How do I tell my best friend?

[emzilouu]

It’s been nearly a month since I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd child. I had my first midwife appointment today and I have a scan booked for next Wednesday to find out exactly how far along I am because we have absolutely no idea still. Me and my partner (different dad to my first 2 children) are absolutely ecstatic and so excited but I’m so scared about telling my best friend. Since I had my daughter we’ve always said ‘she’s next’ because her and her husband have been trying for a baby for 8 years and have just started the IVF process and start all the meds for it next month. Me and my partner have been together nearly a year so not that long. I’ve spoke to her about us wanting a baby together in time and she said ‘you best wait til I’ve had a baby first you’ve had 2 now it’s my turn’ which I completely understand. When we found out that ‘in time’ actually turned into ‘oh crap I’m already pregnant’ it suddenly hit me that I’m going to have to break the news to my best friend. I’m not one of those people that will do an announcement and let her just find out that way I want to tell her personally before I announce to other friends because to me she is family and I know it’s going to be a very sensitive subject to bring up. But I’m absolutely dreading HOW I’m going to bring it up. We speak a lot anyway (we live 4 hours away from each other so call often) but last time we spoke she told me she got a message off her brother in law telling her that they were pregnant and she said she’s glad he didn’t ring because she would of ended up awkward and a bit of a mess until she got her head around it. I feel so bad just messaging it her but I’d hate to tell her and upset her on the phone. I really don’t know what to do. I plan on telling her next Thursday after my scan Wednesday because she’s off work on a Thursday I’d hate for her to be upset while she’s trying to concentrate at work. Does any of you ladies have any ideas how I can approach this touchy subject with her?

 

[Rhiannon137]

I found myself in the exact same situation when I was pregnant with my first, and opted to send my friend an email that I knew she would receive when she was likely home and had some time to process the news. I think I even opened the email with something to the effect of "This is a very awkward email to write, but I have some news to share with you and did not want to put you on the spot..." I went on to say that I wanted her to be one of the first to know, and that I knew she would he happy for me, but understood that it might be complicated.

She told me later that she was so glad I did it that way, because her initial reaction was to bawl tears of anger and frustration - not at me, but at her own situation. So, in our case, it would have been much harder for her to force a happy face in the moment than to receive an awkward email. When we got together the next day she was genuinely SO happy for us, and very supportive.

It is wonderful that you are taking her feelings into consideration.

 

[dizzy65]

 

[Sander]

If it were me I’d appreciate receiving it as a message instead of a phone call as well. Then there’s no pressure to sound happy on the phone, she can process the information on her own time. It’s really kind of you to be so considerate of her feelings. 8 years is a loooong time TTC, so she probably won’t be that excited about your news just yet. But she’s got to find out eventually and you’re right that it’s best coming from you. Hope it goes well!

 

[LadyLovenox]

Ive been in this situation a million times as it took 3 years and IVF to get my first baby. In my opinion, the best way is to tell them in an upbeat way (esp of they're going thru ivf), saying, I just know we will end up preggo together and our babies will get to grow up together etc etc. Always assume IVF is gonna work for the person and be excited for both of you! Ppl going through infertility want ppl to believe in them.
I used to HATE when i felt like ppl treated me w pity like I was pathetic and say "Im so sorry.. but I have something to tell you."..in a sullen way, etc. Going through infertility already makes you feel pathetic. Feeling like other ppl pity you too is even harder. I'm sure everyone is different but that's just me

 

[reeve]

Gosh, this is a well timed post and lots of good ideas. A message sounds ideal.

I have 3 children and am now expecting my 4th ( twins who are 13 and a 5 year old) this was planned.

My best friend has just had ( literally last week- I found out I was pregnant on the day her baby was born) iv not told her yet as this is her time/moment and I wouldn’t want her to think I was robbing her joy or raining on her paraide .. ?

How/when do I tell her?

Oringinal poster, I think as the other ladies suggest.. an email might help, she can process in her own time then.

 

[chinaandback]

You are so sweet to consider your friend's feelings. I was that friend for so many years. Although I was genuinely so happy for my family and friends who conceived before us (also TTC for almost 8 years before starting adoption process) I was sad and frustrated over my own difficult journey. Most people told us in person and I would try not to let the pain show on my face, wanting so badly what they had. So I think your idea of an email is great. Your friend can process the information and although she will most likely be happy for you and your growing family, she will probably cry in frustration at first. It is very sweet to tell her you wanted her to be the first to know, from you. That will mean a lot. Congrats on you upcoming arrival and I am going to say a prayer for you and for your friend in hopes that she will receive her own blessing soon.

 

[emzilouu]

Thanks ladies! I’ve always been sensitive around her when it comes to babies she was there where I took the test for my daughter she was devestated and that was 4 years a go. It took her a while to get her head around it and I know timhis time it will be much worse for her. I’m going to send her a message next Thursday and give her chance to process it herself without me ringing her and putting unwanted pressure on her. She’s like my sister and I love her to pieces so I know how hard this is going to be for her.

 

[Babybum35]

Emi I'm in the same spot with a family member. She's been trying 4 or 5 years and this is my second pregnancy in that time. I blurted honestly. I know some won't agree and we have never been super close but I told her and then just expected that she wouldn't be ok so I let her lead hung up and won't discuss it again until I am told the sex....