Higher BMI.....nasty Midwife

[WalkerBaby]

Hi everyone, I'm new to this so sorry if I ask lots of questions.

I'm currently sat at home having a blub and wanted to know if anyone else had experienced what I experienced.

When I went for my booking in/dating scan and hospital, I had a horrible experience and now dread going to see the midwife there.
Before the scan, I got myself into a right mess, all upset and convinced myself that something would be wrong with either me or the baby. I work in the healthcare sector and read quite a lot about things that could wrong, stupid I know........Anyway, everything was fine and they confirmed I was 12 weeks + 2. After the scan, I had my appointment with the midwife. She called me in and before she even said hello started pitching about the community midwife. She started to do my notes and weighed me. I'm quite tall so she said "your bmi might not be as bad as I think" It turned out it was 39, which I know is high. She then basically called me fat and read a list of everything that could happen to me finishing it with "including death" Now as I said, and she knows this, I work as a media on the ambulances, I'm aware of the risks, but she didn't seem to care that I have feelings.
She then did my BP which is normally quite low and not surprisingly after being told I'm fat and I would die, it was slightly high. She said she'd let me relax and do it again in 20 mins. In this time that Iwas meant to be relaxing, they tried for 15 minutes to get blood out of me, 3 people tried and a doctor had to come in the end to do it. My BPS had surprisingly come down habit, but she still wanted me to go to my .GP for a check (I did this a week later, stress free and it was fine, if anything abit low)
The midwife then went on saying because I'm fat I need to go see a dictation, an antheatistest (sp?) and the consultant as well as have extra scans.

I'm now 16 weeks today and lost over 2 stone, not by dieting, just healthy saying and swimming but I still feel really fat and horrible with myself

I'm at the community midwife tomorrow who is lovely but I can't stand them at the hospital and now I got all these extra appointments.

My husband has been fantastic and constantly tells me he loves me and I'm being silly about feeling goat, but I can't help it

I know they have a lot of patients n new mummy to see, but that midwife has really affected me

 

[xdxxtx]

That is so awful. I can't believe it. My BMI is very high due to adrenal disorders and metabolic syndrome, and I had a PERFECT first pregnancy even with my weight AND all of the health problems that caused it. My doctor(s) and MWs didn't care about my weight and just didn't want me to gain too much. I gained 25 although I didn't need to gain anything, and they were all right with it. I had a natural delivery and everything - no problems whatsoever. (I'll let ya know how this one went when it's over.) I live in the US, and many people here are obese. Even if I was the only obese person in town, I would NOT take anyone treating me like that. It's hard enough to be overweight, besides having health "professionals" put you down for it like that. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

My sister also has a very high BMI and has had 2 perfect pregnancies. I hope this helps to calm you a little. Neither of us has died from being obese and pregnant, and you won't either.

 

[Lilli]

Aw hun, i'm so sorry to hear this! What a cow!
I had a similar experience with my first. I'm considered over weight going by my BMI, but i'm not that bad. Anyway, when i was 30 weeks with Adrian, the evil midwife told me i'd put in 1.5 times the amount of weight i should've for my entire pregnancy and that i was going to harm my baby if i didnt stop!!! I said "but i'm pretty much only eating fruit as it's all i want" and she replied "dont you now how much sugar fruit has in it?"
Unsurprisingly, i then had high blood pressure and she sent me off to the hospital! So i was in a right state, she'd just told me i was harming my baby, next thing i know, high BP, she told me to ring my husband and drive direct to the maternity unit! I went into total melt down, cried the whole way there. had to park about half a mile from the unit (big car park) etc etc. Get in there, my BP was NORMAL. I had a perfectly healthy 8lb 8oz little boy at full term.
These midwives seem to get on a bit of a power trip!
She's my community midwife for this baby too and i'm dreading seeing her next week. Think this time i wont take her cr*p though... hopefully
Hun, you've lost 2 stone since when? do you know your BMI now?
Treat your extra care as a bonus. You are a medic, you probably know everything they are going to tell you. Treat it as a revision session?! if you've already started eating more healthily then tell them and ask if you really need the dietician sessions.
Extra scans? lucky you! you get to see your baby more often than most I saw a consultant with my first for an existing medical condition and was lucky enough to get a quick scan at every appointment to see Adrian bobbing about and an additional growth scan at 28 weeks.
Go in to your hospital appointments confident and knowledgable, you'll be fine
Tell your community midwife how you're feeling. It might help you to get it all out

 

[MrsClark24]

Wow that is an awful experience for you! No wonder you don't want to go back to her!

I would say that to remember that you are a patient in your own right with your own right to medical care. If you aren't happy with something, or someone, you have the power to change it. You can request a change of midwife if you want. Failing that, remember that even though she's your midwife she's also just a human being and is supposed to be providing you a service. If you aren't happy then tell her! She can't make you feel like that and then get away with it, you can tell her that you're aware of the risks of being a larger pregnant lady however that is the way it is!

I know that being heavier during pregnancy can cause a lot of problems for the woman and the baby, so I would like to think that she's just really concerned. But some people are just "fatist" as I call them and try to scare you. Don't let them!!

You're not being irrational or anything for feeling the way you do about being spoken to like that. So long as you're happy and healthy and your baby is healthy that's what matters.

Well done for losing the weight though, sounds like you're doing things healthily which is what you need to be doing for your bambino!

xx

 

[WalkerBaby]

Thank you all for being lovely x

the thing is, Im not even that big, I wear size 16/18 clothes but I'm just totally paranoid now about eating. My bmi is 34.5 now. I'll not take it again fr.om her or anyone again. My first appointment I did t know what to expect but I do abit more now.

I'm quite a tougher but I'm an emotional mess over this.

It really helps reading what you've wrote though so thank you x

 

[smokey]

Your not realy that much over the threshhold for consaltation.
They advise anything over 35 needs to be refered and when I had mine done it was 36 so I got refered to see a anethatis and for diabities testing with extra scans.
The thing was (and I laugh about this now) was at the time I had my bmi done I had been constipated for nearly 5 days which "sorted itself out" that night, next day I had a scan so they re did it and it came up as 33 so id lost 3 bmi points just having a poo thats why I think bmi is so outdated and unreliable.
They then said not to worry about it but to stick with the other appointments.
A few weeks later I had the anethatist appointment and he never once even mentioned my bmi, he was more on about risks of epidural with me having spina bifida.
Last pregnancy my bmi was 36 and no one barely mentioned it other then a possible difficulty gettimg a clear scan and they said it was on the high side but I was clearly healthy and I had a very eady simple birth with no problems or pain relief.

Is there a way you can request a differant mw? Tbh last time I never saw the same mw twice.
Try not to let her get to you and just let it go over your head, its realy not that high and most of the problems they go on about are more for bmi thats like 45.

 

[Whimsy82]

I'm sure she's just doing her job...telling you the risks (that you and pretty much every pregnant women who do their research know) but she could learn some better ways of saying so... :/

As for the blood pressure...I normally run low as well. I'm also over weight and so I'm sure high BP is a concern of theirs. Last appointment it was running high. My BP is usually a little high at the doctor's (white coat syndrome, I believe they call it) so I bought my own manual BP cuff and started monitoring it at home. It's still pretty good BP never over 120/70. So, if I go back and it's high, I can show her my numbers.

If you're not comfortable with your midwife, you have the right to find one you ARE comfy with!

 

[Lauki]

She is WELL out of order and perhaps when you feel a bit calmer you could write the manager of your GP's and put in a complaint.

Sure it's fine to inform someone of risks, but there's no need for insults and making your patients feel bad!

My BMI is exactly the same. My pregnancy with Sophie was completely normal. Never high blood pressure or anything bad. The midwife even said I was 'boring' as everything was so textbook!

 

[butterflywolf]

Wow...just wow. I'm pretty sure I'd have told her where to get off. My bmi is 37 (just shy of it) and my doctor has no concern for me. I lost 3 lbs first 14 weeks and finally gained 1 lb back. He said he'd like to see me start gaining weight by my 20th week. My blood pressure is no concern. My last blood pressure there was 120 over 62. Every person whether they are large, skinny, just right or what not, can develop problems and every shape size etc can have the perfect pregnancy as well.

 

[summer rain]

What a cow My friend has a BMI of 39 also and was assessed as being perfectly healthy otherwise so not in need of any additional care or even the GTT. With my youngest my BMI was just under 30 and I had the same crap as you have had, from the booking midwife who was not my usual but one from the same team; she guessed I was 11 stone and I should have just said she was right because when I told her I was closer to 14 stone she really went off on one and said the same as you, that I'd need to see a dietician, an anaesthetist and also would need to see a special psychiatric team for pregnancy because I was depressed years ago and I was putting myself at real risk of dying but 'its too late now'. This despite the cut off in that area being a BMI of 35+ and several other risk factors had to be involved as well none of which I met either. At my 16 week appointment the hospital midwife then took one look at me and said 'this is all nonsense' and scribbled it all out but the community midwives other than my usual midwife were not happy and made me sign disclaimers about them not being responsible if I insisted on a homebirth and my baby had shoulder dystocia and also made me have the GTT. This time I am a similar weight, maybe slightly heavier at this point and they have not made any fuss at all but my whole MW team are now associated with a different hospital and NHS trust that doesn't base its policies on BMI per se but more other factors. xx

 

[iluvmyfamily]

I am so sorry you had to deal with that! I was told the same thing in my 2nd pregnancy because I gained 11lbs in 2 weeks. I had just gotten over being sick in my first trimester so when I started feeling better I ate a lot but I couldn't help it. I guess my body was trying to make up for the times it couldn't eat. It's so disrespectful to be told that though. Don't think badly about yourself, listen to your husband. Can you see if you can get another doctor? Say you're uncomfy with her and you don't like how she is with you.

 

[Firestar]

Yikes! Really feel for you, I'd maybe have a think about changing midwife's.......... It's one thing to sensitively talk about any possible risks, and quite another to be blatantly rude.

I have a 20-24 BMI, but I'd have been furious if anything like this had been said to me in that manner regardless of my weight. My midwife has been quite sensitive and understanding about my history of depression/anxiety, but if she'd reacted like yours did for any reason about that, I'd have been really upset.

Remember that it's your antenatal care, and you have every right to a midwife that you feel happy with.

 

[Babyduo]

Here in the US they don't really discuss BMI at all during pregnancy. First of all it isn't accurate when pregnant and they look more at your overall health. Im overweight and my doctor and MFM doctor have not mentioned it once. They check to see if I'm gaining our losing weight but that is it. They are more concerned with BP and protein in urine.

 

[Purplehippo]

Hello, I'm sorry you had really bad experience. My bmi is over 40 (I have lost 6 1/2 stone before we started ttc ) I went for first consultant appointment last week at 12w scan. I was really worried how they would be. But our consultant was lovely she said I was at risk of presclampsia and gtt and that I would have two extra scans. We are worried about me having difficult labour and something bad happening but no one has said that. They did also say about us seeing aneasetist (excuse spelling) so there are nice people out, I would really try to ask to see someone else no one should make you feel that way

 

[Lamont]

im so sorry you went through this, I have a high BMI as well 39.5 there are lots of support here in this forum, threads you may find useful and i follow are;

https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/pregnancy-groups/1134343-plus-size-pregnant-join-here.html

https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/p...her-obese-morbidly-obese-bumps-out-there.html

Hope you find these useful

 

[WalkerBaby]

Thank you again all so much, nice to know other ppeople understood where I was coming from and why I was upset.

I saw my community midwife today for my 16 week app, told her everything and she was lovely. She apologized on the hospitals behalf and seemed to know who I saw before I even said her name. She's took the decision away from me and said I'll not be seeing her again.


Restored my faith in midwife abit today after my appt.

xx

 

[Purplehippo]

Here in the US they don't really discuss BMI at all during pregnancy. First of all it isn't accurate when pregnant and they look more at your overall health. Im overweight and my doctor and MFM doctor have not mentioned it once. They check to see if I'm gaining our losing weight but that is it. They are more concerned with BP and protein in urine.

Thank you again all so much, nice to know other ppeople understood where I was coming from and why I was upset.

I saw my community midwife today for my 16 week app, told her everything and she was lovely. She apologized on the hospitals behalf and seemed to know who I saw before I even said her name. She's took the decision away from me and said I'll not be seeing her again.


Restored my faith in midwife abit today after my appt.

xx

That's great news

 

[Lauki]

Fantastic news !

 

[nabo86]

some people don't think about how they upset people before they speak...

my pre pregnancy BMI was 28.5 which i know is overweight but i didn't feel any concern...

...that is until my 12 week scan... the sonographer wrote on my notes about how the view was restricted because of me being fat!!

i queried with my midwife next time i seen her and she reassured me i was ok and the sonographer was a bit out of order to write something like that and especially cos she never mentioned it to my face - i seen it when i got home!

i'm glad your community midwife was nicer

 

[Nevaie]

I've gotten ragged on for my weight in two pregnancies now. In the first I was underweight (BMI of 17-18) so I was talked down to and treated as if I was purposely starving my baby. I'd always been small up until that point - I was born overdue yet less than 6 lbs and I just stayed small into adulthood. My son was born perfectly healthy at 39 weeks and almost 7 lbs so obviously I was fine.

Now after quitting smoking, fertility treatments, multiple pregnancies/losses and just getting older I'm slightly overweight with a BMI of 27-28. So again I got the talk, from 2 different nurses and plenty of suggestions on how to keep the weight down. No one has been majorly concerned since I'm just over but it's still hard being told how you're at risk of blah blah, baby at risk of blah blah and only supposed to gain blah blah yet then be told 'Oh but don't try to lose weight during pregnancy, wait until after'. Plus I'm on heavy restrictions which now don't allow for much of anything activity wise. My weight gain hasn't been too bad but it's already higher than it should be at this stage to stay on track with what they want. I do eat healthy though (just obviously slightly more than needed) and can't exercise atm due to restrictions so they really aren't bothering me about it anymore.

What I hated was that after seeing the one nurse and having her calculate my BMI at about 27 based on pre-preg weight, the next nurse recalculated my BMI at 28 based on the 5-6 lbs I'd gained during pregnancy. That's just ridiculous.