Help please with 5-year-old's behaviour

[colsy]

5-year-old boy, at school, seemingly happy at school, eats well, healthy, affectionate, academically bright ...

So no concerns there then.

Instead, we are struggling with his behaviour at home (particularly if we have grandparent visitors, or he is tired - but these things make it worse rather than cause it).

I am struggling to give a specific name to the behavioural issues, so I can't do a simple book or internet search. But basically, we are having many, many occasions every day where he will literally just look at one of us and say 'No' if we request he does something. This has thrown us, because at least previously we kind of got some warning, because he'd whine first or tantrum or cry ... but now it's just a point blank 'No' and we're left wondering what on earth to do.

We are also trying to work out what is appropriate behaviour from *us* at this point. For example, if his 2-year-old brother says 'No' to having a bath, then one of us will just pick him up anyway and out him in the bath. But it feels kind of inappropriate to do this to a 5-year-old who suddenly seems very tall (think he might have just had growth spurt!).

We do all the standard star charts and withholding privileges and trying to praise positive behaviour - so don't need help there. Just wondering what else we can do - and even whether this is normal or whether I should be talking to school or somebody. Any ideas?

 

[shanny]

My son does this, he is a happy go lucky sporty boy who behaves well at school ( I asked and do evrytime he has a challenging time at home) but every now and then he is more challenging at home.

So I guess I am saying normal

Sometimes it could be growth hormones maybe

I normally continue with normal discipline procedures and sometimes more food helps too! Not as a reward or bribe cos I think he needs more

Not sure if this helps but my son has these phases

 

[hattiehippo]

I agree it's totally normal behaviour for a 5 yr old boy who's just started school. Mine is just the same. He is pretty angelic at school but we get all the bad behaviour at home instead. And if he is tired, under the weather or showing off then he's a million times worse!

I do sometimes still pick him up physically and move him - if he's sent to his bedroom for his behaviour sometimes he just flat out refuses to go so I will pick him up and take him, or sometimes I've had to lift him under his arms to get him into his classroom in the morning. He just point blank refuses to do what you've asked or told him to do. It does seem to be in phases though like shanny says. So he'll be fine for a week or so then we'll have a week were he argues everything and fights with us about everything he can.

I'm finding immediate consequences work the best rather than anything more long term like a star chart. So if he refuses to help tidy up toys get put in the kitchen cupboard for a short period of time and I've found he really hates not being allowed his favourite TV programme for an evening. But we also do lots of positives about how good he is at school and how well he's doing and he always gets a small amount of pocket money to spend each week. So overall positive for him but I/we don't tolerate refusals or rude behaviour.

 

[Boomerslady]

I do love how thier behaviour changes as they're getting older! I can just picture him crossing his arms saying no!

Ben does this occasionally. My sister did something with him once that seemed to work. I basically just give him an easy option or a hard option of o have to force him, and tell him he's old enough to make a choice now. Say he's refusing to have a bath, I'll say fine 'either have a very quick bath, oll just wash your hair and you can take a toy with you' or 'I'll undress you now, take you into the bathroom, put you in the bath and you're not allowed a toy' I re iterate that one of the 2 options are happening and he has to choice which he'd prefer! 99% of the time it works!!