Help with ex and caffcass.. Please

[babywishes1]

I will let you know the story;

During a relationship with my high school sweatheart when i was 19 we managed to conceive our daughter , things went well for a time but when she was a year old he started to change and he talked about a women from work alot !!! turns out he'd been seeing her ..... we split and things were hard between us for a while we could not agree on his time to see her , her going there ( seeing her ) etc after a few month the visits stopped due a heated agrument about buying her first shoes of alll things and was told by his new girlfriend to Get off my arse and get a job to provide even though i was at work while having the conversation and all visitation stopped i didn't call and neither did he....

A year on i met a new partner and my little girl fell in love with him ( big style ) after 6 months she started to call him dad and they have not been apart since , we went on to have a daughter of our own and he treated both the same if not my eldest better ..

 

[babywishes1]

continued.....

after getting married and living together for 6 years sadley our marrage broke down but we have stayed friends and united regarding the3 kids and my eldest still visiting him calling him Dad and now aged 9..

Upon hearing this her biological dad descided he wants now to see her and with this i have had to tell her the truth about her DAD / Dads aqnd is taking me to court even though she has expressed clearly she is not ready yet !! yet being the word and i now have a appointment with the court for a report on the situation , i am worried that he will get accsess and my daughter will be heart broken!!!

Sorry to rant but does anyone have a similar experience ????

Just to add my daughter has been diagnosed with a heart condition and is currently rcving treatment under birmingham hospital and i dont think she needs the stress.

Please help i need you girls !! I'd like to add i did and do what i think is best for my children right or wrong it's hard to know ..... I hope it wont bite me in the ase x

 

[louise1302]

i would go and see a solicitor its not in her best interests at the moment to have any stress placed on her if she has a heart condition, im all for fathers having contact with their kids but hes not bothered for 9 years so waiting a bit longer until shes more able medically to deal with it wont harm him

 

[LucindaE]

Dear Babywishes

Hello, hun. I don't have any experience of this situation, but I saw that people were reading and running, and that can feel bad, so I thought I'd post.

Don't blame yourself; we're all just muddling along trying to do the best we can in the circumstances in which we find ourselves, and it is never easy to know what is the right thing.

I fully agree with Louise1302. As your daughter has a heart condition, her natural father can wait a little for access.

Best Wishes and hope your daughter is better soon.

LucindaE

XXX

 

[ChloesMummy]

I dont have any experience hun, but I would suggest going to a solicitor and I would imagine your little girls conditio will be taken into account as well as the fact she does not feel ready yet. I hope it all works out for you and your daughter x

 

[lauren-kate]

I think a court would want what is in the child's best interest. As she has said that she is not ready yet, I think that they would respect her decision.

 

[Minstermind]

Agreed with the others. Speak with a solicitor and push the issue of her A) having a heart condition and B) saying she is not ready for that at this point in time. Surely both of those things count heavily in her favor as courts generally decide based on what is best for the child.

It's pretty deplorable that biological father only now decided to step in after learning she has another dad. It speaks volumes about his motivations and his lack of interest for 9 years isn't going to look too good to the courts as well.

Sure it's nice for biological fathers to be interested, but only if it's for the right reasons and not selfish reasons! Anyway, as the child comes first, and she's not ready and stressed about it, and has already enjoyed the love and benefit of having a dad in her life, so doesn't seem to be missing that at this point in time, I really hope for her sake that the court takes her feelings into consideration.

I can't relate exactly to your situation but am in a similar type of situation myself. My ex is my son's biological father and has had no interest in him at all....my son knows of him alright but is very happy and settled with my husband now, and calls him dad and we are a family unit here. While I am generally supportive of biological father's rights, I do think there are some situations where the biological father really showed himself to be nothing more than a sperm donor, and I really do think the courts should take his lack of interest and communication for so many years into consideration. If he suddenly had an epiphany in his life and became a better person and wanted to establish contact for the ''right reasons'', then it would be different and I could see the chance for small steps at a time regarding communication. But I certainly wouldn't agree with just automatically handing over visitation rights and everything else in those situations. Not appropriate and not in the child's best interest. Small steps if anything.

Shame on that girlfriend for telling you off on the phone. Wtf? Hope you gave her a piece of your mind. Anyway, best of luck with it

 

[Bingo]

What a p***k. A father cannot just walk out of a child's life for years and expect to walk straight back in when it suits him. I hope everything works out and that the court listens to your daughter. She will probably decide she's ready to see him at some point and that will be hard for you but right now the choice is not his, it's your daughters and yours.

 

[Lu28]

I don't have any experience of this personally, just through work (I'm a family solicitor). Please do go and speak to a solicitor so that you can get the advice you need to go forward. The CAFCASS officer will speak to you, the biological father and your daughter. What they will be trying to assess, among other things, is the reasons behind your daughter's refusal to see him and is it a genuine refusal or is she trying her best not to hurt you and who she sees as her real dad. All of this is very important but her health absolutely must come first and you need to explain this to a solicitor and the CAFCASS officer. Good luck