Here I am again but not so happy this time...

[ruthb]

Well got a BFP today after being two days late, I really can't believe it. My partner and I had sex just once over two weeks ago, he was drunk and didnt pull out, i was still tracking my cycle and being 5 days before ovulation i thought chances were pretty slim, also i planned to get the morning after pill but that went down the pan when my son was up most of the night so i slept all the next day! I remember being so extatic when I got pregnant with my first but all I've done is cry since finding out, I know there's people who struggle for years to get pregnant and I should count myself lucky but it's just not what I planned for.

Basically my partner is older than me, he wanted kids soon but i was still at uni and wanted to get a good job first. We decided to have one (my now 10 month old son) and then i would finish my degree get the job i wanted then after a few years have a second. Now it looks like I won't be able to finish this year at uni (I study chemistry so can't do the lab aspect of my course), won't be able to start any of the dream jobs I've been applying for as they all start in September which is when baby will be due. We are already struggling financially and I wonder how long it will be before I can work again, I don't think I'd be able to get a job good enough to cover the cost of putting two children in childcare. Oh and my sister is getting married in september abroad meaning I won't be able to go and we've already booked up (cost nearly 4k!!) My head is a mess. I haven't told my partner yet and feel so angry at him right now, although it's my fault as well and I know pull out method isn't fool proof but how could he be so stupid. It doesn't help that I already feel that he doesn't do enough for my son (always me who baths him, puts him to bed etc) and we've had a lot of arguments about this and him going out too much. Sorry for the rant I'm trying to see the positive side of things but just so hard at the minute.

 

[jac4315]

All I can say is I've figured out everything happens for a reason. No baby is a mistake but just a surprise to us sometimes. Ours was. Now we were planning on trying a few months from now but our house isn't finished so we are living with his parents. We wanted to wait...but, surprise! We are very excited though.
Hang in there, I'm sure the joy will come with the first US and if not I'm sure it will eventually. Also, my grandma always told me that if you wait to have children until everything is set in place, it will never happen. This is also coming from generations of house wives in my family though. Everything will work out for the best and just make sure you are open with your husband about your feelings , I've found this works best for us so that there is no "secrets brewing" between us. Good luck!
Hope this helps, if not, ignore it. As this is my first child

 

[mamaofthree]

I'm sorry sweatheat! Tentative congrats; No advice, but this is me with my current (6th) pregnancy. Total shock, awful timing and just once 7 days before O. I'm slowly getting used to the idea, but my OH is struggling a little. Things do have a wonderful way of working out somehow though so bear with this. Thinking of you xx

 

[bcos21]

After the birth of our first child in 2013 we struggled. I mean dh and I were not just on opposite teams, we were in alternate universes. We were looking for counseling and all I could think about was how I was going to go back to school get my masters, find a new job and get the hell out of this marriage. Well when I found out I was pregnant I was excited because I wanted another baby but I also felt a little sick because that meant with another baby, all of my plans were wrecked. But then we lost the baby and I had a d&c at almost 9weeks. We were both just devastated and then things changed. That little baby altered things so much, in ways I couldn't imagine and for the best. What I mean to say with this post is let yourself feel what you need to and then embrace the unknown. Your plans might change in better ways than you can imagine and your partner may surprise you. Sometimes it's a case or can't see the forest for the trees. You'll get there

 

[ruthb]

All I can say is I've figured out everything happens for a reason. No baby is a mistake but just a surprise to us sometimes. Ours was. Now we were planning on trying a few months from now but our house isn't finished so we are living with his parents. We wanted to wait...but, surprise! We are very excited though.
Hang in there, I'm sure the joy will come with the first US and if not I'm sure it will eventually. Also, my grandma always told me that if you wait to have children until everything is set in place, it will never happen. This is also coming from generations of house wives in my family though. Everything will work out for the best and just make sure you are open with your husband about your feelings , I've found this works best for us so that there is no "secrets brewing" between us. Good luck!
Hope this helps, if not, ignore it. As this is my first child

Thanks for your reply and congratulations, first pregnancy is such an exciting and nerve wracking time! I am also a big believer in things happening for a reason, however the timing for this just seems to be awful! I think your grandma is right which is why we compromised with having one whilst I was at university and putting off more till later on in life! Thanks for your advice I agree we are generally very open with other we just don't see eye to eye a lot. Don't get me wrong he is a very good partner and father I just get a bit fed up sometimes as I think he considers my university work as not important. And don't worry about your house, we were in the same boat with our first as the house we bought needed completely refusbishing. Don't think we got the nursery finished till my son was about 3 months old! Didn't matter as they spend the first few months in your room, I see so many people post pictures of the baby's cot all prepared and ready when they're 6 months pregnant when in reality it just sits and gathers dust for the next 6 months or so!

 

[ruthb]

I'm sorry sweatheat! Tentative congrats; No advice, but this is me with my current (6th) pregnancy. Total shock, awful timing and just once 7 days before O. I'm slowly getting used to the idea, but my OH is struggling a little. Things do have a wonderful way of working out somehow though so bear with this. Thinking of you xx

Thanks for your reply and kind words, and oh my god 7 days!! Must be popeye sperm fuelled by spinach! Best of luck to you! Xx

 

[kittylady]

Hi we're having a hard time too. This will be our third, we weren't trying I am doing my degree through distance learning and I am having to repeat a year due to my last pregnancy causing SPD and pregnancy-induced carpal tunnel syndrome. I will now have to do my hardest year with a 4 year old a 2 year old and a baby (2016/17). I'm doing family law and human biology at the moment.

We have only told very few people as there's a lot going on at the moment and it will only make them more stressed. We may be moving house this summer and my husband's got a possible promotion lined up in the summer which may be hampered by paternity leave, he can't take any holiday in August and baby's due 22nd so I'll be roping in help from the parents. My husband is also older in age though not always in maturity

It seems like I'm never going to finish this degree but I have to so I'm muddling through. I hope you can sort things out.

 

[ruthb]

After the birth of our first child in 2013 we struggled. I mean dh and I were not just on opposite teams, we were in alternate universes. We were looking for counseling and all I could think about was how I was going to go back to school get my masters, find a new job and get the hell out of this marriage. Well when I found out I was pregnant I was excited because I wanted another baby but I also felt a little sick because that meant with another baby, all of my plans were wrecked. But then we lost the baby and I had a d&c at almost 9weeks. We were both just devastated and then things changed. That little baby altered things so much, in ways I couldn't imagine and for the best. What I mean to say with this post is let yourself feel what you need to and then embrace the unknown. Your plans might change in better ways than you can imagine and your partner may surprise you. Sometimes it's a case or can't see the forest for the trees. You'll get there

Thanks for your reply and I am sorry for your loss. Did you and your partner work things out? I think it will just take a while to fully sink in, I'm going to continue with job interview which will be weird but I guess the chance of miscarrying is relatively high and even though I may not have wanted this pregnancy the thought of that happening horrifies me! I told my partner and it actually went really well, he owned up to not doing enough and admitted he still had some growing up to do.


Hopefully we should be able to cancel the mexico holiday and only lose the deposit, and were going to book another one for may/june so we can have our first family hol! Sucks that Ill miss my sisters wedding, espcially as all my family will be there so no one will be around when baby is born (unless im early), also i was meant to be bridesmaid!

 

[lilmisscaviar]

I can understand your story completely. I was shocked when I became pregnant with my DS. We had planned to eventually have another baby but not for at least a year or two. We had just moved in our new house a couple months previously and our DD was only 3-4 months old when I got my BFP. To top off the surprise, I was on BC! I had just started the pill and DH had an accident. I thought I was safe, I thought I had been on it long enough that it would prevent me from ovulating. It was a hard pregnancy, I think because I wasn't quite mentally prepared for it. I would have to quit my job and put my career options on hold in order to become a full time mom to 2 under 2. I just wanted to get it over with. We found out DS had a rare birth defect in his 11th week of gestation and he had to undergo surgery when he was 4 months old. I tell you that I had never been so nervous in my life. I cried and prayed the entire time he was back in surgery. Thankfully everything went well and I held him in the recovery room, shedding tears for a son that I didn't plan for, that I never became attached to while I was pregnant. Now I could never imagine my life without him. Everything I went through all came together in the end and he is the light of my life.

 

[Septie]

I just wanted to add that all these things may seem important right now - but in the long run, finishing the degree a bit later and starting the job a bit later, won't really matter at all. It really won't!! While a brother or sister close in age will be wonderful for your son.
And to be perfectly honest - to have unprotected intercourse with ovulation coming up within the viability range of the sperm (and uncertainty of exact timing of ovulation!)...a baby is really quite likely for a young couple without fertility problems!

 

[minties]

Number 3 here, and we aren't happy either. Just wanted to sympathise.

 

[bcos21]

After the birth of our first child in 2013 we struggled. I mean dh and I were not just on opposite teams, we were in alternate universes. We were looking for counseling and all I could think about was how I was going to go back to school get my masters, find a new job and get the hell out of this marriage. Well when I found out I was pregnant I was excited because I wanted another baby but I also felt a little sick because that meant with another baby, all of my plans were wrecked. But then we lost the baby and I had a d&c at almost 9weeks. We were both just devastated and then things changed. That little baby altered things so much, in ways I couldn't imagine and for the best. What I mean to say with this post is let yourself feel what you need to and then embrace the unknown. Your plans might change in better ways than you can imagine and your partner may surprise you. Sometimes it's a case or can't see the forest for the trees. You'll get there

Thanks for your reply and I am sorry for your loss. Did you and your partner work things out? I think it will just take a while to fully sink in, I'm going to continue with job interview which will be weird but I guess the chance of miscarrying is relatively high and even though I may not have wanted this pregnancy the thought of that happening horrifies me! I told my partner and it actually went really well, he owned up to not doing enough and admitted he still had some growing up to do.


Hopefully we should be able to cancel the mexico holiday and only lose the deposit, and were going to book another one for may/june so we can have our first family hol! Sucks that Ill miss my sisters wedding, espcially as all my family will be there so no one will be around when baby is born (unless im early), also i was meant to be bridesmaid!

Honestly, the only good thing to come out of this is that I'm not in the edge anymore. I don't know what happened but I no longer walk around chanting divorce in my head, If that makes sense? If I were in your position I agree with your thoughts, I'd keep moving forward as planned and deal with things as they happen. Interview for jobs you never know what could happen. I hope you are able to find peace soon

 

[ruthb]

Hi we're having a hard time too. This will be our third, we weren't trying I am doing my degree through distance learning and I am having to repeat a year due to my last pregnancy causing SPD and pregnancy-induced carpal tunnel syndrome. I will now have to do my hardest year with a 4 year old a 2 year old and a baby (2016/17). I'm doing family law and human biology at the moment.

We have only told very few people as there's a lot going on at the moment and it will only make them more stressed. We may be moving house this summer and my husband's got a possible promotion lined up in the summer which may be hampered by paternity leave, he can't take any holiday in August and baby's due 22nd so I'll be roping in help from the parents. My husband is also older in age though not always in maturity

It seems like I'm never going to finish this degree but I have to so I'm muddling through. I hope you can sort things out.

Oh wow I do not envy you at all, I find it tough to get any work done with just my 10 month old! Yours sounds like a very tough degree indeed! I am in to my 5th year of a 3 year course, although I did a placement year aswell. What are your plans for after you graduate?

Hah we sound like we are in similar situations, there's a lot going on in my family at the moment my dad's wife has left him and he's lost his jobs meaning he's facing repossession of his two houses. He's obviously a bit miserable and not really dealing with the situation I'm trying my best to help him but only so much I can do, luckily we have a 4 bed house so at least he will be able to live with us if worst comes to worst (maybe he can be my nanny while I go work!) But anyways not looking forward to announcing this time, may even keep It hush hush till 20 weeks.

Well I wish you the best of luck and I hope you get lots of support when baby #3 arrives!

 

[ruthb]

I can understand your story completely. I was shocked when I became pregnant with my DS. We had planned to eventually have another baby but not for at least a year or two. We had just moved in our new house a couple months previously and our DD was only 3-4 months old when I got my BFP. To top off the surprise, I was on BC! I had just started the pill and DH had an accident. I thought I was safe, I thought I had been on it long enough that it would prevent me from ovulating. It was a hard pregnancy, I think because I wasn't quite mentally prepared for it. I would have to quit my job and put my career options on hold in order to become a full time mom to 2 under 2. I just wanted to get it over with. We found out DS had a rare birth defect in his 11th week of gestation and he had to undergo surgery when he was 4 months old. I tell you that I had never been so nervous in my life. I cried and prayed the entire time he was back in surgery. Thankfully everything went well and I held him in the recovery room, shedding tears for a son that I didn't plan for, that I never became attached to while I was pregnant. Now I could never imagine my life without him. Everything I went through all came together in the end and he is the light of my life.

Thanks so much for sharing your story it has honestly just made me cry! (Now I'm getting funny looks on the train I'm on). I am so glad your son's surgery went well and things worked out. I think I feel like you in that I wasn't ready for it and really don't feel that attached, I even forgot I was pregnant today. I had a really tough assessment centre today and all I could think about was the lovely stiff drink I'd have on the train home, it wasn't until I got on the train that I remembered doh! There's a clinic round here that do free early scans from 6 weeks, think I'm going to get one booked in as hopefully it will help this feel more real.

 

[ruthb]

I just wanted to add that all these things may seem important right now - but in the long run, finishing the degree a bit later and starting the job a bit later, won't really matter at all. It really won't!! While a brother or sister close in age will be wonderful for your son.
And to be perfectly honest - to have unprotected intercourse with ovulation coming up within the viability range of the sperm (and uncertainty of exact timing of ovulation!)...a baby is really quite likely for a young couple without fertility problems!

Thanks for your reply. My main worry is is that I'm not a fresh faced graduate, I'm already 25 and by the time I have this baby who knows how long it will be before I get back to work.

Haha yes I know it was a silly thing think I had a false sense of security as when my partner and I were actively ttc we had months where we did it every days 4/5 before and after ovulation (tracked by temping and opks) and nothing.

 

[ruthb]

Just an update. Started cramping yesterday, pink spotting this morning progressed in to red with clots, think that's it? Or is some bleeding normal I don't know... just took a test and barely positive. This whole situation has my head in bits, feel beyond guilty.

 

[bcos21]

Bleeding was never a good thing in my pregnancy you didn't do anything to cause anything, try and not blame yourself. Sending positive thoughts

 

[xforuiholdonx]