Hoping for a sense of relief

[rockabillymom]

So my husband and I have had issues in the past. I have a lot of trust issues with him due to him admitting he had cheated on his last two girlfriends...but he told me he swears he has changed and that he would never do that to me because im so different and im caring his baby... Well we had the whole ashley madison feasco that happened (https://www.babyandbump.com/pregnancy-third-trimester/509521-horrible-morning.html )a few weeks back and so ive become very concerned with his phone. I thought I would try something a few days ago and grabbed his phone and told him I was playing a game. He acted really nervous like he was afraid of me finding something. And took the phone away.

So I finally got the guts to ask him today why he did that exactly and what was he trying to hide. His answer was porn.. which with some women may both them but with me its not big deal. Every man looks at porn its in there blood... hell I look at it now and again. I made him swear on our unborn child that was it.... But it still is eating away at me for some reason. I just want a sense of relief about this whole thing but I have a feeling itll be awhile before I can trust him again.

 

[Mummy to be x]

Hi hun. Could you not try and sneak a peek when he isnt looking? Other than that I guess you just got to believe what he is saying, If he has swore on your child's life then i guess he is telling you the truth, Pretty sick other wise. Hope everything turns out ok for you

xxx

 

[rockabillymom]

Ive tried but he's not gone long enough for me to actually snoop around. We both have android phone so its more complicated then just going into his messaging. I have noticed that when i did look once he had deleted some texts but it wasnt anything important as far as I saw. I just hate being so doubtful but I think he gave me a reason to be.. Plus he has been acting funny

 

[Mummy to be x]

If i were you I would certainly just ask him out right, The worst he can do is lie, and if you think he is lying to you then maybe you need a little time to think about what to do?


x

 

[rockabillymom]

So I managed to peak at his phone...he deleted almost all his texts..and deleted his browser history...he told me earlier he wasn't answering his phone because his ex wife kept calling him...I looked amd she never called just a few local numbers...I even went and bought a sexy outfit thinking maybe I just needed a self esteem boost but I have a feeling its not me...

 

[MissRoxie]

Its a horrible feeling to have hun, few months back my OH kept checking his phone when he was sitting at the other end of the sofa which I couldn't help but notice. Instead of just asking him about it I went in a bit of a huff & was just quiet because I was going over it in my head. Later on that night we were in bed and I asked him to get me something from downstairs & whilst he was gone I took a peek. Felt awful after when I saw it was just him texting his friend.

My point is hun, talk to him about it.. Maybe not today/tonight you could wait a day or two so that there might be more 'evidence' in his phone but at least when you next confront him he'll be more caught off guard and if he does have something to hide you'll have a better chance at finding out what it is.

 

[blutea]

I say you should go with your gut. I did ask my DH and he lied to me. I then checked his phone and found flirtaious texts. I confronted him and he finally admitted to me the truth. I don't want to get into it now but you should definetly follow your instincts.

 

[marnie79]

oh hun, i really hope it is all innocent, if he has nothing to hide he shouldnt have a problem going through his phone with u iukwim, good luck xxxx

 

[Deutschette]

My husband used to get super nervous about hiding his porn and about any messages he wrote with female friends, despite the messages being completely harmless. He said he didn't want to stir up any trouble with me, since he knew I was an outright very jealous person. He said it was just easier to delete things than to "risk" facing my questioning later on. This *could* be the case with your own husband.

Snooping feels bad, but I know from experience a couple of years ago that it has also helped ease my mind and thus has overruled any feelings of guilt I had from snooping. I know that sounds like a horrible thing, but it has saved my sanity more than once.

 

[Mum2MJ]

Hello, I would say to him you're finding it difficult to trust him after that episode (which is more than a valid point) and that you want to check his phone - in front of him. I don't agree with going behind someone's back and checking up on them. IMO I think it can be destructive to a relationship & trust works both ways. If neither of you trust the other, how can you make it work in the long run? Trust is something you need to build & work on together. Ok, will stop now b4 I sound even more like an agony aunt... I really hope you get it sorted x

 

[Gen79]

I actually agree with Mum2MJ. You and your partner just need to work on communication and trust will come from that - as long you are both trustworthy of course.