How are your OHs coping??

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by smidgen, Dec 18, 2009.

  1. smidgen

    smidgen Mummy 2 Finlay & 4 angels

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    Just wondered how your OHs are coping? I know mine is broken hearted and is so worried about me, but he is trying to be positive and doing loads of research on the Internet re recurrent miscarriages, testing etc.

    But tonight he came home with a beautiful present for me. He bought two heart-shaped birthstone pendants for me. An emerald one for Rocky who I miscarried naturally in Sept and who would be due in May and a ruby one for little Ruby, my very recent MMC as she'd be due in July. We've put them both on the same chain so they are together and will always be close to my heart.

    He's such a thoughtful soul and I love the bones of him and just want to give him a baby some day soon x
     
  2. Kayleigh Lou

    Kayleigh Lou Well-Known Member

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    Thats so thoughtful Hun! x

    I miscarried at 11 weeks back in February. My husband can be an emotional person but ive never seen him so devastated the day it happened. He was so good, he made the phone calls to tell family, looked after me and our other two children. After about two weeks i went through a 'youve forgotten all about it stage' with him. Whilst i was clearly still greiving, he had started to bottle things up. He broke down the day i asked him if he was ready to try again. It was then that it hit me how much people had been fussing over me. He'd been strong for sooo long for the both of us and i love him so much for that.
    I think these situations are different for each couple. It sounds like your husband has a heart of gold.

    Thinking of you during such a difficult time xxxx
     
  3. Tulip

    Tulip Ruby <i>, Dils, Rowan

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    Oh Smidge that is so lovely of him!

    K's doing OK. He usually copes very well with death, but this is just too close and too unexpected. He's been very good at not bottling up but tries to hide some of his tears from me. He seems to have the same worries as me - like our little angel being treated as waste by our scumbag hospital - but doesn't raise them until I do as he doesn't want to upset me. When I read about Debs being able to hold and spend some time with Charlie this morning we both had a good weep because we didn't get to see our girl and we don't think they treated her properly :cry:

    He still wells up when we get more flowers or a nice call or message, but he's being strong for me, though he is just as devastated. I love him so much.
     
  4. smidgen

    smidgen Mummy 2 Finlay & 4 angels

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    I know, it's like they have to be so strong for us, but their hearts are breaking too.Good to know we have strong,wonderful men to look after us though. I had a good cry this morning too when I read that Debs & her hubby got to hold Charlie and spend that precious time with him. And his gone-to-soon page was so lovely too - i lit a wee candle for him.

    You know where i am if you need a chat or a we shoulder to cry on x
     
  5. debgreasby

    debgreasby Happy Mummy!

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    We were told that if we had gone for surgery we wouldn't get chance to see or hold him so that's one of the reasons why we went for the labour option.

    Paul's coping quite well considering. He's trying to get things as back to normal as possible. xxx
     
  6. veganmum2be

    veganmum2be 1 Son two angels.

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    My oh is coping brilliantly, he's been my rock, i've had no motivation whatsoever sinse it happened, and cos of the cramps hes been running round after me, making me food, going to the shops for me, and generally being really lovely.
    i know he's heartbroken over the loss of our bean, but hes coping and focusing on the future. xx
     
  7. Midnight_Fairy

    Midnight_Fairy New baby J

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    aw thats a lovely thing to get hun. My OH is not dealing well. He has never really had to experience death of a loved one and he just keeps expecting answers for questions that he cannot have an answer to. Such as why?
     
  8. SmileyShazza

    SmileyShazza I'm a mum!

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    My OH has been amazing. When we found out I went to pieces but he kept it together in the hospital enough to make sure that he could take in everything that was going on. In the week between finding out and the surgery he was my rock, he put up with me crying and blubbering most of the time.

    I'm not the easiest person to deal with when upset as sometimes I don't like people fussing around me and actually prefer to be left for 5 - 10 minutes until I can calm myself down. OH somehow worked out the times when I needed a cuddle and when I preferred to be left for a bit but then would always come with a hug when I was ready.

    For the first couple of days I was very worried about my OH as he didn't cry but I know he tends to not show emotions as much as me, we talked and he said he was devastated but trying to be strong for me. We had a big chat and I told him that it was fine for him to be upset too and that I was here for him as much as he was here for me, that was a big turning point and his emotions came out that day.

    Now he seems to be doing ok. I think he has more of a get on with things kind of attitude than me and is trying to get back to normal as much as we can. He doesn't really talk much about whats happened although if I start a conversation about it he will do, I suppose he doesn't want to bring it up in case it upsets me.

    I think men just have a different way of dealing with these things than us. Plus I think that as we have had the LO's in our tums we have built up a connection already as we have been thinking about what we are doing, taking care of ourselves etc throughout the pregnancy. I have read that a lot of men don't feel a connection to their LO's until they see them for the first time on a scan or feel them kick - unfortunately we didn't get that far :(

    I am making sure that I give my OH lots of cuddles and that we are talking about whats happened. This has bought us closer as a couple though which can only be a good thing.
     

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