How do I handle this?

callmedan

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So last year I told my mum me and oh wanted to have a baby - worst decision I ever made as she acted so horrifically, I'm her words she said it would 'fuck up my life' - needless to say it caused a massive argument and us not speaking for weeks
Last week my cousin who is the same age as me had a baby, my mum is very happy for them - so why is she happy for them not me? It breaks my heart to think about it so I try not to but this weekend we are going to see them with the new baby, I don't know how I will look at my mum all happy for them cooing over the new baby considering how she treated me last year
I want to speak to my oh about this but I don't know how to bring it up as it's a bit of a sore subject
 
If your mum is anything like mine she probably still thinks of you as her baby- you'll be too young to have a baby of your own even when you're 55! She could also have had an "I'm too young to be a grandmother!!" moment. I'm sure it's nothing to do with how she thinks you'll be as a mother and she'll probably be so excited when you actually do get pregnant :hugs:
 
It could be that she has no choice but to be happy for them since their baby is already here and there isn't anything that she can do to change it. It could also be what Eleanor ace said and she still thinks of you as her baby, or maybe she feels like other things need to happen in your life first before you're ready for a baby (like marriage, stable career/advancement, owning your own home, ect). I guarantee that she'll be just as happy for you when you fall pregnant though.

It's never a good idea to tell people that you're TTC or that you want a baby because then everyone feels like they have a right to give their opinion and advice on the matter rather than just smiling and saying "That's great! I think that you'll make wonderful parents". They also then expect you to fall pregnant immediately and then then either start judging your "infertility", feeling sorry for you, or obliviously offend you if you don't fall straight away.

My mom did the exact same thing when I told her that we wanted DS to have siblings. She went on about how "You'll never get an easier baby" and "It will make your life so much harder" and "You should stop while you're ahead". Honestly though I think that she really just regrets having as many children as she did (she gave birth to 5 of us and has 2 step-children as well) and thinks that I will too. I know that I won't though and she needs to respect my wishes. I've stopped caring about her opinion on the matter, and it's been pretty liberating. It helps that my father is very much in favor of DS being a big brother and would probably support my decision to give him any number of grandchildren I wished.
 
I know how you feel...I kind of mentioned in passing that I'm not painting the guest room now because in a few years it'll be a nursery and I don't feel like painting twice. She totally breezed past it like I didn't say anything. :shrug: I will be 29 by then so it's kind of like...get a move on, definitely time to start having babies. Thought she would be more excited to hear that she will have grand babies soon. She loves my brothers daughter. I, sure she'll be excited when one is on the way.
 
I know, I am her baby and when I told her we weren't even planning to TTC right away it was kind of in passing I think that's why it was such a shock what she said
Thank you, it's very comforting hearing people have similar problems xxx
 
If your mum is anything like mine she probably still thinks of you as her baby- you'll be too young to have a baby of your own even when you're 55! She could also have had an "I'm too young to be a grandmother!!" moment. I'm sure it's nothing to do with how she thinks you'll be as a mother and she'll probably be so excited when you actually do get pregnant :hugs:

This! My mum freaked out a bit when I told her I was pregnant with my first, thought I was too young etc (I was 26 so not exactly mega young to be having a baby!) but, honestly, as soon she was born her and my dad instantly fell in love with her and they're really looking forward to another granddaughter arriving in September :flower:
 

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