Hi all

[carol84]

hi to you all and i am so sorry that we are all on these forums for the same reasons but would also like to add that i am glad i found this site as i feel abit of relief being able to talk about my little boy!! my oh has been very supportive but i also feel that he has just now forgotten about our son!!

all was well with pregnacy but when had 20 week scan my baby which was a boy, who we named Harvey had passed away i was devasted..still am!!

was it something i did? said? i am still waiting for postmortum results to come back,,thats been 5weeks today since Harvey had his postmortum,,did any of you other ladies have this and what did youz find out?

i so now what another baby but havnt had a cycle yet since having him,,the labour went as well as could be expected and after taking tablet he was born only 1 hour later,,,i had to get the placenta removed manually,,would this have done any damage to my body for future pregnancies?

to you all

 

[mhazzab]

hi again - glad you found your way over here

I'm sure your husband hasn't forgotten, maybe he is trying to protect you by not talking about Harvey? I find my hubby doesn't talk about our girls much, but every so often I get a hint he is thinking of them. Sadly, as time goes on, people tend to forget about them, or not talk about them - I feel it's our job to keep their memory alive forever.

I got all my test results back at about 8 weeks. They didn't really tell us much - it was 24 hours between my waters breaking and my daughters being born, my first daughter was born sleeping, as she had been infected with group b step and died, but they couldn't tell me if that caused the premature labour or was a result of her being without waters for 24 hours. My second daughter was born alive but just stayed for a few minutes, she was just too small. So I didn't really get any definitive answer - unfortunately thats quite common and it's going to be scary when I get pregnant again.

it's easier said than done, but don't ever feel guilty - if you could have done anything to save Harvey, you would have.

xxx

 

[Andypanda6570]

I am so deeply sorry for your loss of Harvey I lost my Ava on March 3, 2011 they did take a tissue sample but the cells never grew so i will never really know what happened to her, they say most likely (90%) it was chromosomal . I wish you all the best for tthe future, you need time to heal and please take all the time you need, we never really get through this, it just becomes manageable xoxoxoxooxoxoxxo

 

[kam78]

Hi Hon..

Unfortunatly welcome to this forum, breaks my heart when I read a post from another new mother... I am very greatful and extremely thankful for this site as well ... I honestly don't know what I'd do without the love, support and advice I get from this great group of ladies ...
I am sending you loves, hugs and prayers of comfort as you go thru this journey.. Lil Harvey I'm sure has met up with all our babies, welcomed him with such love and support just as their mommies do ...
My situation was very cut and dry...basic ... My body failed... I failed my Emma.. She was perfect, completely healthy... I was diagnosised with Incompetent Cervix... In other words, a crappy weak cervix that couldn't withheld her weight as she grew.. She at 19.4 weeks contractions started and eventually my water broke.. Doctors kept saying there was no hope and no reason to try to stop labor cuz they believed my body went into labor as a defense mechanism, they thought I had an infection, which after all the testing... All came back perfect... Just my cervix is crap ...
I hope you get all the answers you need and deserve, answers no matter how hard to hear are so much better than none at all ....
Anytime you need anything, there is always someone online and ready to offer a helping. loving hand ...
Big Hugs Sweetie... and hope my Emma finds her way to your Harvey and gives him some lovin's today ... Xoxo

 

[carol84]

thank you all so much for your support, it means alot to me, i think it could be the mans way of dealing with things but wish they would try and understand abit more because as a mother as we all know we feel a connection with our babies the minute we find out we are pregnant,,,we go through the rollercoaster ride from hell in the first 12weeks - sickness, tender breasts, aching all over (all worth it of course) then the worry of hoping eberything is ok at 12 week scan,,,then we start feeling baby move,kick see our tummies getting bigger,,then next minute you know your mourning the loss of the baby you so badly wanted to hold,smell,see their first smile,first word,,how i hate mother nature at times!!

i am so sorry to hear of your loss to kam78...your little emma is adorable and regardless to where she is you will be forever be the proud mummy to such a gorgeous angel!! i so hope all of our babies are together and are getting looked after, just the way we would have looked after our babies

i so hope to hear some results soon i think it will help me a little more in the understanding of WHY

 

[collie_crazy]

Welcome I'm so sorry you had to find us on these terms. I am sorry for your loss of Harvey Its so unfair that we all have to be here.

I think fathers deal with things differently than us mummys do. I think for them they still have to try and be that 'big strong man' and be the shoulder to cry on. And sometimes that can become their coping mechanism - so they dont show their emotion because they are trying to protect us. I certainly get that vibe from my OH. But then he shocked me -- I got a memorial necklace made with my daughters hand and footprints on it and he then asked for one too! His is different to mine but he wears it all the time.

I'm sure your OH is just as upset and scared as you are but I guess they just have different ways of showing it. I think they bond differently too - I dunno - like you said we bond the minute we know they are in there making us sick taking over our every thought but I get the feeling that men bond more when they have the physical baby there, so for babyloss dads I suppose they never get that chance... Hmmmm.

I hope you get some results soon and these can help you look to the future I know its scary - I lost my daughter 9 weeks ago and have just got a positive OPK so will be trying to catch again this cycle - I'm absolutely terrified but that need to be pregnant and have my rainbow is much stronger than the fear.