Honest opinion please - am I acting spoilt?!

[kaylz]

OK, so my partner has turned around and said that once I start maternity leave I won't be able to get my hair cut anymore at my usual hairdresser because we wont be able to afford it. I earn my own money at the moment, and I earn more than him so I spend my money as I please, but it's forseeable that he may need to 'keep me' a little once my pay drops right down to SMP. I can see this being an issue but he says I am acting spoilt.

My haircut costs £70 (cut and blonde highlights) and I get it done every 10 weeks (it really needs doing after 8 weeks but I stretch it out because of the expense). I am really dark naturally, but everyone complements me on my hair and says I look 100% better blonde than dark. I love my hairdresser - I've been seeing him for years. I wouldnt want anyone else to cut my hair.

I realise how vain this sounds but I can't bear the thought of dying it dark again and/or just letting the roots grow. I want to look remotely presentable for myself, and for my own self esteem, but OH says I'm putting myself before the baby.

What do you guys think? Do you intend to to cut out all luxuries after the birth or will you still have things for yourself now and again. I don't think a haircut every 10 weeks is unreasonable but its sparked a major row and I hate that I might be dependent on him for money and so effectively, he might get the final say on this.....

 

[Fiore]

For me personally getting my hair done is so important and it sounds like you are the same! I spend a simerlar amount every 8/9 weeks although it should be 5 weeks really. My confidence plummets and I honestly can't bring myself to DTD if my hair is a mess lol! But if I can't find myself sexy then I can't work out why anyone else would IYKWIM?

I don't think you are being spoilt at all although probably because I'm demanding I get my haircuts still at Tony & Guy with my wonderful hairdresser!

It takes so long to find someone you trust, don't you think?xx

 

[anna matronic]

Not being selfish. but two sides to the argument here. Side one: You will need to prioritise and with a young baby your hair may not be the most important. Side Two: You might feel like utter shit and a haircut can make you feel ten times better. I know when my roots used to come through it made me feel really shit I thought I looked bloody awful. I personally have dyed my hair brown for the time being and don't actually like it, but I can't really justify the expense of bleeching my hair at the mo.

Can you save a little bit of money to pay for the hair later on? You aren't going to be on SMP for a while yet, so can you put some aside to put towards it?

Maybe you will have to stretch it to a bit longer, maybe 12 weeks. Roots aren't great but they aren't the end of the world.

 

[gemabee]

so what if its his money ur spending... its ur body thats bein used nd abused for 9 months (if not longer) in order to bring his child into the world.
the money should be split equal... u are a partnership... don't let him bully u into not gettin ur hair done... £70 spread over 10 weeks is nothin!!
maybe have a special haircut jar nd put £7 in a week so it doesn't seem so much to him??
xx

 

[SKATERBUN]

I would allow yourself at least one little luxury whilst on Maternity leave and only getting SMP.
For me its been boots!! I felt guilty for buying a £70 pair of boots from Schuh. But TBH I dont go to the hairdressers. I havent had a haircut in a whole year
I think if you budget in the right areas you should be able to afford it.
Look at reducing the bills, like cheaper deals on insurances, phones etc, i find it all adds up, look at what you buy at the supermarket try and get all the offers. Its swings and roundabouts, if getting your hair done makes you feel great and its what you are used to doing then I wouldnt sacrafice this especially at such a damanding period in your life

 

[Wriggley]

i can see points from both sides of the argument if im honest -

Yes we are allowed to treat ourselves after having babies of course - theres no need to walk around looking like characters from eastenders just because we have had babies.

but at the same time £70 is alot of pennies and if you get it done every 10 weeks your talking about roughly 5 times a year costing a total of £350 so it depends if you have that much spare.

I have my hair cut roughly every 10 weeks to (though it could do with more often) - my hairdresser trained with Tony and Guy in london but hated the stupid amount of money they charged so he only charges £15 for a wash, cut, blow dry and styling

 

[Wriggley]

so what if its his money ur spending... its ur body thats bein used nd abused for 9 months (if not longer) in order to bring his child into the world.
the money should be split equal... u are a partnership... don't let him bully u into not gettin ur hair done... £70 spread over 10 weeks is nothin!!
maybe have a special haircut jar nd put £7 in a week so it doesn't seem so much to him??
xx

this!

me and my oh does class ourselves to have separate money - we share

 

[missmousemum2]

Well personally, I won't be getting my hair done. I earn more than my OH usually and control the finances and as I am on SMP straight away, we've had to save up to cover the drop in income when I'm off....

SO basically, the less I spend on personal treats like a £70 haircut, the more time I can afford to be off with my baby.

 

[Irish Baby]

tell him where to go! its a small treat for yourself and not alot to want!! is he giving up his hobbies or does he drink or smoke or spend money on anything for himself!!????

 

[Pearls18]

I don't think it's selfish if it's within your means somehow- if the baby has to go without something for the sake of your hair then I think that would be selfish lol, but if it means you may have to prioritise your hair over sumit else you'd personally normally have I don't think it's selfish. Just depends on your own circumstances. I would hope ur partner would be understanding x

 

[Fiore]

i can see points from both sides of the argument if im honest -

Yes we are allowed to treat ourselves after having babies of course - theres no need to walk around looking like characters from eastenders just because we have had babies.
but at the same time £70 is alot of pennies and if you get it done every 10 weeks your talking about roughly 5 times a year costing a total of £350 so it depends if you have that much spare.

I have my hair cut roughly every 10 weeks to (though it could do with more often) - my hairdresser trained with Tony and Guy in london but hated the stupid amount of money they charged so he only charges £15 for a wash, cut, blow dry and styling

We could get away with calling everyone 'slaaaags' though lol xx

 

[kaylz]

Thanks everyone. We don't share money because he won't agree to. To be fair, I'm crap with it. I have no debt or anything but I like to buy clothes, make up etc (obviously all of that will stop when I go on maternity leave) and he is a real saver.

He also has issues from his childhood because his mum took his dad's money and left the family with nothing. We;ve been together 13 years and this has always been an issue between us for this reason - he has real trust issues that I don't think he will ever overcome but I don;t want to put him down - he's a great man apart from this!

So that's why we don't share, and as I earn more than him that usually suits me anyway tbh! I'm just not used to being reliant on him and I'm starting to think I'm just going to have to live off my SMP and manage somehow, rather than ask him for money.I anticipated him being like this and I have saved £2,500 (VERY unlike me!) so hopefully I can use this for the little luxuries and avoid asking him for money altogether.

 

[Mrs IKW]

I agree with the suggestion to put £7 in a jar/money box every week as that doesnt seem much at all rather than have to ask him for £70 every 10 weeks.... £7 a week seems next to nothing!

 

[Fiore]

I'm not looking forward to being reliant on OH either, he makes me feel like he's done me a massive favour if he's lent me a fiver now never mind when I will be wanting money for all the baby stuff xx

 

[I<3paul]

You'll have to see what you can afford when it comes to it. You will get tax credits and child benefit when the baby is born so that should help but your partner is probably just worried about money so trying to cut out things that arent essential. I would say to him, if you can afford it you'd really like it if you coufld get your hair done. It's important for you to feel nice after youve given birth but i can see where he's coming from.

When my pay went to just SMP we couldnt afford anything. It was so hard. xx

 

[stardust599]

Hmmm.

We're all entitled to a little treat especially as a new Mum feeling crappy but if he's going to be the main provider then I can see his point. We earn roughly equally and keep our money completely seperate - I'm the sensible one usually with money left over at the end of the month and OH is the one buying clothes, PS3 games etc. and doesn't save. If it were reversed and I had to support him I would allow him to treat himself but it would have to be fairly - I wouldn't lose out myself or let baby lose out if he wanted to treat himself to a new game or something.

So if you're spending £70.00 on yourself every 10 weeks he should get £70.00 for something too for whatever he wants. And as long as you still have money left over for the bills, food and baby expenses then why not?

Also, if you are off for a year then that's like 5 haircuts at £350.00. Surely if you have worked hard and saved £2500 then you can put £500.00 of that away for treats on your SMP - that would be your haircuts and enough left over for some makeup/toiletries too!

xxx

 

[FeeMorr]

Can you try and DIY your roots in between visits to the hairdresser? I last had mine done mid May and got my sister to do my roots mid July (just with a dye bought from Boots). I am hoping to get an appointment in before junior arrives and then will DIY the roots again probably mid November to keep me going....this way I only really visit the hairdresser 3 times a year.

 

[xprincessx]

to be fair it's only £7 a week..i dont think you're being spoilt at all x

 

[Budsmummy]

I do think that is alot of money if i'm honest so I can see his point. Maybe you could just pay for it out of your savings instead?

 

[stardust599]

Definately think you should look into doing your roots yourself too as this can give you an extra month!!

I'm a murky brown colour and always get a full head of highlights to go completely blonde. I hate my roots coming back!

When I'm skint I use Jerome Russell Bblonde to fill in my roots and I use a highlighting cap to brighten up my hair. I usually do this about 8weeks after getting it professionally done and can squeeze up to 6weeks more out of it before going back to hairdressers! I used to spend £60 - £80 on getting my hair done but I've managed to find someone just as good and she only charges me £30!!!


xxx