How do I politely uninvite her self invited kids

[DobbyForever]

My baby shower in in 6 days. My cousin had asked if her boyfriend could come, and I said yes because I invited male coworkers so the shower was coed. Then yesterday I confirmed they were both coming, and she said yes plus her 2 year old and her 5 month old. Now, I should have figured she wouldn't have a babysitter if both her parents and her bf come... but I'm just so used to etiquette that a- baby showers are not the place for children and b- she should have asked so I could say no. Her kids are codependent and cry and throw things and my mom will be all over them instead of paying attention to me. Plus, I have a $100 diaper cake and a $300 cake and $150 of decorations. My mom has spent a lot of money to make this party very classic for me.

But I don't know how to tell her I don't want her kids there without being a b*. My mom loves my uncle, and I have gotten into it with this cousin before and it really hurts my mom when I do. My mom told me to just let them come and my brother will babysit, and he was like I don't want to. Plus, her son SCREAMS when his mom is out of sight.

 

[Mrs Dragonfly]

I've never been to a baby shower that didn't have kids... honestly if I were invited to a baby shower and my toddler and baby couldn't come, I wouldn't go.

But if it's going to cause that big a problem for you, then you better say something before the party.

 

[crazylilth1ng]

You shouldn't even be in a position where its an issue to "uninvite" her kids! I'm sorry but when kids are invited to these events it is clearly stated upon invitation. This woman sounds like a rude, entitled piece of work, who does she think she is?

Just tell her. Say you were caught off guard when she first mentioned them coming, but kids are just not invited. If there is any fallout then it's on her not you.

 

[vaniilla]

I agree with the previous poster, she took it upon herself to assume kids are invited without really asking. I would say that I'm sorry for any misunderstanding but it's an adults only party.

 

[DobbyForever]

Ty. It got more complicated because right after I told her no kids, my ex coworker I absolutely adore asked if his super sweet daughter (7) could come. I threw his shower at work and she was there and so well behaved, and he lives super far so if I say no then he can't come. . So I told him yes. Which meant to avoid family drama I had to go back and tell my cousin her kids could come.

It's not so much kids (though I grew up in a traditional town so all showers were classy, women only, adults only) but HER kids lol. I'm just picturing her toddler, that she lets run around everywhere, knocking over my $300 cake.

 

[Mrs Dragonfly]

Oh geez. Now I say my 2 year old is a wild child, but I do not let her run around like that. Your mom has spent a lot of money on this party, but I would run out to a dollar store and pick up some bubbles, coloring books and crayons and designate someone as damage control if her 2 year old starts running around without mom doing anything about it.

 

[KatO79]

Maybe tell your cousin that she's responsible for any damages her toddler does? Don't get why your brother should babysit, they're your cousin's kids and therefore her responsibility when she decides to take them out! I'd also remove any belongings you don't want damaged and everything else placed as far away as possible out of the toddler's reach.

Don't be afraid to set boundaries, even with your family! Boundaries are healthy and anyone that doesn't respect them is showing you where they're respect for you ends.

 

[Parkep]

I would set up a little area for him with dollar store stuff. Like the PP said, bubbles, coloring, portable dvd player /tablet with kids netflix,balloons ,snacks etc. If you know any preteens what about paying them a little bit of pocket money to keep him entertained?

 

[stellababy]

If I was invited to a baby shower, I would assume kids are invited as well... It's a "child centered" event you are celebrating having a baby, so having kids there is what it's all about.

However, i would never my kids run around and break stuff at someone else's party! Maybe you could mention to the mom of the kids to keep an eye on them and make sure they don't damage anything as your mom put so much effort into the party?

In my opinion, not worth starting drama over. I agree with PP to have cheap art supplies to help keep kids busy.

Good luck and have a great shower!

 

[StillPraying]

yeesh sorry dobs I despise parents who let their children act like that. I understand they're little, but when parents don't bother to do anything it's beyond irritating.
Ive always assumed baby showers were kid friendly unless they specify on the invitations no kids....I've only ever been to one that kids weren't invited to. So I understand where she assumed it would be okay, but I don't blame you for dreading their arrival lol I think the others gave great ideas on having some kind of simple entertainment for kids. Movies are definitely a win!

 

[LoveCakes]

If I was invited to a baby shower, I would assume kids are invited as well... It's a "child centered" event you are celebrating having a baby, so having kids there is what it's all about.

However, i would never my kids run around and break stuff at someone else's party! Maybe you could mention to the mom of the kids to keep an eye on them and make sure they don't damage anything as your mom put so much effort into the party?

In my opinion, not worth starting drama over. I agree with PP to have cheap art supplies to help keep kids busy.

Good luck and have a great shower!

Basically this. I don't see how you can invite a 7 year old without inviting her kids without insulting her however Valid it is.

plus 5 months is quite young to be left for some people.
I'd pick someone you trust to keep them busy and hope for the best.

Hope you have a nice time

 

[DobbyForever]

Thanks ladies. I guess in my area showers are seen as celebrating the mom not necessarily the baby, so everyone sees them as kids only. I wouldn't mind as much if she just asked like my coworker did. Plus, yeah. He's that kid who runs around st restaurants grabbing people's silverware from other tables or throwing his water on them. And they just laugh and think it's cute... and I love him but I also know how much time and energy and money my mom put into this party (she's in over a grand at this point).

I like the dollar tree idea. We do have a spare room. My brother got nominated to do it by my mom because he doesn't actually want to be out and about lol. Idk. I'm probably stressing over nothing, but I'll definitely hit up the dollar tree. Plus he is an iPad baby so hopefully his parents just hand him a phone. He'll find YouTube and amuse himself.

Ty all for the input!!! I don't have time to hit thanks but I will at home

 

[minties]

Um - her baby is 5 months old. I think you're really weird! I hope one day someone doesn't want your kids somewhere - how hurtful.

Her toddler is also only 2. Wow.

 

[Zephram]

Um - her baby is 5 months old. I think you're really weird! I hope one day someone doesn't want your kids somewhere - how hurtful.

Her toddler is also only 2. Wow.

Absolutely - it can be impossible to get out at all with a 5 month old and a two year old. That's life with kids. Two year olds can be little hellions even when watched like hawks by the best parents - that's why they call it the terrible twos.

Kids this age are supposed to be codependent, it's how they stay alive! As for the two year old throwing things and the 5 month old screaming when mum is out of sight - normal!! You'll find out.

 

[Kiwiberry]

A baby shower celebrating a mother and the birth of her unborn child is not a place for children........ Hmmm..... I completely disagree I'm sorry.

It's your baby shower do what you want there's no way to politely uninvite her children. It's not very polite to even be considering it in the first place. So there's no way to sugarcoat it. You will probably come off as rude either way.

If that was me I definitely wouldn't want to be a part of a baby shower that didn't want my beautiful children there. They are my life and I'd sooner exclude anyone that tried to exclude my children.

 

[DobbyForever]

Well long story short
In my town, you always ask if it's unclear about kids not assumed. But generally assumed no kids, especially under 5.

She banned kids from her first shower, and only allowed them for her second because as playmates for her son.

I don't actually like my cousin. We have a long, negative family history. I only invited her because my mom believes in family obligations and refuses to see fault in family even though this particular cousin once pushed me into oncoming traffic because she thought it would be funny to watch me get hit by a car.

But yeah I'm of the mind that she could have her bf stay home and watch them and come with her mom and dad. Or if she wants to cop an attitude then great don't come. But since I said yes to my friend's kids so hers can come. I'll just let my anxiety run for her convenience and lose out on the opportunity of being my mom's center of attention to make her life easier.

I went to one baby shower in third grade, and it was made very clear to us beforehand we dressed nicely and behaved appropriately because the host was doing my friend's mom a favor. But I was 8. Not 2. And was invited. Not self invited.

 

[Weebles]

Dobby, I have never been to a shower that didn't have children attending. Five were at mine and all but my niece were not officially invited. No one asked if it was okay. But really, it was. They played the games, ate some food, and ran around being kids in another area. I'm not sure of your location but if there is another room that might be helpful if they get too wound up. Have a kids table if that's not an option but really even that's not necessary. I really think it will be okay. It's a shower, not a long and boring formal wedding ceremony. People will be talking, laughing, moving around.. Don't even worry yourself about it!

(ps.. I also think you'll have a change in heart once your own LO is here. I remember babies crying in public used to be like nails on a chalkboard to me but after living through it I truly truly have nothing but empathy for the babe and the parents both)

 

[KatO79]

I agree with most that expecting your cousin to not take her kids with her, especially the 5 month old, isn't feasible. I also find it odd that a whole town has this rule of no kids under 5 at a shower, what town is this It's true though that once you have your own child, your perspective on e.g. crying children changes and what once irritated you now makes you feel sympathy/empathy.

I can see though that this cousin isn't a nice person and tried to kill you. Makes me wonder why you have anything to do with her? It's perfectly acceptable to not have anything to do with abusive people, that includes family. But you sound like you're doing it to please your mother which is a mistake. Your mother should respect your choice if you don't want to associate with this cousin other than being polite when meeting her at big family parties. I also wonder about your huge need to be at your mother's center of attention. It sounds weird and off to me, like some sort of unresolved issues.

 

[JessyG]

I would assume children were automatically invited to a baby shower. Afterall, thats what its all about really.

A baby shower is about the mum not the baby, thats pretty strange and to ne honest sounds fairly pretentious.

2 year olds generally are wild. Now i obviously wouldnt let mine run around ruining things but loud noise etc just comes as standard i am afraid and at 5 months, my baby hadnt left my side and we basically came as a package.

 

[DobbyForever]

I feel like I live in a weird town now lol.

There's a back room but he screams bloody murder when he can't see his mom. I also wonder how he'd do with toys. She doesn't buy him toys or read to him, so he only knows how to interact with a phone. But maybe that would work to my advantage? Like ooo new cool things. Idk.

Kids don't bug me. I teach k-6, I love kids. I just did not want young kids at my party. Even if I was having a sprinkle for a second, I would have SO watch our son and not have kids.

Re my cousin... she's even the best of my cousins. I love my mom. So I put up with my insane cousins because it makes her happy. If it was just about me, I'd have nothing to do with them. There was a long time I didn't have anything to do with them (college). Idk. My family is nuts. But they're family.

Definitely appreciate the advice though ladies!