How could someone do this?

[Shaunagh]

Okay, so this is going to be a really long story, but whatever. I cant tell any of my friends because they know my family..

Okay, so when i was about 18 months, my mum and biological dad seperated.
When I was about 4, she married my step-dad. I call my stepdad, dad. Explaining my family is the hardest bit
Okay so there's me, my biological mum, and my biological sister. Then there's my step-dad and my two step-brothers, Josh and James. Josh and James have different mums (so they're half brothers) and Josh still lives with his mum. So.. i live with my mum, step-dad, sister and brother, James.


My mum married my step dad when we were really young, so i just call him dad. I did used to see my biological dad up until about 8 years ago when we stopped. I'm not that upset about it as i know its not that he doesnt want to see me, its just he could never be bothered to arrange anything. Besides, i know who'll be walking me down the isle anyway, and its not him.

Anyway, i'm getting to the point of this thread.. My brother, James, has never met his biological mum. He was born 4 month premature, and his mum wanted to put him up for adoption. My step-dad took her to court to get custody, but technically he had no official rights as they werent married. But eventually, he did get custody. I've known this for about 2-3 years, and i'm the only one that knows out of my siblings. But today my mum told me some terrible things

So.. this woman (James' biological mum) used to work at pubs around where we all lived and grew up (after we were born). Not only that, but when my parents used to go in for a drink and see her, she used to be like "hi! how're you!?" And my mum would just think, 'you daft bitch, im raising your child and you couldn't give two fucks!' I have no idea how my mum didnt just beat the shit out of her..

James' biological mum also had a daughter when she fell pregnant with James, who would be about 3 years older than him. And she's got two daughters more who would be younger than him too. But for some reason she didn't want my brother According to my step-dad, its because she 'doesnt like boys' - all her other children are girls. Which kind of makes you wonder, was it an accident that she went into labour at 24 weeks with James? I surely think maybe she had something to do with going into early labour. How could you do that to your own child?

Then when James was about 11, he told my mum and step-dad that he wanted to meet his biological mum. My step-dad contacted his biological grandparents (from his mums side) and they told him that they were currently taking her to court to get visiting rights with their other grandchildren. Idk what exactly happened but my step-dad didnt persist. He didnt want her coming into James' life just to walk right back out again whenever she fancied So my step-dad told James he hadnt managed to contact her. Yes, he lied but tbh, i probably would've done too if i were in that situation.

James is autistic, maybe this is an effect from being born 4 months early.. But he's the sweetest boy i've ever known. He gets bullied at school and he doesnt realise it, he's just too nice. He's so hardworking and kind and caring, and i've never met someone who tries so hard just to fit in. Just to be treated the same as everyone else.

My point is. How could anyone just act so oblivious/uncaring towards their own child?

 

[Nade..Tadpole]

I dont know how anyone can not care about their child(ren)..
I went to my biological dads wedding when I was 3... next time I saw him was May this year... 17 years...
He's a prick! And I know what you mean .. I know EXACTLY who will be walking me down the isle.
And I know who will be my babies Grandad!
My step-dad adopted me and has always been dad to me He's the best dad I could ever ask for!
And me and my big bro are special cause he chose to be our dad lol
My mum and (step) dad have 2 more children.. My little brother knows that my and big bro have a different dad but my little sister doesnt..
So when my midwife came and asked for my name as it is on my birth certificate - infront of my sister.. I went white!!
Luckily it went over her head and she didnt really pay attention bless her!

xxx

 

[Shaunagh]

I dont know how anyone can not care about their child(ren)..
I went to my biological dads wedding when I was 3... next time I saw him was May this year... 17 years...
He's a prick! And I know what you mean .. I know EXACTLY who will be walking me down the isle.
And I know who will be my babies Grandad!
My step-dad adopted me and has always been dad to me He's the best dad I could ever ask for!
And me and my big bro are special cause he chose to be our dad lol
My mum and (step) dad have 2 more children.. My little brother knows that my and big bro have a different dad but my little sister doesnt..
So when my midwife came and asked for my name as it is on my birth certificate - infront of my sister.. I went white!!
Luckily it went over her head and she didnt really pay attention bless her!

xxx

Wow, Nade im sorry. But you definitely have the right attitude.
I didnt even think about who my LO would be calling Grandad, i didnt have to think about it. It didnt even cross my mind that it would be anyone other than my step-dad.
My step-dad didnt adopt me and my sister cause we used to have contact with our biological dad.. But my mum did adopt James.
xx

 

[abi17]

I have no idea but then again I don't get how people can abuse children either. I think some people are just 'that' way and it's really sad but your step brother he is lucky he had such a supportive family who love him. I know it's not the same but my best friend was given up for adoption at the age of 6 months her mum was a drug addict and my best friend was actually addicted too as she did it the whole way through pregnancy and whilst she was breast feeding. She had Paula took away from her whereas least your step brothers biological mum walked away knowing she would be no good for him. I can't imagine ever hurting my baby physically, mentally or emotionally but the sad thing is, is that it happens all the time I hope your brother comes to terms with not seeing his mum and he one day sees it's for the best. Anyway a big hug from me and sorry for my rant but people like this really upset me that would purposely put their child in danger!
Abi x

 

[Nade..Tadpole]

I got a text off him saying 'I hear I'm going to be a grandad' .. I just said 'No you're not.. But I'm going to be a mum'
He replied 'Oh well I've got 12... One more wont matter'
I just said.. 'My baby has grandparents thank you.. doesnt need a violent, thieving twat influencing their upbringing!!'

This is the sorta person he is.. Him and his new wife had fertility treatment (as she's too old!) and got caught with triplets..
But lost ALL THREE because she was too busy out in the street fighting than preparing to be a mum again...
ARGH!! They make me soo angry.. But at the same time dont.. Because I dont care enough :/
xxx

 

[Shaunagh]

Abi, the thing is, i dont feel like she did it for his benefit. Or because she thought she wasnt good enough to raise him. I feel like she did it because she felt that he wasnt good enough for her I mean, me and James argue like crazyyyy, but he really is wonderful. And being autistic just makes him even more special.

Nade, good on you!
My dad wasnt 'bad' but he just couldnt be bothered. And if he cant be bothered with his own daughters, why should he have the chance to be bothered with his own grandchild?
People like that shouldn't be allowed children

 

[abi17]

I don't no how u feel and I dont want to presume I do or how your brother does but even if she did try to terminate her pregnancy she has too live with that, she has to live with what she did and how cruel it was but at the end of the day your brother had a lucky escape being a boy as he got away from a woman do mean and horrible. If your bros biological grandparents are going to court to get visitation she can't be very nice and tbh I'm glad your bro is away from that situation and with people who love him just for who he is, you don't want to change him or make him any different. You love him for him and that's all that matters and obviously your family do too. People with autism are very caring, generous and considerate, thats just their nature. I'm glad his biological mum didn't get her own way and kill him or put him up for adoption when there's so Many people around him that love him. Try not to dwell on her, she's evil in my opinion to be so cruel especially if she did try to end her pregnancy at 24 weeks. Your lucky to have your bro in your life, cherish him as I know you do and just because there is some heartless people out there, they are the minority... Thank god!

 

[abi17]

Btw I don't think she's heartless for wanting to put him up for adoption, I think she's heartless for putting him up for adoption because he's a boy! Any child is a blessing and I don't get why people can't see that x

 

[LonelyAngelx]

hmm makes you wonder though doesnt it? tbh i dont even know why people can even do that to there own child... (im not being cruel so tell me if it is!) but youd think.. if james's bilogical mother didnt want a boy.. when she found out she was pregnant with a boy.. why didnt she have an abortion ? (sorry if that sounds so nasty) but i find this sooo wrong that she could hate boys and only like her kids being girls? i look at my son and feel nothing but love for him and i think to myself sometimes how can ANYONE hurt or disown there child ?? :/ it really gets to me.. to the point i hold my son and cry.. sad i knw but it breaks my heart!!!
james sounds like a lovely lad... and tbh i think hes so much better off without his real mum.. and should stick to his step mother.. after all she probably loves him more than his own mother ever could God bless him x

 

[abi17]

Completely agree lonelyangel!

 

[JohnsPrincess]

I have no idea. But it happens a lot. I've never met my bio dad. He's never seen me, never talked to me. I think the last time he spoke to my mom I was maybe a couple months old, but he hadn't bothered to see me even then. I'm 32 now. I know where he is. I'm in contact with my older sister, who I LOVE, and someday I may go see him. I dunno.

 

[Desi's_lost]

I have no idea how moms can turn a blind eye on their children. Men just have a few screws loose. I blame it on the 'y' chromosome.
My dad was more interested in getting me out of the way because i took up too much of my moms time. And my fob went and found a new girlfriend and just went on with life like the daughter he ASKED for doesnt exist. Then he has the nerve to let his girlfriend bully my friend who has a little boy a few days older than my LO. (they go to college together) If I see him again, i'm probably going to punch him in the balls so hard, he'll never be able to have children again.

 

[NewMommy17]

Aww that's so sad At least your brother James have better parents now you takes care of him and love and most likely wants the best for him. I wouldn't want him to meet his biological mom neither if shes a no good mother it would only probably hurt the poor boy ! Situations like this are so sad and wicked of a mother i just don't understand sometimes .

 

[jemmie1994]

Thats horible is probably best for your brother that he doesnt meet her sounds like she's done some awful things, a friend of my cousins has a gorgeous little boy Alfie and her sister also has a boy called Mckenzie, her sister dumped Mckenzie on her mum and hasnt been to see him since i've seen her pass by in the street and not even said hello she just wants nothing to do with him, she lives on the same street but never calls in she just spends all her time at the pub i really dont see how someone can just forget about their own child

 

[nicolefx]

If she did just want to put him up for adoption because he was a boy then that's disgusting . But I don't think putting a child up for adoption in general is a terrible thing - I think it must be a difficult decision to come to but all in all it's because they want a better life for them. I don't think you will ever really know for sure if him being premature had anything to do with her, unless there was some kind of medical report saying so or she admitted it. My dad left after having an affair when I was about 7 years old and I can count how many times I have seen him scince then - I have pretty much no emotion towards him, I barely know him. I don't have any feelings towards him choosing not to be in my life - I just wish he had made that choice years before instead of waiting till I was 7. Him not being there hasn't affected me at all - if anything it has made me, my mum and my brother much closer . Try to look on the bright side for your brother - he ovbiously has a family who loves and cherishes him and will always be there for him. xxx