How do people react to your pregnancy decisions?

[Proserpina]

People infantilize the crap out of pregnant women and it pisses me off. If I want to eat feta cheese or sit in a hot tub, that's my choice. If I want to drink a beer or have a cup of coffee, it's my choice. If I were in labor, you'd be a-okay with me having access to a wide range of powerful narcotics that have never been tested on babies, so who are you to get upset over 5 minutes in a hot tub and whine about how I'm hurting the baby? If your name isn't "Proserpina's Doctor," just piss off.

 

[giddypenguin]

It really really annoys me - especially when its men who don't have kids who are telling you what you should/shouldn't do! I drink 3-4 litres of water a day, I fancied something a bit sweeter so got a bottle of fanta and as I took my first swig (I never usually drink pop by the way) I get 'Oh, that'll do more damage to your baby than any pinot giegio' ARGH!

Even worse, a girl I know has made a decision to have her baby in a midwife led unit but she hates telling people that as all she gets is: "But there are no doctors there... what if something goes wrong?" She's low risk - if something goes wrong they'll take her to the hospital down the road! It's terrible that she feels like she can't tell people things as their reaction is so judgemental.

 

[Try2findbaby]

Amen to all uve said ladies! Unfortunately I have two managers at work - one who is pregnant and due in July, career obsessed was unsure about keeping the baby (her choice not mine) and the other thinks she is some sort of pregnancy pariah!

In my 3 months in the job I have had the 'pariah' put her hands under my clothes and touch my belly, I have been told that the kidney infection I had last week 'isn't that serious' (it can lead to my death and or my baby's, aswell as many other horrific complications) even though I went to a and e, had my maternity appointments questioned 'because I haven't had one of those', and numerous other shitty comments or pieces of advice.

It's a joke! I was told the one place you would get respect when you are pregnant is the workplace. Certainly not in my case! Every time I am offered something (I work in a kitchen) food wise and I say no she questions me or says I'm being ridiculous, eg a rare joint of beef bloody in the middle, no thanks - her 'announces to whole dept don't be ridiculous it is heated to at least 63oC so is perfectly safe. Well not according to every medical professional known to man it's not because I'm PREGNANT!!

This is my first baby and we took a long time to conceive I am not taking any risks that can be avoided. I haven't had caffeine so far but like most of you I get people go 'I drank x amount of tea through all of my pregnancies' that's great but I'd be the unlucky sod to damage my baby! I'm quite sensitive to caffeine anyway

 

[Hunbun]

The only person doing this to me is DH!

Last time he was all supportive on not touching alcohol, caffeine, medication etc... this time however he keeps saying 'you know you can have just a little bit don't you?'

I know I can but I don't want to.

 

[Leanne27]

This drives me mad too and I was going to make a post about something similar Here are my recent ones -

- Getting told I was 'boring' by my own mum for limiting the amount of time sitting in the sun whilst on holiday .

- Being told by my mum again that 'babies have always been born regardless of all these things you are now not allowed to do' ...... True but infant mortality is much lower now than years ago.

- Being told I am 'silly' for not eating runny eggs and being told 'no wonder your daughter is always ill', for not allowing her to eat runny eggs and 3rd time reheated fish (She was 1 at the time) This is by DH's family.

- Being asked if my pregnancy was a mistake by the check in lady at the airport, cos I was going on holiday with a friend!!! Uhm what!?!?

- Being told I was 'rude' for telling family and close friends about my pregnancy at 6 weeks (my DH's Aunt). This same lady told me I was silly for buying stuff before baby was born and that my DH should go out after birth and buy these things! RIDICULOUS superstitions, if something bad happens it will not be because I have bought a double buggy!

Have loads more but can't remember them all now!

 

[IsabellaJayne]

I always get " are you sure you're allowed to eat that"?

YES!!! I know what I can and can't eat, I listen to my midwife, not you!! Regardless of the 300 kids you have, doesn't make you a DR. Grrrr

 

[zanDark]

People infantilize the crap out of pregnant women and it pisses me off.

This! My in laws do this and it drives me crazy. I often run into them downstairs when I'm popping out to get something and I ask if they need anything...they act like I'm an invalid and say I should tell them to get me stuff...erm I'm not going to stay locked in the house! I can still look after myself and my house!

I also get the odd looks when SIL offers me her baby things...the thing is that her baby things are all orangey (I hate orange) and both her kids have used everything to death (her oldest is 5!) I don't mind her giving me clothes since they're well taken care of, but she's turning her daughters room into a toddlers room and wants me to have all the furniture. I want new furniture that I've picked out!! It's taken me so long to get pregnant and I've been imagining the nursery forever...why is it wrong that I want it the way I want it?! I don't want brown and orange furniture for my baby! I also don't want a falling apart bouncy chair and high chair that's 5 years old...they look old and worn out, would she want that for her babies?!

She also seemed a bit miffed that my other SIL wanted to give me her stroller...the only difference is that her stroller is 6 months old and had hardly been used! Completely different.

 

[zanDark]

oh and another thing that I get from SIL and MIL is that I'm "supposed" to wear massive maternity clothes for some reason I'm a jeans and tshirt type of girl and have bought maternity jeans that look like my regular ones, as well as fitted maternity tops with the scrunched up sides..that way I'm dressed in clothes that fit, but don't have added bulk lol! SIL brought me some MASSIVE (an I mean MASSIVE) shirts that she wore while pregnant and didn't flatter her at all (of course also orange!) and keeps telling me I need to buy shirts that have a band under the boobs and flare all the way down to my knees! WHY? lol

I want to show off my bump...I don't feel the need to hide it like she did!

 

[MrsRohner]

Amen to all uve said ladies! Unfortunately I have two managers at work - one who is pregnant and due in July, career obsessed was unsure about keeping the baby (her choice not mine) and the other thinks she is some sort of pregnancy pariah!

In my 3 months in the job I have had the 'pariah' put her hands under my clothes and touch my belly, I have been told that the kidney infection I had last week 'isn't that serious' (it can lead to my death and or my baby's, aswell as many other horrific complications) even though I went to a and e, had my maternity appointments questioned 'because I haven't had one of those', and numerous other shitty comments or pieces of advice.

It's a joke! I was told the one place you would get respect when you are pregnant is the workplace. Certainly not in my case! Every time I am offered something (I work in a kitchen) food wise and I say no she questions me or says I'm being ridiculous, eg a rare joint of beef bloody in the middle, no thanks - her 'announces to whole dept don't be ridiculous it is heated to at least 63oC so is perfectly safe. Well not according to every medical professional known to man it's not because I'm PREGNANT!!

This is my first baby and we took a long time to conceive I am not taking any risks that can be avoided. I haven't had caffeine so far but like most of you I get people go 'I drank x amount of tea through all of my pregnancies' that's great but I'd be the unlucky sod to damage my baby! I'm quite sensitive to caffeine anyway

Oh my goodness! Those people at work are out of control!! I can't believe they do that to you! People have some nerve!

 

[MrsRohner]

This drives me mad too and I was going to make a post about something similar Here are my recent ones -

- Getting told I was 'boring' by my own mum for limiting the amount of time sitting in the sun whilst on holiday .

- Being told by my mum again that 'babies have always been born regardless of all these things you are now not allowed to do' ...... True but infant mortality is much lower now than years ago.

- Being told I am 'silly' for not eating runny eggs and being told 'no wonder your daughter is always ill', for not allowing her to eat runny eggs and 3rd time reheated fish (She was 1 at the time) This is by DH's family.

- Being asked if my pregnancy was a mistake by the check in lady at the airport, cos I was going on holiday with a friend!!! Uhm what!?!?

- Being told I was 'rude' for telling family and close friends about my pregnancy at 6 weeks (my DH's Aunt). This same lady told me I was silly for buying stuff before baby was born and that my DH should go out after birth and buy these things! RIDICULOUS superstitions, if something bad happens it will not be because I have bought a double buggy!

Have loads more but can't remember them all now!

Thats not right for ANYONE to say something about your daughter being sick!! Thats crossing some lines!!

 

[MrsRohner]

oh and another thing that I get from SIL and MIL is that I'm "supposed" to wear massive maternity clothes for some reason I'm a jeans and tshirt type of girl and have bought maternity jeans that look like my regular ones, as well as fitted maternity tops with the scrunched up sides..that way I'm dressed in clothes that fit, but don't have added bulk lol! SIL brought me some MASSIVE (an I mean MASSIVE) shirts that she wore while pregnant and didn't flatter her at all (of course also orange!) and keeps telling me I need to buy shirts that have a band under the boobs and flare all the way down to my knees! WHY? lol

I want to show off my bump...I don't feel the need to hide it like she did!

hahahah I don't wear those giant ugly clothes either! Why would we hide these bumps that we are proud of?!

 

[BubsMom17]

Here's another one.

I have bipolar disorder and take meds, and am continuing to take them through my pregnancy, up until 8 weeks before my due date. People (I mean the people I tell - my midwife and my husband) have had stuff to say about it. "Are you sure you don't want to double check with your doctor? Are you *SURE* it's ok???"

1) My psychiatrist and I consulted with experts in the field and with geneticists to verify the safely and risks of all my meds (2 of them). The anticonvulsant has a risk of cleft palate/cleft lip, and the risks drop after the 10th week of gestation. The antidepressant does not show any risk up until the end of the third trimester. There is a chance baby can go through withdrawals once born (which can cause lazy feeding, and a delay in milk production by a day or so), so it's best to wean off a few weeks before baby's due date.

2) The geneticist was very confident that the risks were minimal and that the benefits in my case far out weighed the risks. She was very encouraging and positive for me.

Still, with all of this... any time I mention my meds to my husband, he always says, "Maybe you should just call your dr. to double check." Me: "I saw the dr yesterday and we discussed this in depth." Him: "Still, maybe just to double check." I understand his concern, but I understand the risks and am following my doctors' instructions to a tee. I would never do anything not advised by them. I wish he had a little more confidence in me....

Even my midwife... she says, "Oh, you know you can take the antidepressant all the way through, right? Why worry about stopping?" I know she is concerned about my well-being, but I have discussed this and researched, and I have am not going to risk my baby having any feeding delays due to withdrawal, or my milk being delayed. The risks are very small, but 6-8 weeks off my meds are not going to be overly detrimental to me, especially if I wean off slowly. I just don't like my decisions to be questioned, especially when I am not just haphazardly deciding things on a whim.

 

[BubsMom17]

oh and another thing that I get from SIL and MIL is that I'm "supposed" to wear massive maternity clothes for some reason I'm a jeans and tshirt type of girl and have bought maternity jeans that look like my regular ones, as well as fitted maternity tops with the scrunched up sides..that way I'm dressed in clothes that fit, but don't have added bulk lol! SIL brought me some MASSIVE (an I mean MASSIVE) shirts that she wore while pregnant and didn't flatter her at all (of course also orange!) and keeps telling me I need to buy shirts that have a band under the boobs and flare all the way down to my knees! WHY? lol

I want to show off my bump...I don't feel the need to hide it like she did!

hahahah I don't wear those giant ugly clothes either! Why would we hide these bumps that we are proud of?!

I still wear a two piece bathing suit! My mom: "Are you sure you don't want a maternity tankini?" Me: "No. I feel like a backwards turtle." Mom: "Are you sure? You might feel more comfortable with your stomach being covered." Me: "Mom. I sit by my pool in my fenced backyard. Why would I cover up?" Mom: "Ok... I just want you to be comfortable." Me: "Ok, don't worry. I am."

 

[StefNJunk]

It's soo annoying..
My solution has been, as much as possible, not talk about my plans or what I'm doing. If I want someone's opinion, I'll ask for it..

I've had one or two people give me a little flack about choosing a midwife over an OB-GYN (it's a newer practice around here to use a midwife), and after that I decided to just not mention it.. I do a lot of research before I make my decisions.. and if I'm happy with them, what does it matter what other people think

I don't even mention that I've chosen a midwife over OB because I've heard the way people talk about midwifes, like women have never given birth out of a hospital away from doctors. Nope, we've never been capable of natural birth, we've always had epidurals and c-sections and constant monitoring and interventions pushed on us

Anyone that has heard about this decision has commented on "feeling safer in a hospital," "you'll end up wanting an epidural," blah blah blah.

Even my OH isn't keen on the midwife idea, but he's just worried because of our previous two losses.

My mom pestered me about keeping the sex a secret because she did it with my brother and me. "Don't you want a surprise?!"

OH's family has questioned my still being at work (this was when we announced at 12 weeks!), whether or not we are being extra careful, monitoring everything, not lifting heavy things, etc etc. I know it's out of concern because of the previous losses, but I'm pregnant, not porcelain!

OH is probably the worst, but at least it's sort of cute when he does it. He worries about pants being too tight, leaning into things like the shopping cart, my seat belt in the car, laying on my stomach (this is not a new since my tummy has started showing thing, this started when we found out I'm pg), stressing the baby out by throwing up (seriously, like a baby in the womb has never been inside a woman who's puked!), etc etc. He's just a worried daddy, but sometimes I want to punch him, lol.

It really bothers me when other people do it, though. And being only just under 16 weeks, I know I'm in for it A LOT more...