horrible day... feeling VERY alone

[ashlee23]

think a few ppl on here now now that I got pregnant whilst on contraception, very unplanned and at a time when me and my partner (who is turkish) had basically split as he became very jealous, so this has been a very confusing time.
However when i told my mum I thought Id get some more support and it seemed like she was at first but over past few weeks she has been talking about termination and how awful it is for children not to have a stable family. She also made a few comments I was suprised at when we were discussing a EDL (english defence league- kinda like BNP) rally goin on near where we live. At first I thought she was just being thoughtless but it has become apparent this week she really does want me to have a termination (something I really do not agree with) and that a major factor in this is that my baby would be mixed race. Totally shocked and so so upset. I have not told anyone else in my family but knew that one of my grans (maybe both) would struggle with the fact baby would be mixed race, (not that they are racist, just they have never really been around anyone of another race ) and my dad will probably take a long time to get used to it but I was relying on my mums support. Hormones prob arent helping and I do have some amazing friends for support but just feeling so upset at mo. Just felt like needed to get it off my chest xx

 

[Housewife83]

Ouch. Sorry to hear your Mum has such a bad attitude. Hopefully she will get over it when little one is born.

Just because you are on your own doesn't mean you can't provide your baby with a stable home. Love, kindness and support even if it's from one person are really the only things a child needs in my opinion.

Be good to yourself.

 

[katiekittykat]

I really hope your family come round xx

 

[lellis82]

I know a family that was SUPER upset when their daughter got pregnant with a different race's baby. They are southern baptist and VERY old fashioned. Once the grandbaby came around their whole lives changed. They love him and are MUCH more open and happier people.

I hope your story ends much the same, Hug!

 

[ashlee23]

Thanks for replies everyone, needed the support and think my hormones must have finally hit because all seems to have got to me and just spent last few hours in tears. Love this forum, can always count on ppl for support and advice. thanks again ladies xxx

 

[robinator]

If I'm reading your post right, the main reason your mom wants you to terminate is because the baby is mixed race? So she would be accepting if it was all one race? Ouch. You say your family isn't racist, then what would you call it? Let your grans struggle with it; it's their issue, not yours! There are millions of mixed race kids out there functioning just fine in society, so if their argument is how well it would fit in, just tell them that.

I agree with other posters that once baby comes they will love it regardless. I am so sorry that you're having to face this with an unsupportive mom. You know her better than we do, but chances are she'll come around.

You are totally capable of providing a stable home life and don't let her convince you otherwise!

 

[ashlee23]

i dont think she'd be the happiest anyway because of problems ive had with baby's dad but she has even said she would be happier if the dad was white, (when i was saying not racist i think with my grans its just that theyve never known anyone of another race but I am shocked by my mum, never seen this in her! even on hol shes never shown any prejudice before). I just know this will make me super-defensive about my baby and I am now looking for my own place to live.
I hope your all right and they'l come round but its just made me a million times more scared of telling my dad. xx

 

[chubster]

Oh dear, you must feel awful, this is so much to deal with when you have got hormones racing round you as well. I don't think it's the hormones making you uspet though, I think anyone getting this reaction from their family would feel bad. Glad to hear you've got supportive friends. I hope things improve and I also hope your family comes round when the baby is born - I have seen this a few times too! take care xx

 

[Lady_Bee]

Wow yes I would agree with robinator, they most certainly ARE being racist and I am so sorry you are having to deal with that and that you feel so unsupported and alone. My heart goes out to you It's disgusting that your mother is encouraging you to terminate because she is uncomfortable with the baby being mixed race. That is not something I would put up with. How dare she?

 

[ashlee23]

its just a shock to the system my mum being this way, with my gran im prepared (altho she doesnt know yet so dont know how shel react). she seems to be doing her best to convince me that because im not married i wont be able to cope and the baby will have a horrible life. she even mentioned lots of "dads" being in and out of its life! who does she think i am? i would never do that! i still hope my baby will have a good relationship with the father who will want to be in baby's life (he thinks we should be together, im still not sure) xx glad to have people that see my side of things xx

 

[Martz]

Awww hun, I'm not quite sure what to say but massive hugs My husband is black so children obviously mixed race and I can honestly say its never been an issue in ether of our families. Strangers sometimes ask funny questions about my daughters skin colour etc but its purely out of fascination and nosiness normally (wanting to know where my husband is from etc). I cant imagine my mum thinking any less of my children than her other grandchildren because of their race. I'm sure if you have a close relationship and she wants to be in yours and your childs life then she will come round and be accepting. Do you think she is just shocked about the pregnancy in general and worrying about you being a single mum and making irrational comments??? Hopefully when things have settled she will realise how silly she is being xxx

 

[robinator]

she seems to be doing her best to convince me that because im not married i wont be able to cope and the baby will have a horrible life. she even mentioned lots of "dads" being in and out of its life! who does she think i am?

I understand something like that coming from a grandma, simply because they were raised in a different era. That doesn't make it right, however. And how dare she say your baby will have a horrible life!! She doesn't know squat.

 

[ashlee23]

Thanks martz, it is nice to know its never been an issue for your family, i would be devestated if my child experienced any of this sort of horrible behaviour from strangers never mind family. Hopefully it is just the shock of it bringin out the worst in her.
Also thankyou Robinator for ur posts, although I would understand my mum worrying about me being a single mum etc but she left my dad when I was 10 so just because mine is from the beginning as long as babys dad is involved at least he/she wont have to go thru pain of parents separating. Sounds silly but u feeling angry at her behaviour makes me feel better because I dnt feel so much in the wrong anymore so thanks xx