinking about if being in the relationship is such a good idea? Would these outbursts between you continue once baby is here?

I'm sorry to be miss negative Im just asking the first things that came to mind.some relationships can be rocky, my partner and I disagree often, but we have never gotten violent, and if it ever did, I can say hand on heart I would be out of there. But not everyone is like that and sometimes it's how some people's relationships work :/

Sorry I'm not being much help.

In a nutshell, you defo shouldn't be having to deal with that kind of thing, especially pregnant, and maybe need to look to the root cause of the rows?

Rambling post over lol

 

[MrsKatie]

This is very, very serious. I'm glad you posted here. Of course this kind of environment is unhealthy for anyone- pregnant or not- but it is VITAL that you resolve these issues before baby is here. Growing up in an environment this volatile is devastating for children and fights like that need to be absolutely non-existent once your baby is here.

I am SO sorry you are dealing with this kind of stress. Please please get to a therapist and maybe anger management too- both of you, and together.

Keep us updated.

 

[Tiny_pooh]

I need help with this too. My relationship went well past arm grabbing and yelling. Im 4 weeks now and im really concerned about where we're going to end up. I would hate to have my baby in a broken home.

 

[Avalanche]

A broken home with two parents who live their child and are stable in themselves is MUCH better than two people being under the same roof and fighting like that. In all
Honesty I would leave now and get counselling together and see if you can get back together in future. A baby and pregnancy will expose every little crack in a relationship and make it 100 times worse

 

[george83]

Me and my oh went through the worst period of our marriage when I was pregnant with ds1, we argued a lot of the time and when we weren't arguing he would disappear on me which used to stress me out even more. I was in an awful place and can not get across how stressed out and angry I made myself.

My pregnancy stayed healthy though - no high blood pressure etc - and he ended up being born on his due date a perfect healthy baby. My biggest regret though is that that is now how I remember my pregnancy. I wish I'd had the courage to walk away, not argue and just in general not react to things. The worry about worrying just isn't worth it

 

[Kmx]

Prefnancy is a difficult time. In my last two oregnancies it really put my relationship with OH under a lot of strain. At one point I pushed Oh as i was So angry. It's not right but hormones and stress really make u act out of control. Looking back now I really regret it and the day I fell pregnant again I vowed never to act like that. No matter how mad or hormonal or stressed I was. I had a miscarriagr last time and Although I know the arguments did not cause it - it really made me atress and regret my actions and think "what if". This pregbancy has been really smooth. I havn't felt hormonal once - not towards OH anyway.

I think in your circumstance depending on who is instigating the arguments or who is being violent I would - if it is you - try to take a step back when it gets too much. Leave the room or house if u can and calm down. It really is not worth the stress. I can't even remember what my arguments were about with OHS that is how trivial they were.

If it is him - then unfortunately it is completely unacceptable and please do not tolerate it. A man should never touch a pregnant woman violently.

 

[KatO79]

I think you have two options here because it's definitely not ok for you and your OH to have fights like that, especially once you have a child. You'll be teaching him/her dysfunctional ways of arguing which they'll continue in their adult life plus scarring the child emotionally and mentally. Having come from a dysfunctional, toxic family myself (where there was and is verbal and emotional abuse, mostly targetted at me since childhood since I'm the family scapegoat), I can't minimise how extremly damaging it is for children to grow up in dysfunction!

1) Get your OH to agree to some counselling and learn healthier ways of arguing/discussing.

2) Live separately and raise this child as a "divorced" couple, but you'd still need to learn healthy ways of talking things out if you think this dysfunctional behavior would continue even if you don't live together.

Either way, things can't continue as are. I hope you and your OH get some help for the sake of your child!