Help! I'm struggling!

[_Hope_]

My twins are now 10 weeks old and I just can't seem to get into a routine no matter how hard I try. They are both feeding and sleeping randomly and I am sooooooooo exhausted and feeling pretty desperate at the moment. I feel like I am just not doing anything right and have nowhere to turn! It's like I'm slipping into a black hole and can't get out. I really don't want these precious times to be taken up with stress and frustration like they have been these past couple of weeks. Noah and Heidi seem quite happy with life, it's just me that feels inadequate! I read posts on here from mums with twins and you all sound so settled and 'good at it' and wondered if you would mind giving me some suggestions PLEASE x

 

[chetnaz]

Aaah hun i totally sympathise with you! I'm going thru exactly the same thing - I am definately NOT one of the mums that has settled into it and is good at it! My boys feed randomly, sleep all day, when they are awake they just cry constantly unless I stick my boob in their mouth or rock them to sleep again! So all they seem to do is eat and sleep. They seem to have no awake time where they are just quiet and looking around or taking things in. They're not interested in any of the toys i've got for them (I know theyre still young but my eldest used to stare at the colours and shapes of the toys and still take an interest by this age). At night I put them into their cot in their bouncers as Im so scared that if they dont feel the vibration of the bouncers theyll wake up more. To get them to sleep I gotta rock them in the bouncers as they scream if I dont! Today I went and spent £55 on a baby swing judt so that i can put them in it when they are awake so i can get on with eating/cooking/cleaning/going to the loo - without them screaming! I've literally kidnapped my mum and she stays with me most days to help as I just dont feel I can cope on my own. When she first left me alone with them I nearly had a panic attack. So I totally know how you feel and I will follow this thread to see if anyone else has some good tips for you (and me) cos I'm sure all i've managed to do is depress you even further! Dunno how the other twins mums do it - they must be supermum and I totally admire them - I feel like a failure x

 

[auntcarrie]

Oh, it's so hard - I know I'm not one of those supermums... And at 10 weeks, the sleeping can be all over the place. The one thing I did control at that age was their feeding schedule. We fed them every 3 hours, round the clock, until we started dropping bottles and increased to every 4 hours during the night, then 5... At least you'd have the feeding thing down. The sleep - I think you can start tracking their daily sleeping schedules around 3 months of age.

I started tracking at 3 months because I knew they'd be going to day care at 4 months and I wanted to give them a rough "schedule." At that age I also did what I could to get them on the same sleep schedule... up for the 6am bottle, then some play time, then when they were both tired I'd put them down. After a week or so, a pattern emerged.

I also subscribe to the Babywise/Baby Whisperer idea of sleep-eat-play(repeat). We did that from the start, when we could. We worked hard to make sure they didn't associate sleep with the bottle, so they'd fall asleep on their own, not just when eating. Of course, they had their own ideas a lot of the time, but for the most part it worked.

I know how hard it is, the sleep deprivation can make you feel desperate sometimes. I'm still having sleep issues with my girls at 6 months (but I've checked - I'm one of the few! So hopefully you won't have them!) and the nights when I'm "on duty" (instead of my husband) and the girls are up half the night (like 2 nights ago, ugh) -- I feel it the next day. I'm extra emotional and just plain exhausted. Not a great outlook on life when you've only gotten 4 hours of sleep.

Having said it did get easier after 4 months (and again at 6 months, when we dropped the 11pm bottle and now my husband and I each take rotating nights... being able to sleep every OTHER night is heaven right now). The schedule thing - just keep working on it - a pattern will hopefully lay itself out! Hang in there.

 

[lizziedripping]

hi hun, can you PM me a typical daily schedule for you and bubbas, and I'll see if I can help x

Aunt Carrie, haven't forgotten you hun - just trying to find a moment to ssit down and type x

 

[_Vicky_]

oohh just hang in there it will come together - 10 weeks I think is the time when I felt most awful. It kind of got sane for me when the boys were abotu 15 weeks I think.

For me the key was persistance - i only bathed them once a week I think as I just couldnt fit it in. I worked out the essentials in life and everything else didnt matter. Everything I do then and now is about prioritisation - do the essential first and work down from there.

We didnt go out much at all and when we did it took three hours to prepare and ensure it was the right time of day.

I have been going it alone when OH is at work from day 1 as my family arent close at all.

My boys started sleeping through at 16 weeks. I remember thinking 'we dont do enough' I cant think of any activities I can do with them and the only thing they loved was the TV (more specifically jeremy kyle) which made me feel a total failure!!!!!!

I had breast surgery when they were nine weeks old too so I couldnt even pick them up for a week or so (mum stayed with me then)

Ohhhh gosh the memory of all that 'black holeness' is making me cry!!!

Seriously hang on in there - you WILL be typing to another twin mum in a few months telling them it will get better - I PROMISE. Vineyard on here is a few months ahead of me and was always telling me HANG IN IT GETS BETTER - and voila it does!!

Big hugs girlies take each hour at a time xxx

 

[ladypotter]

I am going crazy right now too. The girls are typically on a 3-4 hour eating cycle (not really what I would call a schedule - because it changes day to day), but pretty regular, but the last couple weeks, they have become VERY needy and want to be held A LOT!! Making it VERY hard for me to get anything done. I have just come to the realization that everything else will have to wait. Today though it has been rough because I actually have a job interview tomorrow and I have been TRYING to get ready for it. 11 weeks of not caring about how I look has made a BIG job for me to get cleaned up for tomorrow!! haha..YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!

 

[vineyard]

The book babywise saved my life. I followed it almost exact and I swear that's what did it for us.

I promise, things will fall into place and you will soon feel like a pro!!! Message if you need!!

 

[TwoBumps]

My boys started sleeping through at 16 weeks. I remember thinking 'we dont do enough' I cant think of any activities I can do with them and the only thing they loved was the TV (more specifically jeremy kyle) which made me feel a total failure!!!!!!

Ha ha this made me laugh! I remember feeling exactly the same as my boys love Jeremy Kyle!!

I don't think there are any supermums on here, every baby is different and where some of us struggle with some things, others struggle with other things.

I had it slightly easier than a lot of you as by the time my boys came home at 8 weeks the nurses had them in a great "routine". I say "routine" because although they fed every four hours throughout the day and night, and slept between their night feeds (10pm - 2am - 6am) in the day they would sleep whenever, and rarely at the same time!

Our routine came together slowly. The first thing was dropping the night feed and sleeping through the night - probably at about 3/4 months ish (although I can't remember exactly & it wasn't every night & Ben was much better at it than Joshua!). Then about 5/6 months things improved again when we started weaning. At about 7 months we finally got into a proper routine with proper sleep times and play times etc.

The only thing I really did was make sure that their feed times stayed together, (otherwise I would have been constantly feeding), and bath, bottle bed at bed time! Just keep doing what you are doing and they will settle into their own routine x

 

[_Hope_]

Thank you all so much for ALL your replies, now I feel less of a failure. Maybe I was expecting too much of myself and bubbas! At least now having read all your replies I don't feel I have to beat myself up for not being 'supermum' and I can totally identify with each and every one of you! It really has took a huge weight of my mind and today I felt much more relaxed about everything.

I took Noah and Heidi to be weighed today, Noah is now 10lb 5oz and Heidi is 8lb 13oz! They are doing wonderfully so I suppose I am doing something right, I just need more structure to our days and nights.

Aaah hun i totally sympathise with you! I'm going thru exactly the same thing - I am definately NOT one of the mums that has settled into it and is good at it! My boys feed randomly, sleep all day, when they are awake they just cry constantly unless I stick my boob in their mouth or rock them to sleep again! So all they seem to do is eat and sleep. They seem to have no awake time where they are just quiet and looking around or taking things in. They're not interested in any of the toys i've got for them (I know theyre still young but my eldest used to stare at the colours and shapes of the toys and still take an interest by this age). At night I put them into their cot in their bouncers as Im so scared that if they dont feel the vibration of the bouncers theyll wake up more. To get them to sleep I gotta rock them in the bouncers as they scream if I dont! Today I went and spent £55 on a baby swing judt so that i can put them in it when they are awake so i can get on with eating/cooking/cleaning/going to the loo - without them screaming! I've literally kidnapped my mum and she stays with me most days to help as I just dont feel I can cope on my own. When she first left me alone with them I nearly had a panic attack. So I totally know how you feel and I will follow this thread to see if anyone else has some good tips for you (and me) cos I'm sure all i've managed to do is depress you even further! Dunno how the other twins mums do it - they must be supermum and I totally admire them - I feel like a failure x

Aw hun, sounds pretty much like my life at the moment. It's lovely that your mum is there for you though, I lost my mum when I was 20 and miss her terribly, even more so now! I hope things get better for you too, like the lovely ladies have said in their replies - we just have to hang in there!! x

hi hun, can you PM me a typical daily schedule for you and bubbas, and I'll see if I can help x

Thank you so much, will sent you a pm shortly x

I am going crazy right now too. The girls are typically on a 3-4 hour eating cycle (not really what I would call a schedule - because it changes day to day), but pretty regular, but the last couple weeks, they have become VERY needy and want to be held A LOT!! Making it VERY hard for me to get anything done. I have just come to the realization that everything else will have to wait. Today though it has been rough because I actually have a job interview tomorrow and I have been TRYING to get ready for it. 11 weeks of not caring about how I look has made a BIG job for me to get cleaned up for tomorrow!! haha..YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!

Know exactly what you mean about them being VERY needy, Heidi screams until she is picked up! Good luck with the job interview! x

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Thanks again to all you ladies, you have all helped keep me sane.................for now! xx

 

[Twinminator]

I haven't fully read all the responses, and I don't know if I'm going to say opposite or same to others....
...and without sounding too contraversial...
Once you accept the fact that parenting newborn twins is only 5% magical and 95% nightmare, you will cope much better. The balance does gradually shift towards totally magical, eventually, but the sooner you realise that this is largely just a time to be endured, to keep your nose to the grindstone and to forget any notions of 'calm & control', you will realise that you are doing your best in one of the most, or I'd go as far as to say Thee Most stressful thing you'll ever do. The good news is that the reward for these few months of torturous slavery MAKES EVERY SINGLE SECOND OF EVERY SINGLE MINUTE OF THAT HARDSHIP WORTH DOING 10 TIMES OVER I promise you.
My girls are 18months old now and words cannot describe how much divine joy they give me. Like a tricky labour, once the pain has past you will eventually block it out because of the sheer happiness that follows

 

[_Vicky_]

oohh another thing my mum told me of her days raising babies - she had three under the age of four so not multiples but still a hard slog I would imagine. She said if she got to the end of the day everyone was fed and smiling then her day was a success. Bit hard to judge the 'smiling' with newborns but i understnad the theory - for me it was if I survived the night I was winning lol. Isnt it amazing how you forget the early days sooo quickly x

 

[Twinminator]

Isnt it amazing how you forget the early days sooo quickly x

... there's good reason for that eh Vicky!! If you didn't forget you'd never let 'it' near you again, let alone ttc!!!

 

[_Vicky_]

Isnt it amazing how you forget the early days sooo quickly x

... there's good reason for that eh Vicky!! If you didn't forget you'd never let 'it' near you again, let alone ttc!!!

haha wellll this is definitely it for us but wow how brave are you? Ok ok have you had your scan is it one or two?

(Sorry for the hi-jack xx)

 

[Twinminator]

Despite having a bigger bump now than I did at the same stage in the twin pgy, my 12 week scan showed just the one this time!! As chuffed as I would have been to have had more twins once they got past babydom, I know that going through 'newborn twin mummy' life again, and with twin toddlers to boot, would tip me over the edge well and truly!!!!!!!

 

[Kitty23]

poor you I must admit though I don't think its really possible to have twins and not be in some sort of a routine!

Mines been like this since they came home at 5 weeks

7am- get up feed which ever twin is more grumpy burp them

8am- little nap for 30 mins-1hour

9am-11am play time

11am- feed them again

12 noon- up to cribs for lunchtime nap

(I tidy the house manically and make bottles!)

2.30pm- twins up, play time

3pm - feed them again

4pm-5pm- out walking in the buggy

5pm-6pm- play time

6.30pm- bath time, massage feed then bed

11pm- dream feed ( hoepfully cutting this out soon!

And until 17 weeks it was a feed again at 3am.

I hope this helps a bit, I found the Tracey Hogg book good You do have to persevere (sp) and it will take a little while to get them into a routine and they will probably need more sleep than my two as they are younger xxx

 

[bek74]

poor you I must admit though I don't think its really possible to have twins and not be in some sort of a routine!

Mines been like this since they came home at 5 weeks

7am- get up feed which ever twin is more grumpy burp them

8am- little nap for 30 mins-1hour

9am-11am play time

11am- feed them again

12 noon- up to cribs for lunchtime nap

(I tidy the house manically and make bottles!)

2.30pm- twins up, play time

3pm - feed them again

4pm-5pm- out walking in the buggy

5pm-6pm- play time

6.30pm- bath time, massage feed then bed

11pm- dream feed ( hoepfully cutting this out soon!

And until 17 weeks it was a feed again at 3am.

I hope this helps a bit, I found the Tracey Hogg book good You do have to persevere (sp) and it will take a little while to get them into a routine and they will probably need more sleep than my two as they are younger xxx

You have a great routine. I don't have a daytime routine other than feeding every 4hrs. Mine feed at 6am, 10am, 2pm, 6pm, Dream feed at 10pm and then I let sleep till they wake on their own which is anywhere between 2am-4am.

The only routine I have is 4pm playtime, 5pm baths then 6pm bottles 6:30-7pm bedtime, dream feed at 10pm...

 

[Kitty23]

Bek- Looks like you have a great routine to Its all about planning and timing with twins lol! xxx

 

[akcher]

Hang in there, it does get better! I was lucky enough to have my parents stay with me to help me out but I still felt so tired all the time. I was feeding around the clock. But they got better at feeding at around 3 months and now only take 5-10 mins per feed.

 

[julietz]

are you bottle feeding hun or breast?

 

[_Hope_]

Bottle feeding and have done since they were born. Sad to say things aren't getting any better here! I feel close to melt down! x