He's not sure about another

[Cloberella]

First off I'll start by saying I don't want another baby right now, I'm still traumatised from having my little boy early. But I do want another in a couple of years.

The problem is my partner isn't sure about having another baby. He says we should see what life is like with Gabriel first and he's worried about the financial aspect, about having another early baby, about me being depressed when I'm pregnant again and my SPD. This makes me feel like I did my last pregnancy all wrong.

I know they are all valid concerns but I honestly cannot imagine never having another child. When we planned this baby we said that ideally we would have four kids and I'm finding it hard adjusting to imagining a completely different future to the one I've dreamed of (A noisy house with lots of kids).

And I know it sounds stupid but I kind of want the chance to redeem myself, I need to prove to myself that my body isn't broken and I can carry a baby to full term.

I feel awful for feeling this way because I should be happy with my happy, healthy little boy, its just that all I've ever wanted is to be a mother, and this not knowing whether I will ever have another baby is getting me down.

Does anyone else feel this way?

TIA

 

[immimx]

hey didnt want to read and run... i cant really help much though as i havent had any children yet.
But i have had a m/c and i felt the very strong urge to get pregnant again so i could 'complete' it. i think the body and mind is very powerful and that it is natural that you want to prove you can do it.
hope all goes well for you x

 

[babyb54]

Like immimx I don't have children yet so I can't relate entirely, but I can imagine that what you're feeling is similar in many ways to what many of us waiting for our first are experiencing - and harder because of the added element of wanting to redeem yourself for the difficulty of your first.

So, first. Second, maybe you don't have to accept an entirely different future just yet? You said you don't even want #2 for a couple of years, so maybe just enjoy Gabriel and let yourself and your DH heal from that experience. Maybe after having time to adjust, your DH will be more receptive to talking about #2. If he's anything like my hubs he's not so into discussing things "way" down the road, and can only really say how he's feeling right now. Maybe in a year or so you could bring the subject back up, and then just tell him just what you told us and see how that convo goes. I'm willing to bet it'll be much different from the one you're having now.

Hope all goes well, and congrats on your healthy, happy baby boy!

 

[Housewife83]

Congratulations on your new baby.

It sounds to me like you are being very hard on yourself. You are not broken and you have nothing to prove to anyone. You have nothing to redeem yourself from.

Also you shouldn't feel guilty for wanting another child, it is a perfectly natural and valid emotion.

However I do feel that you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself so soon after the birth of your first child. Your other half is probably feeling pretty shell shocked at the moment and I don't think you can be sure that what he is feeling right now is a deep held or definite opinion. From what you've told us it doesn't sound like he has said definitely no so I see no reason why you shouldn't have that house full of kids.

Be gentle with yourself. You are a wonderful person.

 

[Amarna]

I think you're being too hard on yourself. You did nothing wrong.



You said TTC isn't something you'd want to do immediately anyway, I know it's hard to not think about it but I'd let it rest with the OH for awhile and give him time to adjust to life as a father and to heal a bit as others have suggested.

 

[anniepie]

Hi Cloberella

Congrats on your little one, though I'm sorry it must have been a very difficult time for you- how's your LO doing?

As pp's have said, you're still in the really early stages of getting over a very traumatic event, and your OH is probably just trying to focus on that and concentrate on making sure LO and you are OK. Give yourselves some time, and don't think that he's writing it off. When your little boy is a little bigger and stronger and you've settled into some sort of a routine, you'll both probably start to move on from what you've been through, and be able to focus on the wonderful time with your LO. When things are less raw, they seem easier. Time heals...

Take care x

 

[Cloberella]

Thanks for your replies, it felt good to get it out somewhere

 

[anniepie]

Feel free to let it out here anytime...all the ladies here are great listeners (and mostly frustrated to be WTT!) x

 

[Quartz]

You just need I think to give him time if he wanted four kids before he will again he just needs time to adjust to parenthood and what happened. My OH said straight after she was born he only wanted one and its taken time (two years) but he has finally said he would like another one although we are wtt for another year (for other reasons). A friend of mine also had a traumatic pregnancy with birth with twins and her OH said he could not possibly ever see her go through it again but again he is now ready to try!

 

[odd_socks]

dont be so hard on urself im sure u did nothing wrong with ur pregnancy, nobody gets a manual when it comes to pregnancy and being a parent give it some time im sure ur OH will come round to another LO, maybe when ur more ready for another