Hi everyone.

[Embo78]

Hi everyone.

This is my third day of writing this. I just keep deleting it and lurking instead!

I found out on Tuesday that my baby is an incomplete miscarriage. I was supposed to be 9+5 but baby had died at 7 weeks. I saw the heartbeat at 6+5 and had so much hope from that.

I've been spotting brown/pink/red and lost like a grey tissue (tmi) but today nothing. Just cramps. I have to go for a scan tomorrow to see if everything has passed. I suppose then I'll have to decide where to go next. My ideal would be to go down the natural route but I know I'm not mentally strong enough for that. But I'm scared of a d&c.

I've never been through this before. Has anyone got
any advice? My emotions are all over the place. I've gone thru denial, thinking a mistakes been made, extreme sadness, crying constantly, yesterday I was just mad, hating everybody, today I feel extremely depressed. Can't get out of bed. My mil is over to help DF pack up house (we're moving) I can't even bring myself to go down and say hello and I love her to bits.

The only comfort I get is that my baby is with his grandad Peter (who sadly passed away 2 yes ago) I'm just glad my baby isn't alone. I imagine Peter bouncing him up and down on his knee.

Please someone tell me this will get easier. I just feel like I'm not coping.
Sorry for the rant x

 

[debgreasby]

 

[annmc30]

sorry for your loss hun but everything your going through right now is normal and it will get easier dont know how long it will take but it will i had a mmc on the 29th july i was 16+2wks but baby had died 13wks even though id had a scan in the middle of the 13th week i to have days like yours im hoping it gets easier 2 big hugs hun x

 

[LOULOU8888]

hi i remember you from the frist trimester thread as i was in there to up until a week last tues, sadly i found out at my 12 week scan my baby had died at 9 weeks, this is my second miscarriage now and i dont have any children. I am so sorry for your loss i totally understand how you feel, things do get better over time and there is always hope if you want to try again at some point in the future. But that willcome in time if and when you are ready. I think one of the reassuring things is that you come on this site and realise theres lots of ladies all going through the same thing as you all over the country - and the world. So you are not alone, and here is theperfect place to let out your feelings as sometimes as much as our family and friends love us and listen to us unless theyve actually been through the pain of a miscarriage themselves they dont 100% understand. I chose to have a ERPC there and then and im glad i did, i didnt want to come home know the baby was still inside me, for me personally i would have not coped as well and would have dwelled on it and having to go back to hospital. So when i did get home I could start grieving and moving on straight way. Please dont feel scared of D&C - if you have that or a EPRC its a very quick and relative painfree procedure, and the nurses and lovely and understanding. I feel so much happier this week than i did this time last week, and i hope this time next week even better, time is a healer i promise. The weeks will pass and things will get a little easier for you. You have comfort in the knowledge you have a family member up there to look after your little one now and that is a blessing. I didnt have anyone before when i lost my first baby and now i think the pair of them will be up there together playing and looking after eachother. Im sorry about this awful pain you are feeling, i just send my wishes you are healed soon xx

 

[hippylittlej]

I am sorry for your loss.

What you are feeling is very normal, it hurts, it sucks and it is unfair.
I had a natural miscarriage last week the day after I found out the babies heart beat had stopped within two days of my last scan.
I had no choice as my body expelled my baby very quickly, it was painful and really hard to go through. I know if there is a next time I would consider other options if I have a choice. Many ladies here have gone through D&C's and medically managed but you have to make a choice right for you. I can't advise what is best as it is personal choice.

 

[Embo78]

Thanks so much ladies.

I'll make sure we get all options explained tomorrow at the hospital. I have already written down some questions cos I know I'm gonna be a wreck. I'm more upset thinking about all the pregnant women I'm going to see. Wishing it were me.

I just feel so down and lonely and I want my baby more than anything.

 

[hippylittlej]

It will be really hard but you will get through it.
Take care x

 

[ncmommy]

So sorry for your loss. I know at times like these words seem like little comfort but I promise it will get easier. I don't know when that will happen, but it will.

Make sure you look at all your options and chose what is best for you. I have had both a D& C and 2 natural ones and both have their pros and cons and neither is easy to go through.

Just know you are not alone!

 

[kanga]

hi Embo, I'm so sorry for your loss and what you're going through x

Rant away petal, we are all here for you x

 

[irish_rose3]

we're here. The emotions you're going through are normal. It is a tough road to be on, just make sure you take really good care of you.

 

[cloud9]

i'm sorry for your loss and everyone else on here that has suffered a loss its a terrible thing to go through and the emotions that come with it are overwhelming.

i went for a scan at 8 weeks as i was spotting, the the baby had a heartbeat everything was fine and they couldnt find a reason for the spotting. i felt normal and the spotting had stopped after half a day. 4 days after we got married we went for our second scan but sadly there was no heartbeat this time. i decided to go down the medical route as the thought of a d&c scares the hell out of me too.

both times i have chose medical. as you dont know what to expect the first time i was a complete mess in so much pain but its because i started to panic and was sick because i was so nervous which was taking the pain killers out of me but it was over with in a short period of time (everything passed at once and the baby was measured at 14 weeks so it was very intense but it was done after just under 3 hours) this time however as i knew what was coming i could get myself prepared i got myself into the mindset. i got into comfy pjs put on the tv and snuggled up on the bed with my hubby, a heat pack and managed my breathing and relaxed as much as i could. i took whatever pain killers i could get but the nurses were great they kept on top of it and it even gave me a break to have a little snooze for an hour inbetween a set of pills.

its a rough time but one of the nurses told me tomorrow will be better and i will always remember and be thankful for that. it helped me through what was a long day, the baby measured @ 9 weeks and it took just over 10 hours to pass and i needed the full 3 doses of pills this time as opposed to just one last time.

whatever you decide make sure it feels right for you. if you are not sure of the d&c don't get it. i just thought id share my experiences with you i dont think i could be strong enough for the natural route and the medical managed route can take alot longer if the pain is controlled it is alot less invasive and a much safer option than a d&c

to you

 

[reversal]

i'm so sorry for yor loss i remember you from the march mummies thread, I also had an early scan 7.5wks seen the baby with heart beat, however the babies heart stopped beating at 8 and a half weeks, I went for the medical option mc with the tablets and its hard but I felt more incontrol (doesn't make sence) but I knew what was happening with that option and with the d and c I didn't, that was two weeks today and it is getting more bearable, i'm back to work now.

 

[BeautifulD]

Thanks so much ladies.

I'll make sure we get all options explained tomorrow at the hospital. I have already written down some questions cos I know I'm gonna be a wreck. I'm more upset thinking about all the pregnant women I'm going to see. Wishing it were me.

I just feel so down and lonely and I want my baby more than anything.

I'm so so sad for you honey I know how you feel, unfortunately we all do here everything you are feeling is completely natrual, allow yourself to grieve and try not to analise the way you feel too much

 

[tink28]

Embo i am so so sorry im not on 1st tri much so have only just seen this, i know words dont mean much right now but if u need to talk please PM me, my thoughts are with u xx

 

[Embo78]

Thanks tink. I'm so gutted over this but us moving has been a blessing in disguise. I've been so busy and just haven't had the chance to lie down in a ball feeling sorry for myself. Even tho I want to.
I went for my preop today. Go in for surgical management tomorrow. I decided to do this cos I just want it over now. I've been losing lots of different kinds of discharge but never enough to go on a sanitory towel.
I've made a memory box for my baby. Pregnancy tests, scan pic, card that my grandma gave me. We're allgoing to put a little poem or letter in it. This has given me some comfort.
My oh said he wants to keep trying and so do I but I'm absolutely petrified about going thru this again.
We'll see what happens I suppose.
Thanks for all your messages of support girls xx

 

[pinkycat]

I'm rubbish with words but had to come in here and say i'm so sorry to hear your sad news and i will be thinking of you tommorrow xx

 

[Groovychick]

So sorry to hear of your loss hun. Its hard, but we are here to support you.

 

[tink28]

Embo I will be thinking of u tomorrow, i think what u are doing with the memory box is a lovely idea.
I know it feels raw now but time is a great healer and im sure as time goes on u will feel ready to try again, dont give up on your dream as I know good news will come your way soon xx

 

[hippylittlej]

Love and light for tomorrow x