how do we cope without the babies fathers?

[Louise]

...................​

 

[Imi]

Any proof he is the father?? can he PROVE it??

Madeleine's sperm donner can't and i would DIE before that fucker came anywhere near my girl and Gav's name is on her birth certificate.

When you have him registered for his birth certificate the father HAS to be with you to consent having his details on the birth certificate, just don't tell hima nd leave the "father's name" box blank. you can change it at a later date.

The downside is that you can't get the fooka to give you money BUT you get a single eliment given to you by the child tax credits people (you WILL get this As soon as you have bubs, i believe you should get over £250 a month easy, and you also have child benifit and if your a single mother that can be paid to you weekly or fortnightly.

Sorry about you having to go through this.

xxx

 

[marley2580]

Hey hun, check out if there is a local Freecycle egroup in your area. I'm always seeing free baby stuff offered on my local group, from moses baskets and cots to baby clothes. Also, check out the local free ads, most baby stuff is only used once or twice and then either given away or sold on. It is very possible to buy what's needed for very little money.

Don't know what the law is in England, but up here in Scotland unless they are married a father can only be put on the birth certificate if he is there in person.

 

[Tilly]

I know this wasn't what you were asking but I just wanted to say, fuck him.. if he is trying to make you look bad when you are going to be bringing up your baby alone, he sounds like a very selfish person if he doesn't want his baby to have somewhere to sleep.

Don't worry though, you will cope.. baby can sleep in a drawer or something if you can't get anything soon. Like Marley said, try freecycle, car boots etc..

Hope you're ok.

 

[Louise]

........................

 

[beanie]

sorry but I think if you have a father that wants to be involved, and he has not shown any just reason why he shouldn't be involved in the baby's life, (violence etc) then I think you have to accept that he will see his child. There are so many dads out there who can't be arsed to see their kids, or are crap dads but if your ex can be a good dad then that has to be something?? To keep him out of your son's life because of spite is unfair on your son. I am writing this without knowing why you spilt up, so if it was because of violence etc then you do have every right to keep your son safe.

I thought you didn't want the moses basket at your house just yet, I remember you saying that on another thread? If he is going to be like that and won't provide for his son then he needs to grow up and realise that being a parent is about providing and being there 24/7. I would say to him that he can see his son, but only if he provides for him. The Courts would say something along the same lines.

I hope you get something sorted out.

 

[marley2580]

I agree that he should see his son, every child has the right to know their family and if you prevent them from doing so then you can end up looking like the bad guy.

 

[sophie]

I agree with Beanie sorry hun, but in the long run its only your son that your hurtin sorry to be so blunt about it, again i dont know the history so if im wrong in sayin this im sorry!
Its just a simular thing is hapening with my Brother his ex is not lettin him see the girls an i can see how hurt my neice is its upsetting!
Hope things turn out for the best hun!
x

 

[hypnorm]

sorry but I think if you have a father that wants to be involved, and he has not shown any just reason why he shouldn't be involved in the baby's life, (violence etc) then I think you have to accept that he will see his child.
I hope you get something sorted out.

I agree with Beanie, I dated a guy for a while who had a child, he wanted to be involved with the child, and was paying CSA, but the mother moved out of spite and refused him access, and never passed a forwarding adress to him and the CSA wouldnt give details, so he never saw his kid, despite wanting and active role.. you can't bring spite into an arguement involving kids it could back fire on you when they are older.
My ex died 3 yrs back from Leukaemia and now his son will NEVER have the chance to know him. I think you have to accept he will be there.

 

[Layla]

Charlie and Ethans dad is such a knob, we had a very bad marriage and when it eneded he told the kids he didnt love thema nd never wanted to see them again. they were really upset about it.
He was gone from there lifes for just over a year, then i met Jase and he decided he wanted to squeeze his way back in to the kids lifes.
I really didnt want to let him back, the kids called Jase dad and were happy and settled, but i knew if i said no, the kids might grow up to hate me for not letting them see there real dad, so i gave the decsion to them, and they choose to see there real dad once a week. They dont call him dad, but they do enjoy seeing him.

I know your little one cant make that descion, but i do think its best to allow the dad in to his life untill your son is old enough to deicde for himself

x

 

[Wobbles]

I agree with Beanie also ...

Unless violence or abuse of some kind is present ... If he messed my kid around then there would be a stop to it too or hurt them in any way ^^^ like Laylas kiddies Dad (blimey Layla) then he'd get told to f off!

 

[Layla]

i wanted to, sooooooooooooo much, Jase hates him with a passion, but i had to do what the kids wanted at teh end of the day, i hated it at first when they went to see him, but now its ok, despite what i think of him and what he did in the past, hes made a real effort with them and always helps out with clothes, swimming and karate costs.

But the best thing is, they see Jase as there dad and call him dad, they have his last name, they call nigel 'nigel dad' and thats the price he has paid for being such an arse.

x

 

[Wobbles]

Sorry I wasn't blimey at your end decision just over all - although I think you have mentioned it before. What an ass! I'm guessing once kids are here sometimes like you did you have to bite your lip and do what the kids will see right rather than you. Can't have been easy for you in that situation though. x

 

[Layla]

yeah, its so hard knowing what the right/best thing to do for them, but i had to think long term.

as horrible as it sounds, id rather they face it if he lets them down, then they will know its him, rather than then growing up resenting me for never letting them see him, just in case he upsets them, does that make sense? lol its hard to explain

x

 

[Wobbles]

Makes perfect sense to me

x

 

[Imi]

Cheers for the replies girls.
The father, like I said in a post waaaay back, has been threatenin court action.
He will stop at nothing to make it known that he is the father, so Imi, even if I dont put him down on the birth certificate, he will happily pay to take me to court for a DNA test if I start denying him as the dad!

I thought about that one a while back, even had a solicitor talk me through what can and cant be done- they said they dont advise that I leave him out of the birth certificate simply because he can take me to court for a DNA test and if things get too messy & I start refusing to have any tests, I can be forced to give one. When it's proven he is the babies dad, he can then go on to apply for something called a parental responsibility order which gives him the same rights that I would have, and then once he has got that, he could attempt (though he wouldnt get it) to apply for full custody!

Tell me, would it really be worth leaving him off the birth certificate? he wants a child that bad (and now hes got one on the way) that he'd do ANYTHING.

Trust me, I wish I could say that he's coming no where near Nicky when he's born, out of sheer spite for what's going on between us now, but in fear of being dragged through court and him actually winning any case that he applies for, I dont know if i'd be strong enough to do it.

Has Maddies father ever attempted to threaten you with anything like this? dont tell me he just accepted everything you said and just walked away freely? believe me, I wish that would be the case for me.. Oh and Tilly, my father put his first born in a drawer lol, they were that poor that he stuck two chairs together, placed a drawer on them with a load of bedding in it, and put baby in it lol.

Right first off they CANNOT Force you to have a DNA a court order is only granted if it is thought it is in the CHILDS best interests.
https://www.bma.org.uk/ap.nsf/Content/Paternitytest#References

And yes Sperm Doner DID walk away ... he tried to come back he would have an awful job proving he is anything to do with maddie.

 

[Hels]

Im sorry, but I also agree with Beanie. I dont know your story with you ex, but if he is absuive etc then fair enough, but I have seen the other side of the coin. My hubby has a son (whos 7) and he is constantly threatened with never seeing him again if the ex doesnt get her own way. My DH pays her plenty and has never missed a payment, he has never once let his son down and it is torture to see the man I love cry his heart out when she swears he will never see his son again.
Sorry I have ranted on, and it is probably irrelevant, but it saddens me to think that so many men are not able to see their own children as some woman decides to play god. No wonder they dress up like spider man and scale the houses of parliment etc!!!!

 

[Imi]

I haven't stopped him but i would.

I have my reasons!

He WALKED AWAY leaving me 22wks PG in a place i'd never heard of and left me to fend for myself i was SCREWED both finacially AND mentally.

I had NOTHING! ... i was lucky i had not long met vicky and she took me in and helped me sort myself out, through one thing and another i couldn't do anything else but sit and wait for something to come good.

Would i BOLLOCKS let that ******* come anywhere near, if he did i'd fucking kill him.

Madeleine has a loving family surrounding her and a father who dotes on her and would lay down his life to keep her safe and happy.

I've never heard off that twat since, but i DARE him to come to me and try lay claim to my daughter.

sorry for the rant but im no "one of those mothers that play god" not having a go Hels but i had to put my point across, i hope i haven't offended you, it wasn't ment to but i feel i have to say its not always that simple.

xxx

 

[Hels]

I dont think I made my point very well there. Sorry.

Imi, I know your story and you know mine, and I know everyone has different circumstances.

I really feel for men who want to be a good father, will be there come rain or shine and because the woman says no, then no it is!! That to me is bollocks. No one should have the right to make things difficult and use a child like that.