Help! I'm having a last name complex!

MetalMaiden

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To start, i come from a family of all girls and i am pretty sad that my last name is basically going to end here. I am a proud ukrainian girl and i have always felt like its too bad the men dont take the womens names :wacko: i am however pretty traditional and it would make me proud to have dh's last name for me and LO. I feel some anxiety tho about this cuz i feel like my family has "been there" longer than he has aka a lifetime, you know? I am pretty sure LO is a boy (to be confirmed this week) and have thoughts of hyphenating our last names since we're not "officially" married (but 7 years constitutes some sort of marriage in the eyes of the law of course.. we are engaged, maybe i shud be calling him DF) but "df" is ukrainian too so naturally we both have long last names (mine 8 letters, his 10) and i just feel stuck cuz i don't know if thats the right thing to do for future "let teach our kid how to write his name" purposes. it is a mouthful. DF "decided" (because i like 2 middle names) that we can either hyphenate our last names and give him one middle name or take his and give him 2. I just feel upset. what he says make sense but its just hard for me to deal with because i value my family so much :cry: anyone else in the same boat?
 
Hi there! I didn't want to read and run, so here's my bit of advice. When the husband and I conceived this LO, I also thought of hyphenating my name. Fortunately for myself, my last name is a mere 2 letters, and hubby's last name is only 3. We didn't have your problem, but our problem stems from the fact that our last names together would sound horrible! So I abandoned that idea. Similar to you, I am also proud of my family and my heritage. I thought to myself, "I want ppl to know that my son is a part of me, too!" But the more I thought about it, I realized that my side of the family and my love and bond with him will not be lesser or diminished just because LO doesn't have my last name. He will know that he is a part of me, just like how his father is a part of him. Even though your family name may not live on since your parents had all girls, the things that truly matter such as the little quirks, personality traits, physical features, memories, and love, will. As Shakespeare once said, "What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."

I hope I made some semblance of sense, and I hope I helped in some way. :flower:
 
I went through this too actually! I wasn't married with my first two and I am now with someone else. I always knew I wouldn't have the same last name as my kids or all my kids so what I did was I gave them each a middle name that rhymed with mine. Mine is Mai and my kids are Rai, Wai, Jai & this one will be Fai. It was my way of honoring me and my family. The kids love it too so were all connected by our rhyming names :)
 
I was so happy to find this thread but it kind of still left me confused about my own situation...
I have an older child whose last name is hyphenated with my last name and her dads. I also come from a family of girls.
We are getting married soon (new partner) and he would really like me and our baby to have his last name. I feel that if the new baby and I take his last name where will that leave my first child?? With two last names neither of which I share.
I suggested that I keep my last name and the new kid has his...but as I wrote that it looked like I have no loyalty to the new kid haha oh help!!
 
I gave my daughter my maiden name as her first name (not sure if this would work for you) but also feel this with my middle name. My mother is one of 5 girls, my grandfather never had a son. My middle name is my mother's maiden name. I was the last to carry my grandfathers name. When I marries I dropped my middle name and moved my last name there. I sincerely regret it and am changing it!

In regards to the hyphens, that's a lot of letters (I'm a primary teacher) but I think your name definitely needs to be a part of your son.
 
I felt disappointed that my family surname would end with me changing my name when I got married (it wouldnt have been suitable to hyphenate) so to honour my side of the family we gave ds my fathers name as his middle name. Our next child will also have a family name as part of his/her name.

I have a good friend who has done what pp said and given her maiden name to her child as their middle name, but I know that doesn't work with all names.

I hope you can figure out a solution :)
 
My older brother and I have our mothers maiden name and younger brother has his fathers name. My older brother and I hated that we were different from both of our parents, my mom took her new husbands last name, so this was a major deciding factor when naming my son. I wanted to name him Scanlan for my mother family, and my older brother can not carry the name on since he is unable to have children, but I did not want him to have a different name if I married a different guy later on in life. John will always have the same last name as his dad :) It was a hard decision for me, and I cried a lot over it, but I do not regret it! :)
 
theres actually a scottish tradition (from what i've been told by a scottish collegue) where the mothers maiden name is used as a middle name for the first born son if the mother only has sisters. this way the mothers name is still carried on as a family name.
it then allowed the first born son to choose which name he went by later on in life depending on family issues/reputation etc. for example if his father turn out to be a violent drunk he could easily drop his surname and use his middle name (mothers maiden name) as his family name.
perhaps this is an idea, drop one of the middle names and replace it with your surname but use it as a middle name and not a hyphenated surname.
 
I've thought about using my last name as a middle name but it's kind of complicated and it doesn't sound like a middle name at all :( i think I am procrastinating marriage too for the fear of letting go of my last name. I really appreciate what u said MrsGee about the Shakespeare quote, that was a very thoughtful post. All have been thus far and I thank u all
 
I am in the similar situation. I have 3 sisters, who are already married and took on husbands name. I am trying to get pregnant at this time, and if I have a baby, he or she will get my name-babies fathers name.

I will never change my name, no matter what, tradition or not;0))I am the last carrier of that name, and I have to keep it alive;0))))))) ( btw, I am Slovakian, so we also take on husbands names)
 
well our LO can have dh's last name lol.. It's a girl!!

that's the kind of stress i get for talking myself into thinking boy when i thought girl first tri... lesson learned! thanks for the support. Poor thing... now she's going to have to have MY middle name as at least one of hers... only I will be nice and spell it different and give her another so she won't have to divulge it if DH complies haha.
 
To start, i come from a family of all girls and i am pretty sad that my last name is basically going to end here. I am a proud ukrainian girl and i have always felt like its too bad the men dont take the womens names :wacko: i am however pretty traditional and it would make me proud to have dh's last name for me and LO. I feel some anxiety tho about this cuz i feel like my family has "been there" longer than he has aka a lifetime, you know? I am pretty sure LO is a boy (to be confirmed this week) and have thoughts of hyphenating our last names since we're not "officially" married (but 7 years constitutes some sort of marriage in the eyes of the law of course.. we are engaged, maybe i shud be calling him DF) but "df" is ukrainian too so naturally we both have long last names (mine 8 letters, his 10) and i just feel stuck cuz i don't know if thats the right thing to do for future "let teach our kid how to write his name" purposes. it is a mouthful. DF "decided" (because i like 2 middle names) that we can either hyphenate our last names and give him one middle name or take his and give him 2. I just feel upset. what he says make sense but its just hard for me to deal with because i value my family so much :cry: anyone else in the same boat?

Well hopefully I can make you feel better, my name is Kelly and in Februay I'm marrying my dream man whose surname is .......Kelly!
To make it worse (if that is possible) my middle name is Rebecca ...
So I will be Kelly R Kelly.
Not taking his name just isn't a option for me... I love the traditional aspect of it.
 
To start, i come from a family of all girls and i am pretty sad that my last name is basically going to end here. I am a proud ukrainian girl and i have always felt like its too bad the men dont take the womens names :wacko: i am however pretty traditional and it would make me proud to have dh's last name for me and LO. I feel some anxiety tho about this cuz i feel like my family has "been there" longer than he has aka a lifetime, you know? I am pretty sure LO is a boy (to be confirmed this week) and have thoughts of hyphenating our last names since we're not "officially" married (but 7 years constitutes some sort of marriage in the eyes of the law of course.. we are engaged, maybe i shud be calling him DF) but "df" is ukrainian too so naturally we both have long last names (mine 8 letters, his 10) and i just feel stuck cuz i don't know if thats the right thing to do for future "let teach our kid how to write his name" purposes. it is a mouthful. DF "decided" (because i like 2 middle names) that we can either hyphenate our last names and give him one middle name or take his and give him 2. I just feel upset. what he says make sense but its just hard for me to deal with because i value my family so much :cry: anyone else in the same boat?

Well hopefully I can make you feel better, my name is Kelly and in Februay I'm marrying my dream man whose surname is .......Kelly!
To make it worse (if that is possible) my middle name is Rebecca ...
So I will be Kelly R Kelly.
Not taking his name just isn't a option for me... I love the traditional aspect of it.

Wow that's one in a million! :dohh: oh the things we do for love!! :flower:
 

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