Holy cow, I'm pregnant?!

[WillowBranch]

Hi all!

I have been reading a lot of the threads here and decided to join the party. I'm 29 years old, and recently found out while at work that I was pregnant! This was not an intentional pregnancy, but was the result of a random IUD mishap. I have been in a (very quick moving) great, healthy relationship with my 32 year old boyfriend for only a few short months now, which made this pregnancy quite a shocker. I was on high alert after my IUD failed, so I tested (at work, because the anxiety of not knowing was killing me!) a few days before my period was due and sure enough...

Since then, I went to my OBGYN (10/06) and had a blood test done to confirm/determine how far along I am, and the doctor told me that I was "somewhere between 3 and 4 weeks, but definitely less than 5." So, not an exact science, but that means I conceived sometime in mid-ish September and am due in June, assuming all goes well.

My boyfriend, the amazing man he is, said "really?" in his most serious, manly tone when I showed him the tests that I took -- and then proceeded to pick me up, kiss me a ton and tell me how happy he is. He has been 110% supportive since, and is INCREDIBLY excited. Not a single ounce of fear or anxiety has come from this man.

I fluctuate between sheer panic and rare moments of peace. I work in investment banking, and my career is in such a rapidly moving and successful spot. I haven't told anyone else yet, and am very nervous to face the critical comments and/or judgment that may come my way for being pregnant with someone in a new relationship. I am already terrified enough of what's happening to my body, how I'll learn everything I need to in time, how I'll make the changes I need to in order to prioritize motherhood, how I'll cope with life "as I know it" ending, etc. Telling my family, his family, coworkers and friends that I am pregnant at this point in our relationship makes me feel very uncomfortable.

We both have stable careers, we are both functional, mature adults, we are both on board with this together -- all great things. I'm just so overwhelmingly nervous/unsure/surprised/in shock.

Any advice?

So anyway -- hi guys!

 

[wannabemomy37]

Wow, congrats!! Glad he's being so supportive! That's awesome

 

[DobbyForever]

Hi and welcome!

First of all, CONGRATS! Wishing you a happy and healthy 9 months!

I can empathize with the judgmental looks. I teach in an affluent neighborhood, and the parents are always poking and prodding me about if I'm dating or married or have kids. I also teach 7 year olds who have whole conversations about whether or not I have kids, that I obviously can't because I'm not married, and so on. SO and I have only been dating a year, but we experienced a surprise pregnancy that ended in a loss our second month of dating which pulled us so close together. Even on here, though I know the women are incredibly acceptive, I hide the fact that SO haven't been together long.

So I'm going to level with you. I've been pregnant 3x before this, and they were all birth control failed pregnancies. People will judge, people will have negative things to say, and not everyone is going to be rainbows and bunnies and unicorns with you. All you have to do is remember they are freaking out because they love you and are worried. Then, politely tell them how their reactions make you feel and that you would like positive support moving forward. If they can't do that, you might find yourself talking less to some people you thought were unconditionally there for you. But hopefully your friends are more mature than mine.

As for telling, you tell them when you are ready. A lot of people don't even tell work and friends until 12 weeks. I'm announcing at 11 weeks when I have my panorama results and know the sex/ have moved into our first home.

I'm really happy SO is excited and stepping up for you. It's okay to feel mixed emotions: it's a new situation and the hormones. I think once you see the little heartbeat flickering away it becomes easier to be excited.

 

[WillowBranch]

Thanks for your candor, Dobby. Hearing someone's first hand experience is helpful!

I'm hoping that, as this pregnancy progresses, people will adjust or become more accepting to the idea of me and the boyfriend having a child. Fingers crossed that their initial reactions of shock/concern/disapproval will fade over the course of nearly a year.

Good luck with your pregnancy and also, congrats on the move!

 

[Rhiannon137]

Congratulations. Becoming a parent is a rollercoaster ride no matter how "prepared" or "planned" things occur. You've gotten some good advice already. Try to go with the flow as much as you can. It's normal to feel scared, excited, happy, even a little mournful for the "life as you know it". You'll handle it all one day at a time.

It sounds like you and the boyfriend are pretty self-sufficient, responsible adults, so any problems that anyone might have with the news are their own problems to process. If your families' reactions are not initially positive, there is nothing like an adorable baby to bring them around.

 

[CrowBaby]

Congrats! I understand worry with your job. I have told my boss, who was exstatic (she knew we had been trying for 2 years). Luckily, I work in retail and June/July/August are our slow months coming into Back to School time, so the timing ended up being perfect.

As long as you are happy, who cares what they think!

 

[DobbyForever]

My uncle was none too happy about my cousin getting pregnant on bcp. I remember being in the waiting room while she delivered, and he was like obviously I am not happy. A lot of family cut him out because his daughter had a kid out of marriage. He was grumpzilla all day, but the moment he held his grandson he fell in love. Does he like the situation? No. But he sure loves his grandson.

Buuuut keep in mind my cousin is 29, her bf is 21, they have high school diplomas/GEDs. May have had a lot to do with the disapproval. So I'm sure once the initial shock wears off people will be excited.

I have to tell myself that because I am about to put my mom through that, though I think SO is gearing up to propose.

 

[biscuits104]

First of all, your boyfriend is a dream - keep him and have lots of babies. Second of all, even those of us who have planned and planned for this have the "oh sh*t" moments. This is my third pregnancy this year, after 10 looooooong years of planning and planning and more planning and my husband and I are still like "oh wow, are we really doing this?" (But we are really excited)

You sound like you have a great head on your shoulders, and a great partner too. There might be some Debbie Downers, but try to ignore them, or be completely honest with them. The thing most negative people don't realize is that their hurtful words mean nothing once something is already done. And a pregnancy is an all or nothing thing. The haters will get over themselves. Best of luck to you and a happy and healthy nine months!

 

[WillowBranch]

He really is. I am so thankful for his reaction. What a man.

I have my fingers crossed for you -- good luck with this pregnancy!

 

[WillowBranch]

It sounds like you and the boyfriend are pretty self-sufficient, responsible adults, so any problems that anyone might have with the news are their own problems to process.

Thank you for saying this! Definitely helps put things into prospective for me.

 

[biscuits104]

He really is. I am so thankful for his reaction. What a man.

I have my fingers crossed for you -- good luck with this pregnancy!

Thank you so much

 

[Rhiannon137]

Me again. I just realized that I forgot a second point I wanted to share. You mentioned your professional field and alluded to the fact that might not be the best time for a baby. The fact is that it probably won't ever be. It sucks, and it's not fair, but I get the sense that you recognize that. Sometimes things happen for a reason, and you find a way to make it work.

A dear friend of mine also works in investment banking and, by the time it seemed professionally "appropriate" to start a family, she was 40. She is 44 now, there has been no baby, and it looks like there will not be. Who knows how things would have worked out for her at 29?

Good luck again, and don't worry too much about figuring it all out right away.

 

[WillowBranch]

Thanks, Rhiannon. Although the thought of derailing or altering my career path is surely scary, I recognize that there is no perfect time to have a child, and if my biggest concern right now is how badly this will impact my climb to the top of the corporate ladder -- I'm not doing too bad.

I'm now 5+3 and can't control my emotions (why do I want to cry again?! I have no idea!) or stay awake for the life of me, so this office isn't so appealing right now anyway.