Help!!! Need Advice Please!!!!! OT

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Third Trimester' started by DueMarch2nd, Dec 21, 2009.

  1. DueMarch2nd

    DueMarch2nd mummy to a little lamb

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2009
    Messages:
    2,963
    Likes Received:
    0
    My husband and I are usually very happy but one thing keeps coming up in our marriage. We quit smoking nearly 2 years ago, well I did. He has claimed to have stopped but had the occassional one a few times but would admit it. Then a few times in the past year I have cuaght him in a lie and it took days to get him to admit that he has been smoking. The last time it happened I was 18 weeks pregnant and said I would not tolerate it ever again as it isnt the smoking, it is the lying, and when I catch him he lies deeper and I am not dumb.

    So I think it is happening again. I always check in our receipts and keep track of how much money we have in our joint account because we dont have much so we have to budget tight. I even check the bank account online every day to be sure it matches my records. I took his credit cards away once when he bought smokes on one and of course swore it was the last time. But he has a debit card obviously. Now 3 times in 10 days the amount £4.39 has shown up and I have had no receipt for it. The place on the statement is Tesco (where he works) so I looked online and saw that Sterling kings are £4.39. That is the brand he smokes when he buys cheap.

    He knows that if he lied to me again about this I would be gone because I cannot live with a liar. Plus he has said that because we will be getting life insurance when LO is born if he says non smoker then they find out after he is dead he smoked, Me and LO would get nothing so he would not risk it. So I just spoke to him on the phone about it and he has all these claims that do not pan out. I cant beleive he would risk us for this because it is clear me and LO are important to him but I am pretty sure I am being lied to again. Not to mention that whenevr I smell smoke he denies it and I know what I smell.

    What can I do? This keeps coming up and he promises so hard he will never lie again and it hurts that much more when he does. It is the only real problem we have and he never lies about anything else. But he clearly won't stop lying about this

    :help:
     
  2. DueMarch2nd

    DueMarch2nd mummy to a little lamb

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2009
    Messages:
    2,963
    Likes Received:
    0
    I dont have the energy to fight for days to drag the truth out of him. Plus christmas is coming up
     
  3. Lil C

    Lil C Mummy!

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2009
    Messages:
    755
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'm not really much help hun as me or hubs don't smoke but from the little I know about addiction I'd say he means what he says but the addiction takes over sometimes? Has he tried hypnotherapy or something like that?
     
  4. suzib76

    suzib76 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 1, 2009
    Messages:
    8,650
    Likes Received:
    0
    in all honesty i think you should go easy on him, it looks like he is only lying becasue of how you are reacting to him smoking

    i know how hard it is to stop smoking, especially during stressful times, and with a little one on the way he may just be feeling a bit anxious - are you able to sit down and talk calmly about it to him, see if you can sort it out? perhaps make a deal that he smokes until after christmas and then gets some proper help to stop?

    my dh is terrible coming off the fags, but this time he stopped a few weeks after me, he got a prescription for patches and gradually came off them over 12 weeks and he found it really easy compared with any ohter time he has tried
     
  5. DueMarch2nd

    DueMarch2nd mummy to a little lamb

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2009
    Messages:
    2,963
    Likes Received:
    0
    It cant be addiction after he's been down to only a few a week for 2 years. But it isnt the smoking, whenever he admitted to smoking i was calm, it is the lying I cant stand. if i would have phoned him today and he said yes I have been smoking i am sorry, i would be upset that he had been lying but glad that he told the truth once confronted.
     
  6. DueMarch2nd

    DueMarch2nd mummy to a little lamb

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2009
    Messages:
    2,963
    Likes Received:
    0
    I cant have a calm convo about it when he is denying that he has smoked.
     
  7. Squidge

    Squidge Mummy & WTT <3

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2008
    Messages:
    11,685
    Likes Received:
    0
    First of all, big :hugs:

    Secondly....i can definitely understand where your coming from. My OH's been attempting to stop smoking since June 08 and so far, he's not done it. I'm slightly annoyed with him but i know it's a hard thing to do. However, that doesn't justify him lying to you about it.

    Have you tried the no smoking classes with him? Maybe he feels as though he's a big failure hence why he's lying about it? My OH has asked for my help/support with it and i've told him i'll do all i can.

    Before saying you'll leave etc maybe you should just ask him WHY he's fibbing, why can't he just be honest? Why is he saying he's quit when he's not?

    Hope you get answers :hugs:
     
  8. Lil C

    Lil C Mummy!

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2009
    Messages:
    755
    Likes Received:
    0
    That would get to me too. He's maybe not seeing it as a lie as it's only a few a week? Maybe sit him down and make sure he knows how much he's upsetting you by not telling u? Hope u get him sorted soon x x
     
  9. DueMarch2nd

    DueMarch2nd mummy to a little lamb

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2009
    Messages:
    2,963
    Likes Received:
    0
    He has said in the past he lies because he doesnt wanna disappoint me but he knows that I cry for days because the betrayal. No one in there right mind would cry over someone smoking, he knows because i have made it clear mistakes are made and ok but lying is not ok
     
  10. lottie_2007

    lottie_2007 Mummy of 3!!

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2009
    Messages:
    4,968
    Likes Received:
    0
    I think this is really difficult, i don't and have never smoked myself but my DH does! He doesn't smoke in the house or car (around me) so its only really at work or social but i know he doesn't want to quit! He enjoys smoking and forcing someone to do something they don't want to do causes too many problems! I would maybe sit him down and tell him how you feel and maybe accept the fact that if he wants to smoke when you are not around then thats his choice! Its really difficult but until he's ready to quit its probably a losing battle. My friend's fiance smokes behind her back and we all know about it, he's a grown man but has to act like a child hiding it from her, i think as long as he's honest with you and respects that you don't like it you'll feel better!
    I'm always hinting to my husband to quit but i wont push it as it doesn't really affect me everyday!
    :hope: I'm not taking sides just try not to get stressed about it, like yu said he loves you and lo vvery much! xx
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice